Saturday, December 26, 2009


Well hello der! I know, and I'm sorry for my MIA-ness lately but things truly have been insane around here. I am aware that it is not a fair excuse, but please cut a sister some slack! Anyways, I wanted to apologize and when I get BACK from Mexico in just over a week, I will post some pictures for you all, okie? So yes, I'm sorry and I will grovel much more in over a week.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Grasshopper Grows Up

NO! I haven’t forgotten about my wonderful alter ego, the Grasshopper!! I’ve just been so busy that I haven’t had time to jot any ideas down (even though they’ve been flowing non-stop!) and without a computer it’s kind of hard to keep a blog going unless I travel down here to my parents, a wonderful place to be. Sometimes.

Anyways, I am writing this with a purpose because I have to get a few things sorted out. Mainly, with my future. I’ve been filling a bit off lately. I’ve always felt that I was meant for more and know that I can and should do more with a life than what I’m currently doing. I feel insufficient, meaningless, and that I should be out there, in the world, making a difference. I don’t know where to start or how to start, but I think it is because I’m feeling slightly guilty.

When I first went to college, I hated it. I just went to the local university, and since I had no clue what to do with my life, I picked a bunch of random courses and hated every minute of them: philosophy, psychology, political science, and music. Music was my favourite (of course!!) but I sucked at all of the classes. I don’t think I ever fully understood the college lifestyle and how different it was from high school. One of my friends at my then-job, was taking a six month course through the university and after asking her about it, I did too. This was where I met Kim and some of my other friends. It was hard, not gonna lie, but the hardest part was having my dad call it “secretary school” the entire time to everyone we knew. Sure, I guess you could call it that but it’s more than that. I’m not just a secretary!! I work so hard at my job, but at the end of the day I still feel like something is missing.

I’ve tried a couple of things: bought my truck, moved out, and booked a holiday to Mexico. I think it also could have something to do with my increasingly limited church attendance because I know that my relationship with God has been under siege the past while. I also feel, though, that this fire I have for needing something to change has been coming from Him. Whoa. One bullet after another for this year, eh?

I’ve been pondering what I want to do with my life. What inspires me, what get me passionate, and what I like to do. I want a career and I want to make money doing something I love. I look around at some of the women that I work with and I don’t want to me them. They are so stressed out and tired and work so hard to get nowhere. Some of them have been there as long as I have been alive and I don’t want to be them. I love them dearly, but I don’t see myself in their shoes in twenty years. I want to be in love with my work. Then it hit me. Like a bullet out of the sky, I knew what I had to do. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, financially, emotionally, and physically even, but I know that I have to go back to school.

I remember being little and playing dress up with my sister. Bestie and I would always play school and I always insisted on being the teacher. My mom would always tell me that’s what I was going to be and now that I think about it, a lot of people told me I should be a teacher. It’s funny, how hard I resisted that wisdom. They knew. They knew me better than I did back then, and now I think they may have been right all along. I don’t know yet, if teaching is where I’ll end up but I love books. This is a recent passion of mine (I haven’t finished Pride and Prejudice yet. I’m still working on the Twilight Saga!!) but a passion, nonetheless. I want to write a book; always have. Perhaps I’ll be a book editor or write a book while keeping my current job. Maybe I’ll teach English somewhere! There are so many decisions to be made, but I feel like I’ve finally got it.

Financially, I don’t know how I’m going to do it quite yet. My job pays well, really well, but since I’ve just moved out and with my truck payment and all, things could get tense. Is this the time for me to go back to school? I know that I can’t go back full time. I wouldn’t dare give up my job now and that would mean moving back home and I don’t want to do that. If I try to get a degree part time, it’s going to take me forever.

Well thanks for listening. Time to make some decisions!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Introducing: Kim

The time has come: I need to introduce to you another friend of mine! To be quite honest, as I was thinking of writing this post, I did some reminiscing on the nicknames I have on here for all of my other friends, and I think some of them are quite lame! I mean, seriously. Bestie? She deserves so much better than that! I also realized that I haven’t given really good background stories to all my cast members here, so I think I’ll put a little something together over the next couple of days, which will probably turn into weeks. Who am I kidding? I have no time to blog and without internet at my place, it’s really hard! I have so much stuff to write about, but I just can’t! I can’t do it without my laptop! I guess I could use a pen and paper...

Anyways. New friend. Well, she’s not really a new friend, but I haven’t hung out with her in a while and she hasn’t popped up into any of my other posts, so she’s new to Blogger. So, let’s call her... Kim, a name that does not suit her at all, but whatever.

Kim and I went to college together last January and we were really close but when our course ended six months later (sweet deal, I know.) we promised to “keep in touch” and we did! We really did! For a while, anyway, we texted, Facebooked, and met for lunches and dinner dates when we could. Life got in the way of course, but when we do get together, it’s like we’ve never been apart. I love having friends like that! She knows all about the Joker and T-Rex and tells me about her guy problems too. She is, in a word, amazing.

One of the things I love about Kim is her spontaneity. If she’s sitting at home, bored, she’ll just randomly text you and start talking. She did that to me the other day, as I was unpacking of course, and we planned a dinner and movie night. So we did just that. And it was so much fun!!

I know that I can trust her and since she’s a couple years older than me, I can really relate to what she’s going through. She can tell me all about her crap and since I haven’t met any of the people she’s talking about, I can give an honest third-party opinion and hope she’ll listen. It’s the same for her, too. I can tell her all about what I’ve been thinking and feeling and she can agree that I’m right or tell me that I’m crazy and knock some sense into me.

A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway. Thanks for everything Kim. I love you darling.

Waiting For This

Life is such a game we play with ourselves. We sit around hoping, praying, and dreaming about that perfect moment. We buy movies like 27 Dresses and dream about our perfect man (James Marsden, anyone?) and how our wedding day will have the same “look” from our husband-to-be as he has for that blonde chick he’s with in the movie. Maybe it’s that dream house that overlooks the ocean or the BMW that brings a whole new meaning to the song “Faster Car”. Whatever it is, we are never satisfied. Constantly, we want more than we have.

We wait around for the perfect words. You know the ones I mean. There is that string of words that convince us we’re not crazy and since life is a game, but when we finally hear them, are we truly satisfied? I think not.

For so long, I’ve waited for my friends to tell me that I’m right and that all that has gone on is what I have been seeing. Not to say that I haven’t been seeing, but I know that they see things in a different light and from a different point of view, so I trust their opinions more than I trust my own. Since I heard those words this week, I’m not satisfied. I waited and waited for them to be written, spoken, and portrayed to me in a new light but now that the opinions and beliefs are out there, I wish I hadn’t heard them. Sure, I wanted the opinion but that was not the opinion I was expecting.

I know I’m crazy but I want “someone else” to convince me of that this time. Sure, we can talk and joke about it, but at the end of the day, nothing really matters. We can have all of the opinions and analyze every movement and phrase but it just does not matter. No new text messages. No plans for this weekend. No banter. It may have finally been what I’ve always wanted to hear, but this isn’t how I always thought it would feel.

Towel Power

I’ve been moved out now for six days! HAPPY DANCE!!! If you haven’t heard, I’ve been having quite the little problem with my towels. My cheap WalMart ones apparently hate me because they’re shedding blue lint everywhere! Today, I thought I’d be really smart and buy some new ones, not because I can afford it, but because I’m sick and tired of having to dry off twice, you know? Well alright then. My mom and I went down to Sears and we picked up a whole new set of towels and everything and we came home and threw them all in the washer and we crossed our fingers. Let me tell you that these towels are not happy with just shedding lint all over the place. Heck no! These ones are dropping fricken hairballs left, right, and centre!! You should see the size of these things! It’s insanity! Why am I having such terrible luck with towels?! I know that after the first couple of washes, there is a lot of lint going on, but for heaven’s sake this is getting a little old...

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Dinner at Home

So I decided to be super smart today and go home for dinner. I miss them, and I’m sure they miss me. I hope they miss me a little bit anyways… Anyway, I called home to check what they were having for dinner. Wanna guess what it was? Chunky soup and buns. I’m not lying when I say life mocks me. For heaven’s sake, I have that at my place!! So I get to go home for dinner tonight for Chunky soup and buns, and the best company in town.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Adventures From Day One

Last night it was very quiet. I slept in my new place and I could not relax. I had just spent the entire day painting, moving boxes, and cursing at my Ikea bed for being so lame. It’s too big, so I have to take it all apart to get it out of my room at home and then put it back together in my room at my new place. The bed in itself is a good enough reason to never move again! Every. Muscle. Hurts.

Today I spent ten minutes trying to open a can of tuna. I wish I was joking, but these are just the sad little ways that life mocks me. I get, I get it: Ikea can openers are not a good idea. I mangled the can! It took me the can opener, one butter knife, three serrated knives, and a pair of scissors to get the damn thing open. I’m telling you, life is mocking me!

I finally rolled out the red carpet today. Okay, so it’s actually brown-ish and not nearly as nice as I was hoping it would be. It’s too small for the space that I wanted to put it in, and it kind of feels like sandpaper on my feet. Hmmm. Well, I guess that means I’ll have to shell out some big bucks and get a decent looking rug that actually matches my furniture, which I don’t have yet.

My mom and I went to WalMart a couple of weeks ago to buy some necessities for my bathroom: bath sheets, wash clothes, hand towels, etc. I washed them once before I moved and this morning I actually got to use them. Happy dance anyone? Hold that sprinkler pose. Blue lint everywhere. Apparently, the cheap WalMart towels suck ass because once I was finished using them, I had to get another towel to wipe off all of the blue lint they left on me! Good grief! Then, I had to put in my contacts. Well if the blue lint is on my hands, of course it’s going to be all over my contacts, and for all of you contact-wearers out there, you understand my pain, physical and emotional. I really don’t want to put lint in my eyes again. It hurts!!

I must say, though, that there are some upsides to this whole thing. Example? Sneaking back to my parents’ house to grab a jar of pickles/tea bags/hair elastics and anything else I may need in the near future. ‘Tis great fun! It’s kind of like my own grocery store!! How cool is that?!

Okay, so the phone just rang and I had to get up off of the floor to get it but my foot was asleep and I totally didn’t make it. Wow, I’m cool like that.

And on that awkward note, I’m going to stalk random people on Facebook, visit with my family while I’m here, and go home. My home. With my stuff. But only after my foot wakes up!!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Can You Repeat That?

I don’t think it’s supposed to feel like this. I waited and waited so long to hear confirmation that I’m not crazy and that everything that has been going on was more than friendly gestures. When I finally did hear “you say friendly – I say dately!!” it was not what I wanted. Odd to say the least!

Finally, I was at a good place and able to understand how things were going and that regardless of the number of times pillows were thrown at me or snarky comments were being tossed around, it didn’t matter. Friends, that’s what we are.

“Sometimes when a guy is making a sign obvious enough, there’s a big freaking SIGN!!!!”

Huh. I finally get the words I’ve always wanted from my best friend, and I wish I hadn’t heard them. I know, I know. I’m crazy!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Really? Why Don't You Prove It?

“So Ikea??” Yep. That was how it started. Athena wanted to know all about my trip to Ikea with the Joker (although I’m not exactly sure why...) and apparently there are “SIGNS”. Yes. Signs. Signs that I am refusing to see because I am doing really well on this whole thing where I convince myself that it’s never, EVER going to happen and now she tells me the whole thing is full of tell-tale signs that prove otherwise. Oh great.

Pillow fight. “You went without me?!!” Spending time together outside of work. Banter. Talking about non-work things.

Apparently, these are all signs and I plan on ignoring them all. Why, you ask? Because it’s just not fair. It’s not fair. I liked him and it wasn’t mutual. This is a race I can’t win on endurance and no matter how long I sit around and wait, it ain’t gonna happen. So now he decides there are some “signs” he’s ready to put out? Well I don’t want your fucking signs now. I finally was able to convince myself that it wasn’t going to happen and we were going to be BFF’s (sorry, I should have warned you about the puke bucket moment!) and he can’t just waltz in here and start like that. NO! I won’t have it!

The Joker: if you want to start throwing these signs around, you better be ready. I’m not just going to let you in and fall under that smile spell of yours. It won’t happen that way, but if you are going to start that way, well I suggest you best be ready. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but you better get your game face on. After all that time I’ve spent hoping, well, maybe it’s time the tables are turned.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Shopping With The Joker

I have officially discovered one of the best parts of moving out: IKEA!!!! Alright, so aside from the really cheap-do it yourself-hope it doesn’t break as you put it together-pray all of the little pieces are in the box aspect, it can be a lot of fun. Sure, there are a couple of downsides, but most of the time it is really good for ideas and starter furniture.

When I first told the Joker I was moving out (he needs a new nickname btw), I was really hyper and going on and on about what I had and what I was going to need. Bestie and I had already been to Ikea in the summer and I had bought a lot of kitchen wares then. At the time, I didn’t have a set date or time when I was going to move out; I just knew that it would probably be a good idea to buy it then rather than all at one time. Good thinking, Grasshopper. Anyways, I was telling the Joker that I had already been to Ikea and picked some stuff up. His reaction? “you went without me?!!” Now I don’t know about you, but a couple of thoughts ran through my mind at that moment.
A) Was I supposed to invite you?
B) Why would you want to come to Ikea with me?
C) Since when are we on the “you didn’t invite me?!!” level?

So I told him that I wanted to go again because I still needed a few things (ie. a couch!) and if he wanted to tag along, he was more than welcome. (I should probably add here that I was really excited when I heard he wanted to come. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, I promised “we’ll get two carts!” Oh my.)

Today, we went! And it was a lot of fun!! The closest Ikea to my house is about an hour drive so we took Jack in. I drove. I always thought it was a man thing, you know, having to drive everywhere. Something about feeling important or being in charge, but I guess not. He asked me if I was a good driver and I said that was “debatable”. He did have a good laugh over that one!!

We did go through the entire showroom and looked around. It was quite entertaining (not in a good way and not in a bad way. It was just odd watching him shop) to watch him go through each piece of furniture, inspecting it all. All of the drawers were pulled open to check the sturdiness and each couch was sat on.

After Ikea, we went to a whole lotta furniture stores a few blocks over. The Joker was looking for a very specific sectional and we found out after searching for it ALL day that they do not make what he wants. I tried telling him not to settle, (“you’ll find what you want!”) but by the end of the day the pleather smell was messing with my brain cells and I’m pretty sure the sleezy salespeople could’ve sold me a lawn chair.

He showed me his Blackberry with a reminder from his Calendar that he was going to Ikea with me. At one point, I realized he was focusing the camera on me and I tried to swat it away. It almost landed on the floor (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, the trouble I would’ve been in then!!) and he didn’t get a picture. He claimed that he needed to have a picture of all of his contacts so he knew who was calling him but I said that I don’t call him, so ha!

Over lunch, the Joker asked about the “boyfriend”. I knew he meant T-Rex (even though I never, ever called him that) and I tried to dodge the conversation the best I could. It didn’t work so I gave him the shortened version: I hadn’t seen him since his football game in September. I told the Joker that I had messaged T-Rex a while ago but he didn’t reply to which the Joker tried to defend T-Rex. I probably should have mentioned something about T-Rex’s Facebook status a while back where he claimed to be in love ("I just wish you knew how much I cared" or something like that) but I didn’t. It wasn’t important because it wasn’t about me. There are a lot of things the Joker doesn’t know about what happened (or didn’t) between T-Rex and I, but I don’t want to tell him! I tried to blame the distance (did I mention I’d only seen him twice?!!) and unfortunately he brought up phone sex. I quickly changed the topic.

Later on, he brought it up again! Honestly, the man just won’t quit! I said something about M&M which was quite funny because the Joker’s like “who’s that?” I changed the subject again, but I was a little surprised he didn’t dig further into that one (though relieved at the same time!)

I don’t think I’m asking for much, although I technically didn’t ask for this. I guess I did in a way, but when he said “you didn’t invite me?!!” what else was I gonna do? It was fun!! We got to hang out, talk, and just be normal without the work environment. No one is listening in on your conversation and you don’t feel guilty (not that we ever do...) because you’re on company time.

Now, I have so much more stuff to pack. Damn you Ikea!! Frick! More dishes to wash! More furniture to put together! So little time! So much fun!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Boxes, boxes everywhere!

I’m so (searching for the right word...) blessed (???) no one told me this whole moving out thing would be easy. Because it’s not. It’s very hard. Besides the whole packing-up-everything-you’ve-accumualted-including-TWO-rolling-pins thing, it’s a lot of hard work. All of my new dishes have to be washed and anything that my grandparents have handed down to me has to be cleaned even more thoroughly to eliminate the spiders that were alive in there at one point. *Shiver*

I am a very organized person. I need dates to make a timeline and everything has its place in my room. Organized chaos, perhaps, but nonetheless, I know where everything is. So, when I thought about moving out, I thought it would be quite simple: everything that you want to go in the bathroom put together in the “Bathroom” box and call it a day. Kitchen utensils? Box ‘em up and move on. Little did I know, I also had to have “Useless Crap That Has Sentimental Value” and “One Day You’ll Thank Me For Telling You To Keep It” boxes. Oh yes. Remember that scrapbook you made in Kindergarten? I can’t throw it out. Useless as it is, I have to keep it. Now before you go calling me a packrat, I just don’t want to part with it yet. Same goes for my Mickey Mouse stuffed animal. I have no idea where I’m going to put it when I get to my basement suite, but I have to bring it with me.

Well, I guess I will have to work on my obsessive compulsiveness for a week or so. My mom reminded me again today of how soon my move out date is approaching (just in case I forgot). Yeah, under one week. My bed is covered with dishes! Boxes are all over the living room! I’m only twenty! How the heck did I accumulate so much stuff? Did I mention the two rolling pins?

My Perfect Saturday Morning

One thing I love? Lazy Saturday mornings. I don’t get them too often, because I’m usually busy doing chores, running off to extended family breakfasts, calming my friends down after “Please tell me I didn’t do that” nights, or sitting in a waiting room while Jack gets a wheel alignment. This morning, however, I was very excited. Yes, I have a million and one things to do since I’m moving out next weekend (or possibly this week?! That’s another post!) but I really wanted to take some time to relax.

Now, what does The Grasshopper do on a lazy Saturday morning? Well, sleep until nine first of all! I am usually up at 6:20 to get ready for work at nine and anytime I get to sleep past then, is a bonus. Next, it is time to check Facebook. This is my favourite part of my morning, and probably the most useless. Not much has happened since I checked at 11 when I went to bed (since we were all sleeping?) but still! Stalk a few of my favourite friends and then it’s shower power. Hot water, the smell of Dove soap, and some Herbal Essences – that’s my kind of morning!

On weekday mornings, I usually just have a little breakfast and a glass of juice; nothing too exciting to speak of. On my Lazy Saturday Mornings, though, I want some Eggos! (Can you hear the fans cheering?!!) Blueberry Eggos, Aunt Jemima Lite syrup, icing sugar, and a big glass of milk is the best way to start my morning.

Or so you would think.

So here I go, about to take my first bite. *Drip* Oh yeah, a nice big spot of syrup onto my clean white tank top.

Happy Saturday to me. And you.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Moving On Up

One of the ladies I work with, Ms. R, recently bought a house and I’ve been over there a couple of times (housewarming party and drinks). She has always been really nice to me since I started working there over a year ago now, and she’s best friends with Athena. Well, she asked me on Friday if I knew anyone who would be interested in renting her basement suite. I asked her a couple of questions about it (ie. one bedroom, shared laundry, no internet, utilities included, etc.) and I told her I was interested. Instantaneously, she told Athena and was super excited about the prospect. According to Athena, she couldn’t think of anybody better to have renting it.

On Friday night, my mom and I went to look at it and I took my dad over on Saturday. Now, it’s official! I’m moving out! I’m moving out! Can I get a “WOOT WOOT”?!?!!!! FINALLY! So here are the deets:

One bedroom
One bathroom (w/ bathtub – always a bonus!!)
Shared laundry (I get to pick two days)
No damage deposit (b/c she knows me – how sweet is that!)
Parking spot ON the driveway
Utilities included
Four minutes door-to-door with my parents
Exact location I want
I know her!! It’s not like it’s some creepy guy upstairs

So mark your calendars: November 15th I take possession. If she gets the keys sooner, I can move in sooner because it’s empty now. Luckily, I’ve been stock piling random stuff for the past couple of years so I don’t have to go to Ikea and buy all new furniture, dishes, etc. That doesn’t mean I won’t, but I don’t HAVE to. I have my microwave, blender, coffee maker, toaster, coffee table, bed, shower curtain, dishes, water pitcher, and cutlery. One of the ladies at work is selling me her couch and TV and another is going to show me her dining table.

I have wanted to move out for so long now and everything is really falling into place with this! This will be a good thing; I can feel it!!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Candy Coated Misery

“He looks like a cool drink of water but he’s candy coated misery.”

Ah, Carrie Underwood, how I love you!!!! Her latest song, Cowboy Casanova, is, by far, my favourite one of hers. This line speaks to me completely and the more I hear it, the more I know how true it is! How many times to we get pulled in by those beautiful eyes and that smile that can light up a room? Gosh, they show us a little bit of attention and before you know it, you become so attached to them that you cry when they don’t talk to you for a week. Oh, you don’t do that? That’s just me? Yeah, I know I have a problem!

So, Mr. Candy Coated Misery is really asking for a slap now. I decided it would be a “good” idea to message M&M. I had talked about it with Bestie and everything seemed to be piling up at once. I couldn't’t focus on my schoolwork and I was really quiet and kind of ignoring everyone; I was trying to figure out what to do on my own but I couldn't’t. She reasoned with me and I messaged him. Nothing crazy, just a simple message:

How did the grand opening go? I came by on Saturday and there was wall-to-wall people! I guess that's a good sign, eh?
Sorry I didn't have time to talk the other night. 'Twas my best friends birthday party and I was running late.
Text me sometime, k? 555-555-9115

Apparently, this was a bad idea. Either that or he is unconscious in a coma in the hospital. Ugh, I am so done. He’s been online to check, I know for a fact. I can’t text him (thank goodness!!) because I deleted loser boy out of my cell. I just don’t get it! Clearly, he was just using me all along and I was too blind to notice because I thought we were friends. Well, Mr. Candy Coated Misery, take your candy and go suck it!!

Monday, October 26, 2009

My Blog, My Way

I have been reading a lot of other blog posts lately, and I feel like I have to get something out there: This blog is all about me. I don’t care if anyone follows, comments, or even reads what I post. I truly could care less. This blog is my opportunity to finally vent and say what I need to say. I use codenames so only a few people know who I am talking about because if, for example, The Joker ever found this page, the shit would hit the fan. I just want to feel how I feel, bitch when I wanna bitch, and float around on cloud nine when the time’s right. I don’t care if you like me or not because, like I said, this is all about me. If you like it, great. Pour yourself a tall whiskey and join the fun.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Tug Of War

I’ve come to the conclusion that I have no clue what to do about M&M. Surprising? It shouldn’t be, really.

You know in elementary school where on Sports Day, all of the students are formed into those four groups (I think I was always red, but for some reason blue always won. Robbie must have been on the Blue Team. He won at everything. Man, I hate him) and they torture you by forcing you to play team sports with students you hate? There’s that stupid, I mean super fun, parachute game where they put a bunch of bean bags on the parachute and all of the kids stand around the parachute and wave it around as hard as they possibly can until all of the other bean bags but their teams colour’s have fallen off of the parachute. Really. Well, this is kind of like a game of tug-of-war. I’m not really sure where the parachute story came from, except that I hated it and for some reason my mom was always in charge of that station.

Anyways, back to my heart and head. They’re being pulled in two different directions, like a tug-of-war. I want, desperately to talk to him but I don’t know what to say. I’m afraid that he really was just using me as an ego boost, but I don’t want to believe that. Not just yet. I want to talk to him about it all, in person. If he was so disappointed that I didn’t talk more the other night, why didn’t he message me about it? He knows where to find me, so why the hell do I have to do all of the work? Obviously he doesn’t want to make our friendship work. He never did. When he stopped talking to me, I kept trying to fix it. Do I need to tell him that? Why do I seem to constantly disappear out of people’s lives? Am I that forgettable?

As much as I would absolutely love to leave it at that tonight (that is the kind of mood I am in!), I can’t. Reason 1: I talk too much. Reason 2: I fight until the end. Did it feel like my heart had been ripped to shreds and then put through the shredder? Absolutely. Was it my fault? Was it his? Who knows and who really cares anymore. The past is the past and needs to be left there. My motto is “No looking back allowed.” Well I know in my heart of hearts that I am not the same person I was then. I’ve learned a lot about myself since it all went down and I know the difference between right and wrong. Was I used? Did he just need me to get off or as an ego boost? Most likely. I know he trusted me and you can’t find that very often these days. What do they say about that? Trust takes years to build and mere suspicion to destroy. Perhaps this is worth fighting for. Again.

...Maybe there is a reallllllllly good excuse.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Sorting Out These Thoughts

So remember when I was telling ya’ll about my run-in with M&M the other night before VWBug’s birthday party? Well he stopped and talked to Bestie last night and she said he sounded disappointed that I didn’t stop and talk to him that night. Honestly, I can’t make this stuff up! If you don’t know by now, when I’m upset or have to sort something out, I make a list. Pro-Con lists take too much time, but numbering ones are just as effective. Sorry Rory Gilmore!!

#1 – He has no right to be mad at me for not wanting to talk to him. After all of the times I have tried and tried to get a hold of him via text, Facebook, and msn he didn’t have the decency to reply, and cannot be mad at me for not trying. I fucking tried. If he doesn’t want to reply, that’s his shit. I did what I had to do, so screw him.

#2 – What did he want me to say to him that night? He was there with two other girls and I was walking in with Giraffe. What was I supposed to do? Go up and give him a hug and pretend like nothing happened? I can’t sweep this under the rug. Somebody’s going to trip.

#3 – Of course I miss him. I’m crazy, but I have to admit that I want things to go back to how they were: when they were good, they were really good. He was there for me and he listened to me and supported me. He was my best friend; there’s no denying that and I miss how we were.

#4 – Do I need to apologize? Did he really do anything wrong? He told me those things, perhaps not to act like a parasite but maybe because he really trusted me. Maybe it was because he wanted me to know. Maybe it was his way of showing me he cared. Maybe he doesn’t know what happened or how it made me feel. Maybe he just doesn’t understand. Maybe I need to explain to him what happened.

#5 – So what happened, Grasshopper? He stopped replying to your messages so you abandoned your friendship with M&M? That’s not like you. Didn’t it hurt more once you cut him out of your life than when he was telling you every aspect of his life? Why did you abandon him, really? Kind of self-centered to think you were the only person he ever talked to, even if he did make it seem that way. Isn’t space and time good for a relationship? You didn’t give him much time either; only two weeks before deleting him out of your life. How is that fair? Look at how quickly time is passing now: maybe he was really busy and just so caught up with everything that he didn’t realize how long it had been. I’m not trying to make excuses for him, but it’s time to face all of the facts.

#6 – Why did it hurt? Honestly, you couldn’t even see his name without that pain. What was the pain from? He didn’t even try to get a hold of you. Yes, that’s painful but that’s no reason to cut him out of your life. People deserve second chances and God put him in your life for a reason: to grow, mature, and find out who the hell you are. When are you going to give it up?

I keep reading and re-reading this list, and I still have no clue what to do. I was hoping that at the end of this I’d have a clear vision of what I was supposed to do, but I still know nothing. Maybe I’ll message him. I don’t know what I’d even say...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Things You Would Love To Say At Work... But Can't

I don't know if ya'll have seen this one or not, but my manager sent it to me a while back. It's too good to keep to myself. Enjoy!

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
How about never? Is never good for you?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
Ahhhh. I see the f ***-up fairy has visited us again.
I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a sh*t.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.
What am I, Flypaper for freaks?!
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be?
Do I look like a f****** people person to you?
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.
Oh I get it. Like humour, but different.........
An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls.
Can I swap this job for what's behind door .........1?
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it?
Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just needed the money.
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being more intelligent.
Wait a minute - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Aren't you a black hole of need?
I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?
Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.
If you have something to say raise your hand......... then place it over your mouth.
I'm too busy, can I ignore you some other time?
Don't let your mind wander, its too small to be let out on its own.
Have a nice day, somewhere else.
You're not yourself today; I noticed the improvement straight away.
You are as pretty as a picture; I'd really like to hang you.
Don't believe everything you think.
Do you hear that? That's the sound of no-one caring.

Okay, that's all the fun I can handle now. Time for some homework. Hopefully some new stuff later!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

A Good Friend And A Glass Of Wine

VWBug and I went for coffee last night and I feel so good about where I am in my life right now. I really feel like I have things all planned out and that I’ve finally figured out who I am, what I want in life, and how I’m going to get there. I’ve never felt so completely content and happy with the way things are going. It is such a beautiful feeling; almost out-of-body!

So I’m sure you’re all wondering what the plans for my life are, so I’m going to tell you! Well we really talked about how we envisioned our lives and since I’m going to be twenty-one in February, I think that is a really good time to start a RRSP or some type of retirement savings plan. I also really want to buy a condo here, but my contract at the City is up at the end of the year and out of all of the advice my Dad’s given me, I know he’s right about this one thing: wait until your contract has been renewed before buying a place. So I figure that should give me plenty of time. Giraffe, VWBug, and I are planning a Mexican getaway this winter (December 27th to be exact!!) so I have time between then and now to a) save up for my insurance for my truck because I don`t know how the accident is going to affect all of that buy I want to be prepared and b) save up for my trip. Once I get back, there’s just over a month before my birthday and my savings plan decisions which will probably last all of February (who are we kidding?) so that puts me back to March or maybe even April before seriously looking at a condo. !!!!!!!!!!!! OH! I’m so excited!

I was talking to VWBug last night about my perfect evening. I told her that I want to come home and park in my underground parking lot. I want to pour a glass half-full (because the glass is always half-FULL) of red wine and slip into my claw foot bathtub with my vanilla candles and read a good C.S. Lewis book. Doesn’t that sound fabulous? I can’t wait to be fabulous! Walk around the house my robe with my glass of red wine. Cook pasta and talk to my mom on the phone. Watch Desperate Housewives while Facebooking all my girlfriends. Ah, it sounds fabulous.

Life is so good. Sometimes all you need is a little red wine and a good girlfriend to remind you of all the love in the world and how many people love you for you. Ain’t life fabulous?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Song Of The Day

Well for the first time ever today, I was sent home from work because I’m sick. I like to think I have my dad’s stamina when it comes to colds: keep going until you vomit. My dad is my hero when it comes to sicknesses. He never, ever calls in sick! That being said, I don’t really have a lot else to say today, well just not yet anyways! I wanted to share the song that has been stuck in my head all day instead. While I’ve been sick, I’ve had a lot of time on my hands which has given me the rare opportunity to catch up on my movie watching. Best movie ever? P.S. I Love You. Gerard Butler. Enough said!! My favourite song from that (or one of them anyways) is NeedToBreathe – More Time.

I promised you the world again
Everything within my hands
All the riches one could dream
They will come from me

I hoped that you could understand
That this is not what I had planned
Please don’t worry now
It will turn around

Cause I need more time
Just a few more months and we’ll be fine
So say what’s on your mind
Cause I can’t figure out just what’s inside

I hoped that you could understand
That this is not what I had planned
Please don’t worry now
It will turn around

Cause I need more time
Just a few more months and we’ll be fine
So say what’s on your mind
Cause I can’t figure out just what’s inside
So say alright
Cause I know we can make it if we try
Cause I need more time
Just a few more months and we’ll be fine

We’re off to new lands
So hold on to my hands
It’s gonna be alright
It’s a whole lot brighter
So stand by the fire
It’s gonna be alright
Yeah, the road gets harder
But it’s not much farther
It’s gonna be alright
You know that it ain’t easy
Please believe me
It’s gonna be alright

Please don’t worry now
It will turn around

Cause I need more time
Just a few more months and we’ll be fine
So say what’s on your mind
Cause I can’t figure out just what’s inside
So say alright
Cause I know we can make it if we try
Cause I need more time
Just a few more months and we’ll be fine

(Lyrics courtesy of

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

After my meltdown on Friday, I picked Giraffe up and we were ready for a night out on the town!! It was time for my “Drinking Buddy” and I to let loose! Time to let our hair down and party until the sun comes up! Okay, so we were actually headed to VWBug’s cousin’s apartment in this sketch neighbourhood, but rum was going to be involved so I was excited! Especially considering the week of hell I had just had, it was long overdue for some harmless drinking with the girls.

One of my biggest pet peeves in life is people who are late. Honestly, if you can’t come on time, why bother coming?! I would much rather be half an hour early and sit around, read some horrible magazines (if you are, as clearly I am in this example, in an office of sorts), and make small talk with the people around than to show up even two minutes late. I despise being late and I think it is always nice if one knows they are going to be late, to call the destination to advise them of such inappropriate behaviour. Well, on Friday I was running late. I am hardly ever late, because as I said, I HATE IT! Crying will do that to you, I guess.

Well Bestie had been begging me to drop by her work at the mall to drop off one of our USB cables for her iPod. I think she should have been born a blonde, but since the mall’s food court was on our way, it wasn’t an inconvenience. Giraffe and I were already running late and I wanted to just pop in and out without too much of a hassle. You know how when you’re in a rush, you tend to bump into someone you know? M&M. Ah yes. (You can hear all about our history here.) The man finally got a job which just so happens to be right beside Bestie’s work and he just so happened to be standing in the middle of the entrance way. I knew that he had a job there and a couple of weeks ago I re-friend requested him on Facebook. He accepted and I messaged him. To my surprise, M&M even replied so I sent him another message to which he did not respond. A few days later, I messaged him again. You would really think that I would start to take the hint, but obviously not.

So here we are: Giraffe and I all dolled up, running into the mall, awkwardly greeting M&M, dropping off Bestie’s USB cable, and running out back to my car. Well yes, that was one way to start our evening. I never thought I’d see him again, so when I did I was a little shocked. I smiled at him and said “Hi” quietly from far away. He said “hey, how’s it going” (such an M& M thing to do). I think I replied but I am kind of hoping I just nodded and ran off in the opposite direction. I can’t remember.

With that awkward “I was hoping I’d never see you again and now that we’re here I don’t know what to say because I still dislike you” moment out of the way, it was time for a party! My best friend, VWBug had finally turned the big 2-0! It doesn’t seem like it, but exiting the teens and becoming a twenty-something is quite a stressful event! I guess the three of us deal with stress in the same way: rum.

We met some new people (VWBug’s cousin KM, best friend AK, and two guys that they work with DC and CW) and I think we played Circle of Death at one point. Of course, VWBug had just broken up with her boyfriend the day before, so he called and showed up during the night but KM went out to deal with him. All in all, it was a great night! We didn’t do anything crazy, but it was a lot of fun to have some fun with them.

So raise your coffee mug; I’d like to make a toast: To a better week this week with less drama, less stress, and more love.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Everything At Once

When I got home Friday, I curled into a ball and wept like a baby on my bedroom floor. You know those scenes you see in movies where everything that could possibly go wrong has, and the character has no other option but cry? Oh yeah; THAT was my Friday. ‘Twas the day everything came to a head and I couldn’t handle it anymore and trust me, I can handle a lot of crap.

Friday morning, I e-mailed Athena about the comment Mrs. O had made about the Joker’s face lighting up when he sees me. She tells me that it’s a race I can’t win on endurance and he wants someone like KH and when he can’t have her, I’m the ego boost for this parasite. She told me to get my head out of my ass and face reality. When I told her that I knew all of that, she told me not to lie to her and stop crushing on him.

The Joker and I are friends. I know this. We will never be more than friends. I know this. He does not want me. I KNOW THIS!! Thanks for making me feel about two inches tall. I shouldn’t have to defend my friendship with the Joker to anyone. After the accident, he calmed me down like no one else can. He understands me and knows when I need space or when I need a fricken hug! We are friends. I want to be his friend. That’s what I am. I am not lying. Why do people have to assume more?!

I called the body shop on Friday to find out when I could go about getting a rental car since I knew Jack was going to be in the shop for a while. The secretary told me that she had just talked to my Dad who told them I didn’t need one. Excuse me? Who is my Dad to tell them whether or not I need a rental car? What part of “let me do this on my own and please stay out of it” is confusing to you? My dad told me after work on Friday that there is $4,900 worth of damage to my truck. OMG. I caused $4,900 worth of damage to my Jack.

This whole homework thing, I’m still not used to. I had a homework assignment due Friday at midnight like every other week and I submitted it on Thursday. Since it’s an online course, they let you do the assignment as many times as you want to before the due date. On Thursday, my mark was like 85% or something and I was going to do it again after work on Friday, but I ran out of time. I tend to get very disappointed in myself easily, especially when I know that I could’ve done so much better on that assignment.

I guess Friday was one of those days where everything seemed to come at me all at once: Athena smacking some sense into me; having to defend and seriously evaluate my relationship with the Joker; my Dad butting into my life when I just want him to let me deal with this on my own; and my disappointment in my time management with my homework. So VWBug, Giraffe, and I went out drinking. That’s another story!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Sweet Magnet

I don’t know what to think about this and honestly, I haven’t had much time to myself to think about what happened today. Between work and school and the accident, my head has been a million different places today.

The Joker came by my counter this morning as usual and we talked about my insurance claim and Jack and yadda yadda yadda. He headed to his office and I went back to work. So I’m sitting there, working away and one of the other ladies I work with comes over to my counter. Mrs. O is one of the sweetest ladies I know! I’ve only been at my current job posting for eleven months (12 on the 24th of this month!!) and she’s been so kind to me since I started. She works in a cubicle in the back and doesn’t come out all too often. When she does, she always has a minute to chat. This morning, she bee-lines it for my counter:

Mrs. O – [The Joker] must be sweet on you. He’s always at the counter here. It’s like a magnet for him (laughing)
Me – Oh. You think so?
Mrs. O – Sure! His face lights up when he sees you
Me – Oh, no, I don’t think so...
Mrs. O – Oh I can see it

I don’t know what to think, but let’s just throw the fact that now more people are starting to think that there is something going on. There isn’t! I do trust Mrs. O though when she says his face lights up. I have no other way of knowing, which is awkward. So I’m not really sure what exactly is going on but if he is “sweet on [me]”, he’ll know what to do. We’ve had that talk though, and there’s nothing going on. Try telling that to Mrs. O.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Crap Happens

I’m not really sure how to preface this. I’ve been staring at the blank screen watching the little black line flash up and down and the only thing I can think? I could’ve died today. Sure, Nickelback can sing “If Today Was Your Last Day” all they want, but truly, today could’ve been my last day.

My new-to-me pick-up, which I’ve named Jack (I <3 Jack!), was lowered down when I bought it, but the bottoming out on speed bumps became an issue. I had it raised to stock height and went to pick it up today. $600 later, he was as sexy as ever. And yes, I do refer to Jack as my lover and boyfriend quite often. So after picking him up this morning, I was still really early for work so I decided to gas up my truck and I took some cash out. I drove around a little bit and as I was just about to make the last turn, I got hit. I didn’t even see her coming, and I cut her off. She nailed the back bumper and side panel of my Jack. Luckily, I guess, I sped up to try to miss the collision so she only hit the back bumper. It could’ve been a lot worse. Yes, we are both fine. Yes, my insurance will go up 30% the first year, 20% the second, and 10% the third. Yes, it was my fault. I could’ve died.

We exchanged info, and I drove to work. I parked, called my mom, and cried like a baby. She tried to calm me down, but I was too wound up to really listen. As I was on the phone with her, the Joker pulled in beside me. He saw the damage and gave me a hug to try to calm me down. Obviously, that didn’t work and he said that it could and would be fixed. He stroked my back a couple of times to comfort me as I swore like a sailor at myself. We walked in together and he tried to get me to relax, but I was still teary eyed. I was so mad at myself for allowing this to happen. “I didn’t have to take money out this morning. I didn’t have to gas my truck up. I should’ve come straight from the shop.” He told me not to play the “What If” game; it doesn’t change what’s happened. His advice? Get a couple of girlfriends over and go out drinking. Really? That’s not going to make Jack better. “My problems will still be there in the morning, and I’ll be sick.” Smart words for a twenty year old, eh?

FML. Seriously. I am so mad at myself. It has made me think what if it really had been my last day? What would I change? I’m so sorry Jack. I don’t need this right now! Perhaps tomorrow morning, I won’t repeat the same words I said this morning: “Why are things going so well?” Yeah, that’s what I get.

Monday, October 5, 2009

How much is too much?

So where exactly is the line? You know, the line between “we’re friends so I’ll tell you what’s going on” and “why the hell do you want to know? It’s not like you care”. Where’s the line? Since the Joker has been asking me about my Facebook status the other day, I’m a little unsure as to why he wants to know. I don’t believe he has ulterior motives, but it’s uncharacteristic of him to be so gosh-darn curious, which makes me curious!

I Facebook messaged him Saturday night, around 10:30 (as if anyone really cares about what time I messaged him!), telling him that my status (“what was I thinking”) was a long maze of a story. He deserved some sort of explanation after I refused to banter Friday, and I guess I was hoping the “long maze of a story” would suffice. I put my phone on lock and went to bed. Please don’t judge me! I had been taking shots of Jagermeister with my mom. And sister. And dad. Well, I don’t think Dad had any Jager, but we did have some fun that night! Perhaps my tipsiness had a slight effect on my decision to message the Joker, but I’m pretty sure I would’ve done that anyways. It was just a matter of timing.

The next morning, I checked my Blackberry (as always!) and saw that he had text messaged me. Like I’ve said before, he DOESN’T text me. Weirddddd.

10:58 pm The Joker – What were you thinking?

Seriously! Why do you want to know?! Doesn’t my “long maze of a story” raise a couple of red flags? It’s code for “I’ll tell you if you really want to know, but I don’t think you want to know so run while you still can!” I guess he’s a little slow. Maybe the text message was his way of saying that he DID really want to know. How do I reply to him? Honestly, I had thought that maybe the Joker had changed his mind, but I knew that was impossible. I cannot tell him that!! I had also realized that I was crazy for ever liking T-Rex. Each one of his pictures has him holding a drink or talking about drinking. That is the complete opposite of me. Immature. Immature. Immature. Not something I am used to so why on Earth did I like him? Oi.

Guilty as hell, I knew that I had to reply to the Joker. So what do I say to him to throw him off?

10:37 am The Grasshopper – Lol it truly is a long story. I don’t know if you really want to hear about all my boy problems :p

No reply. Oh yeah! That’s right mister!! I WIN!

I still don’t know how much information I should be sharing with him. If he would have replied, I’m sure I would have told him what I had been thinking about T-Rex, but I am glad that I didn’t have to! This is yet another lesson this young grasshopper will have to figure out all on her own.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Banter Be Gone

Banter. Love it or hate it, it’s hard to escape it. There are always those people in our lives that can speak to us in such a teasingly witty way it can be hard to take them seriously. Perhaps it is because they don’t want to discuss anything serious and use this as a way of cleverly changing the topic to something playful. Maybe they don’t want to talk about themselves or would prefer to discuss one’s ever changing hair colour. Whatever the reason, banter has its advantages. Let’s not lie. If used properly, banter can be a great way to pass the time and it really can be quite funny. If it is used excessively, however, it can be quite exhausting. I know. You’re shaking your head, wondering where I am going with all of this. I don’t really know yet.

This entire week, the banter between the Joker and I has been excessive. It usually is, but for some reason it seemed to bother me. We talked about many things, from Jack to my boring relationship status. At the end of our conversations, my head is spinning, especially this week! Sure, he knows a lot of things about a lot of topics. He has great advice for me and when it comes to my truck, he knows what to do and is always willing to listen (or should I say banter?) Whatever you want to call it, this week I felt very stupid after talking to him. I don’t think of myself as a witty person (I have many witnesses to account for this!) so I find it very hard to keep up with him. Usually I’m able to keep my own while we’re talking. I like to find ways to prove him wrong because it is the only time I can talk to him. I guess it’s as normal as we’ll ever get.

I’m not sure why this week was so different, but I couldn’t do it today! He came by to talk many times today and I had to tell him that the banter wasn’t happening. He looked confused (and a little disappointed which I don’t like. This was after KH stopped by to visit. For an hour. With Starbucks. Bitch.) but I promised to work on my banter-ness. He wanted to know what my Facebook status was all about. Actually, he asked me “so what were you thinking?” About what?!! I think about a lot of things, and right now I’m not sure what the hell to think! Why don’t you clarify and tell me what to think, because I will do what you think I should. “about what? [enter awkward silence while he grins at me. Thinking. Still thinking. What the hell is he talking about? Enter lightbulb moment! My Facebook status! I had said “what was I thinking?” why does he want to know?] OH! My Facebook status?!” The Joker continues to smile, and repeats his question. I told him I couldn’t remember (sorry, kind of thinking about a couple other things at the moment!) and he tried some witty comments. When I wasn’t laughing, I apologized, but couldn’t banter today. My wittiness takes time, thoughtful consideration, and motive. I’ve got nothing, so too bad!

I am hoping for an end to the banter. My head hurts too much when I get home! We talk so fast and about so many things that it can be exhausting! Why can’t we just talk normally? This banter is on the verge of flirting and that is something the Joker and I need to stay far, far away from! Although I can’t ignore him (he makes himself known!), he knows how to push my buttons. Sure, there are days I love the banter! Now, though, I hate it. There is not enough Advil in the world to entice me to keep it up.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Dear Facebook

Dear Facebook,

It’s been four years now and we’ve been through a lot together. You’ve been there for me many times when I couldn’t go on. It was you I’ve always turned to. You saw my tears before anyone else and heard my laughter amidst all the pain.

I need to tell you something serious though. As much fun as it would be to reminisce on all of the great times we’ve shared, I can’t go on. I love you too much but I don’t feel the same love for you. I keep giving and giving but you don’t love me back anymore. No new friend requests, no messages, no new notifications. I can’t do this. I don’t have any new photos and My Fairlyland has lost its lustre.

Why would you say that? Yes, to be honest, I am seeing someone else. I’ve been flirting around a little bit because you’re just not treating me like I need you to.

I’ve spent some time with Myspace, Twitter, Wordpress, and Tumblr. Blogger has me smitten. I can say whatever I want and I won’t be judged.

Don’t cry. It’s not your fault. Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be no matter how hard we try. I need a break. I need some space, Facebook. There is nothing else I can do right now. I know you don’t love me as much as I love you.

You’re with them now. I get it. I’ve accepted the fact we can’t go on. I can no longer live up to your expectations. No amount of photo albums or notes can keep me here. I don’t want a new application. The chat? It’s just lame.

You know I’ll be back Facebook. I just need a little space right now. We’re strong enough to get through this, but right now, your heart is just not in this. I get it. Don't worry about me; I've been through this before.

Love Always,
The Grasshopper

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Just A Little Something

For some reason, I’m not feeling very talkative today, which is weird because I talk a lot. I guess I’m just not in the talking kind of mood today. I do have some random thoughts today though. I will share.

1) Is “replyable” a word? The red squiggly line is suggesting it is not, but I think it should be. For example, if someone replies in a text message with simply “lol”, you are not obligated to text back. What does one say to “lol”? There isn’t much I can think of, and if you do, you are just carrying on your own conversation. This also means that the person you are talking to doesn’t know how to reply to your message and cannot think of anything clever to respond with. Thus, “lol” is not a replyable text message. It should be a word. Urban dictionary anyone?

2) Is it just me or does everyone think they’re funny? Sometimes, people just need to shut the hell up. Srsly. Stop talking. If I’m not replying in a positive manner, probably a sign you’re not the next Bill Cosby. Just saying...

3) Shameless blog plug, if I may! My friend, Athena, writes over
here at Our World Collides. I call it “The Greatest Myspace Page EVER”, but I don’t want it to go to her head. She’s the greatest!

That is really all I’ve got today. Bleh. I'm very disapointed I don't have more to say. Note to self: no more coffee! Too many headaches = bad moods.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

All About Me

Wow! This will be my thirtieth post! To commemorate this somewhat-significant milestone, I decided that I probably should tell ya’ll a little bit about myself! I love to make lists. Once, I even had a co-worker (assistant manager actually!) fired because I was the creator of the list of things she did wrong. Apparently, my manager agreed with my list and she was “relieved of her duties”. Haha, yeah no. He just liked me better! So, without further adieu, a list of random things about me: The Grasshopper.

1.) It takes me 2 hours and 10 minutes to get ready in the mornings.
2.) I have a current obsession with Elvis Presley.
3.) Smokey and the Bandit is my favorite movie of all time! And the original Love Bug (especially where the car splits in half!!! hahahahaa)
4.) I check my phone frequently, but know I will not have any texts. If I do, I’m always amazed, but they are usually just from Facebook which always disappoints me.
5.) The walls in my room are currently three different colours.
6.) I think granola bars are justified as a nutritious lunch.
7.) I hate roller coasters, with a passion. They scare the daylights out of me.
8.) I've never seen a horror movie. Something with a happy ending, is SO much more my style. (And yes, I can say that without seeing one.)
9.) I like a little bit of coffee with my cream. French vanilla or caramel, but definitely not black.
10.) My dad is my hero and my mom is my best friend.
11.) I think I was conceived at a truck stop. ick!
12.) Whiskey instead of wine, please.
13.) I prefer partying at home. It's much cheaper. I hate going out.
14.) I LOVE the rain, especially when it bounces off the road. A good book, a london fog, and the pouring rain <3
15.) I turn the thermostat down when I am home alone and put on an extra sweater instead.
16.) My idea of a good night is cheese Ritz crackers, oysters, beer, and a hockey game. Srsly.
17.) I am very quiet around people I've just met, but I'm not shy.
18.) I try to avoid family reunions at all possible costs. Most of them are crazy..
19.) I like living at home, but can't wait to get married and have kids.
20.) I’ve learned so much over the past year, I think I could write a book

Well, there you have it! The Grasshopper summed up into twenty points That was easier than I thought! Maybe I’ll make lists more often. They’re fun!

Don't Make Me Hit You Again...

I don’t know if this really deserves its own post, but what the hell! Zero had oh so kindly returned the supplies from Plan SPM today. He included a little note that read something like “Thanks for the thoughtful consideration. Due to the money invested, I hope you can make use of this. Thanks!” After devouring the Mars bar, I flipped through the magazine (Marie Claire, of course!) and made sure I grabbed it on the way out.

As the Joker and I were walking out today, we were talking about the chocolate bar/trust issue after Plan SPM. I reminded him yet again that women do not throw out chocolate. When it is that time of the month, NO chocolate is spared!! It is devoured in seconds and any chocolate that is thrown out is devastation to all mankind! Okay, so perhaps I didn’t go quite that far into it, but I think he got the message!

He then proceeds to tell me that our joke was an “epic failure”. Instinctively, I hit him with my magazine. Right across his umbrella-holding arm, as I called him an ass! WHACK! Seriously! Epic failure!? What the hell asshole?! I know that he thoroughly enjoyed our little game today, but good grief. It was really fun to smack him. A lot of anger that had to be released, I don’t know if one smack was sufficient. It definitely made me feel better though!

I told him that he has to be nice to me tomorrow, because I might be in a really bad mood (something I’m dreading/nervously excited for is happening). He said that he isn’t nice any other day, so why should he be nice tomorrow. I told him that he has to be nice! I might need him to be nice tomorrow, but he says that he is never nice so it wouldn’t make a difference.

Why is he so difficult? Seriously, all mind games. Maybe I’ll get to smack him tomorrow too!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

I don't want to talk about the Joker

I don’t really feel like talking today. Weird, I know. If I start rambling, it will be about the Joker and I am so sick and tired of talking about him. I have so many other things I could blog about!

The church service reminded me of him. Honest to goodness! It was a message that he and I have argued about many, many times, and I took a full page of notes. I even thought about texting him last night to see if he would be interested in going with me this morning (it’s an MB church with a Saturday night service and two on Sunday morning. I’m a rebel: church on Saturday night baby!!). I don’t know if it was God who put this thought in my brain, but I didn’t text him. Strange feeling to have, but I just am unsure if our relationship is at that level. Can I just text him and ask if he wants to go to church with me the next day? I just don’t think he’s ready for that, especially after our trust convo. See? Look at me! I said I was going to ramble about the joker, and I am.

Okay, new topic. Last Saturday, VWBug and I had semi-plans for a coffee date. I, unfortunately, had to bail and we re-scheduled for this Saturday night. Now she hates me, because I bailed again. Why this time? Family night. *Sigh* Please don’t lose your lunch, but it’s the only time the four of us can sit around at home and visit. Sorry VWBug, you don’t understand how important these nights are for us. They are a rarity, and hate me if you want. I didn’t know when we planned the night that it fell on a family night! Honestly, I have apologized five times, and she keeps replying via text “Okay...” Oh no you don’t! Don’t you dare use ellipsis with me honey! I can read that tone in your voice clear as daylight!!

The truth is, we hide so we can be found, we walk away to see who will follow, we cry to see who will wipe away our tears, and we let our hearts get broken to see who will come and fix them.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Chocolate Answers

I just couldn’t let it be. I wanted answers. I wanted the truth: Why would you throw out a chocolate bar? I asked the Joker at the end of the day if he had eaten his. No, he threw it out. I couldn’t tell him I already knew, but I had to start somewhere.

Upon further examination, he posed the question to me: Would you eat something that came anonymously in the inter-office mail? I said that if it was a sealed chocolate bar, probably! He said that he didn’t know where it came from, but I asked who would purposely poison a chocolate bar and send it to him? Really now? He said that the list of people who disliked him and would do that was quite long. How was he to be sure it was sealed? I asked if he wanted me to include a receipt next time, but he said that just proved the transaction and nothing more. He told me to think about it. Think about it, I did.

7:57 Grasshopper – Alright, so I thought about it and here’s the deal: I totally would’ve eaten the chocolate!! Don’t care where it came from and esp some times of the month, all women want is chocolate!! I don’t think, or at least I hope, anyone hates me enough to buy a candy bar, tamper it, and send it to me interoffice. Really. Chocolate is always, always good :) you think too much :p
7:59 Joker – I don’t trust people that much
8:01 Grasshopper – Obviously. But srsly, it’s a chocolate bar! Do you think someone hates you that much? That much time on their hands to torture you?
8:02 Joker – Yes I do think people hate me that much
8:04 Grasshopper – Well that`s ridiculous. You need to stop thinking that everyone is out to get you. It’s not true
8:10 Grasshopper – There are a lot of good people out there you know...
8:19 Joker – Maybe so but I’m still not gonna trust anonymous packages
8:27 Grasshopper – That’s fair enough. I’m sorry if it offended you, was just meant as a joke.

I’m not sure how a joke regarding moody men needing Midol has turned into an issue about trust, but such is life. This man has some deep issues. I wonder if he even trusts me. I would never hurt him, but how can I prove that if he won’t give me a chance? I just want him to know I’d never let him down. I’m the one who gets let down, always. Somehow, you just get back up and keep fighting. Perhaps he’s been knocked around one too many times. Does he trust me?

No, actually I don't know. That's why I asked.

By five o’clock on Thursday, I was more than ready to go home. The Joker and I work on the sixth floor, and we had to stop on the fifth and fourth floors before our elevator car was full. We even stopped on the third, but were out of space.

As we’re leaving the building, Athena and her friends are walking one direction, and I’m following (not really following, but by habit we’re walking in the same direction) the Joker towards our trucks. He then proceeds to say “You know, you can walk with Athena if you want.” REALLY!???!! Wow, I am so surprised! Are you giving me permission to walk with one of my best friends?! That is so kind of you! I am eternally grateful! How do I ever make this grand gesture up to you? Okay, so you caught all that sarcasm? Good. I told him that I tend to get quiet and awkward when I’m walking with them, which is very true. I don’t do well when meeting new people and I’m not very successful at joining in conversations, so I wouldn’t have said a word. Once I know someone, I don’t shut up and I tell them everything but until then, it’s not so enjoyable. I told him that my car was in the opposite direction they were walking and it didn’t really make sense to me. This must have satisfied him because he did stop talking then.

When he stops talking, I tend to believe something is wrong and to avoid this I ask him about his job. Works like a charm, I swear. He goes on and on about this, that, and the colour of the sky. He said that when employees call asking how to run the computer programs installed on their computers, he is expected to know. “It’s like just because you have a key to your truck, you know how to fix it.” Ah yes, always get back to the fact that I don’t have a clue how to do anything with Jack. Thanks for the reminder. I said that he was right and he said that he is always right. I called him “Mr. Cocky” and we said our goodnights. (This story does have a point, I promise!!)

Last night I was doing homework on my bed (in the exact same spot I am now, actually!) and my phone beeped. This, alone, is slightly unusual. I thought it might be a text message from Facebook or possibly my sister, but when I checked, well, it was the Joker. He and I haven’t text messaged in about eight months, maybe longer. Okay, so I admit that I did text him last Tuesday just to see if we were allowed to talk outside of work or if that was considered harassment. I thought it was funny!! He replies Wednesday night, while I’m at the Keith Urban concert he knew about and while he was working at his second (or possibly third?) job. “I think we can still talk”. Yeah, I know. Lamesauce. So last night, this was our conversation:

6:53 Joker - So am I too cocky for my own good :)
6:57 Grasshopper - What do you mean?
6:58 Joker - Lol you know :)
7:07 Grasshopper - I guess it depends on the situation. Didn't we discuss confident vs. cocky?
7:20 Grasshopper - Wait: the confidential mail? Lol
7:50 Joker - You mean the confidential male?

7:51 Grasshopper - Is that what its called now? Lol
9:04 Grasshopper - And no, you're not too cocky. :) There are days. And moments but overall... :p

The Joker does not use emoticons or “lol” in use text messages. If I knew what he had meant in the first place, I wouldn’t have asked! What was he talking about? Did he know I was involved on the Midol Joke? Is that what he meant? Can he see on my face what I don’t want to admit? Is that what he’s talking about? “Lol you know :)” What the heck? I know a lot of things, but I don’t know what you know so what is this about? I tried to not throw my phone across the room, with success actually! And then, for him to reply right away to not at all... Like what’s up with that?! Clearly, I need help. Blogging is just so much cheaper than therapy.

Well-Behaved Women Rarely Make History

Thursday morning I e-mailed Athena to vent. Stupid, petty things the Joker had done had really pissed me off. Dude. We park in the same spot every morning, but now you want to park closer to the building. WTF? Okay, I know. It’s a small thing. He didn’t come over to talk at all on Wednesday and it seemed like he was ignoring me. Something about his attitude on Wednesday just really seemed to strike a nerve with me. I started to think about the way he had been talking to me and I realized that I didn’t enjoy being talked at like I was five. It’s slightly disrespectful. Athena did have a plan, as she always seems to! The ultimate practical joke was about to go down.

Athena - I have always wanted to send the Zero some Midol
Grasshopper - DO ITTTTT!!!!!!! That would be hilarious Athena!
Athena - Well if I do, I’m not going in alone!
Grasshopper - Just tell me what you want me to do! They [the Joker and Zero] deserve this!
Athena - Alright, well we’ll need two chocolate bars, two bottles of Midol, and two brand new inter-office envelopes so it can’t be traced (We were planning on sending our surprises through the inter-department mail, and I work on the same floor as the Joker and Zero, but Athena doesn’t.)
Grasshopper - And a magazine, Cosmo or something. Do you want me to go to Shopper’s on my break?
Athena - Sure!
Grasshopper - Okay, I’ll call you when I get back.
And that was it. Plan SPM was in motion.

I asked the lady at Shopper’s to double-bag by supplies. We loaded it into the envelopes, and Athena carefully wrote their names on the outside. We even stamped “Confidential” just to be on the safe side. You never know with IT people. They’re weird and snoopy.

One thing you have to know about me is that I am incapable of lying. If Zero or the Joker had come up to me, (which thank goodness they didn’t! I would’ve died!) and asked me who the packages were from, they would know it was me and Athena. Guilt is painted all over my face, and then I start to laugh and no matter how many times I try, oh so hard, to remain stoic, I fail.

Mr. W picked up the packages (one of the IT managers) and I hid. Seriously! I had 483 invoices to file, so I managed to hide within the comfort of my file cabinets and I didn’t see either one of them until the end of the day. It was humorous when the only girl in IT, Ms IT, came over and asked me who dropped off the packages. Like I said, I couldn’t lie and she thought it was very funny. She said that the first person they guessed was Athena, but she swore herself to secrecy.

As the Joker and I were walking out, he didn’t mention a thing about the Midol Joke. Athena even joined us in the elevator, but nobody said anything. It was great!

Today I had to go into the dreaded IT room. It smells like man sweat in there, very disgusting. Anyways, I saw that Zero was proudly displaying his “medication” on the top of his desk. I couldn’t help myself and I asked if he had eaten his chocolate bar. He asked which chocolate bar, and I said “the one that came with the Midol.” Their manager, Hottie #3, and another co-worker, The A, were there too, and Hottie #3 says, “It was you?!!” I said that I may have had something to do with it (enter wink here!). Zero says, “Well tell Athena that I didn’t eat it.” I asked why not and he proceeds to tell me that they thought it may have been poisoned. I said that it was sealed!! What did we do? Poison it with ex-lax and then reseal it?? I promised that next time we’ll make some brownies and put a little surprise in there. The A and Hottie #3 found that very entertaining. I asked Zero if he had taken any me
dication and that he should. “You seem a bit off”; once again, they laughed.

Hottie #3 asked me after I left the stinky room who my “accomplices” were. I told him that I had to keep some secrets, but their initial guesses were on track. I admitted it was Athena and I and he was very impressed in our joking abilities. He said we had definitely stumped them and I was happy to take some of the credit!

Ms IT walked by later in the day and said that Athena and I had been found out. I said that I couldn’t take it any longer: we deserve the credit for the awesomeness!! When I told her that Zero hadn’t even eaten his chocolate bar, she said that the Joker threw his out. I couldn’t believe he would do that to a perfectly good chocolate bar! It was Mars! Caramel + chocolate = love!! She said that they thought it might have been poisoned and didn’t want to take any chances. CHOCOLATE. Need I say more?

I am very, very proud of Athena and I! Our joke had completely stumped the boys, and they got exactly what they deserve: a little taste of their own medicine!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Joe Cool?

I don’t get bored very easily, but sometimes my mind just needs a little break. My muscles don’t want to move so what do I do for excitement? Refresh the intranet page. Oh yeah, I’m cool like that. They used to have a “Quote of the Day” but replaced it with some health tip thing. As if I care about going “green”; I want the quote of the day back!

We even have this cool “Buy and Sell” feature and periodically (alright, once an hour!) I check on there to see if there are any cool concert tickets or whatnot. Well this afternoon, I checked and saw that the Joker was selling his rice rocket, noisemaker, motorbike thing. I immediately e-mailed Athena: was he going to sell his motorbike and follow KH around the world? No, she disagreed. The $4,000 he was asking for would never be enough to keep her happy. Ouch. She added that it was too bad he was selling his bike because “it was the only cool thing about him”. Double ouch.

As the Joker and I were walking out, I asked why he had decided to sell it. He said that he only put 1500 km on it this year because he’s too busy with housework and his driveway and the like. It had become a $4,000 paperweight and upon selling it, he can help pay off his dad’s car. He said that his dad bought a new car, but it’s in the Joker’s name and always will be or something like that. It’s his dad’s toy. Intrigued, I asked what kind of car it was. “A ’64 Chevelle Supersport”, he replies. I gasp. Instinctively and completely, I inhaled sharply and then I giggled. I thought he was joking! That is a sexy car; there is no way it is owned by the Joker! I told him that I would never picture him in a car like that, and he asked if I thought he was gay or something. I said “No! No! I don’t know; I just would never think...” I asked what colour it was because that is the only thing I would be able to understand anyways. The rest is gibberish. It is currently a burgundy colour (I was thinking red or black) but it is originally blue. He said that he and his dad have to install the motor (well yes, it is necessary there buddy) and it was going to be the wintertime job. I told him to bring it to work so I could see, but looking back I should have just demanded a ride in it (once the motor is in, of course).

I’m sorry Athena, but a Chevelle is way cooler than a motorbike can ever dream of being!! The Joker has taken me completely by surprise this time. Who would’ve thought he would be cool?

Don't Let Him Go

I e-mailed Athena this morning to catch her up on some of the latest happenings with the Joker and I. I hadn’t talked to her in a while and desperately needed her to knock some sense into me! With all of his niceness lately, I wasn’t sure what was going on and she put me right back in my place. No more daydreaming around here!

She called a few minutes later with some KH news. Through the grapevine, she told me that KH has quit her job at the City and will be living it up with her sugar daddy.
Athena told me KH had a profile on and she had been talking with a married fellow who has swept her off of her feet. He’s going to build her a house and take care of her every need (and something about Mexico?) So she quit her job. This is all gossip, I’m sure. Really now, doesn’t that sound too good to be true! Take me with you KH!! I don’t know if she has actually quit her job or not yet, but this is too good to be made up. Athena said she found out on Thursday and thought that might be why the Joker had been so upset. When I told her that he had been really happy, well, that just makes no sense then!

Perhaps I should join KH and find me a sugar daddy! I could use a new house and some champagne! I diamond wouldn’t hurt either...

Seriously though, if this is true, she is going to be his mistress? I’ve never met the girl and shouldn’t judger her without knowing her, but it’s a trait I’m not proud of and have inherited from my dad. I have heard she’s “free” but how would you sleep at night knowing what you’re doing is so wrong? I guess one might sleep quite well. Four post bed. Jacuzzi tub. Satin sheets. Candlelight. It just might be the perfect lifestyle: a man who is not happy at home or has extra money to spend, meet woman in need of attention. Yes, I guess that might work out just fine.

I wonder if the rumour is true! Good for you KH! I just have a little advice for you, in the form of a song of course!

So you figure that you’ve got him all figured out,
He’s a sweet talkin stud
Who can melt a girl’s heart with his pout
He’s the kind of lover that the ladies dream about

He’s got plenty of cash
He’s got plenty of friends
He drives women wild
Then he drives off in a Mercedes-benz
He’s got a long wick with a flame at both ends
He’s hot

Bud don’t let him go
Just give him a chance to grow
Take it easy, take it slow
And don’t let him go

Don't let him go

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Too Much To Do

Do you know what I would really like? One day where I am not stressed out about anything. Today it’s Jack. I have so many things to do to my new truck and although I want help on some things, others I know that I can do own my own.

Take my front license plate, for example. I have a plate and a plate holder but I have to drill holes in the bumper an
d install it. Well, I don’t know how to use a drill, first of all. I was lying under the truck the other day, trying to see where I could put the holes (which I’ll also need those anchor bolt things – note to self) but I couldn’t see anything because the truck is lowered down. So here I am, feeling around the bumper trying to see, but I can’t because I’m not all the way under the truck which wouldn’t help anyways. My mom comes home and asks me “what the hell are you doing down there?” I told her that I didn’t have a clue. My, oh my, this is frustrating!

Another thing. I need to buy winter wheels for Jack. Well, it’s a 2WD pick-up (which apparently means something relating to the wheels that I just don’t understand, but whatever) and the Joker has told me that wheels will be hard to find. He said he’s been looking for the past year and half but can’t find anything because of the offset or something. He has a similar pick-up, but his wheels are five stud whereas mine are six. I’ve tried talking to my dad about it, but I kind of want to do it on my own. Still, when I do talk to him about it, somehow we end up talking about one of our four other vehicles instead. Excuse me? Were we not just talking about my vehicle? How exactly does the Kia relate to previously-loved wheels for Jack which we cannot find? I don’t want to talk about the Kia! I want advice for my search! My dad told me today that he never gets to see me. True, I spend about five minutes with you in the mornings and on your days off we try to have family dinners. The Joker told me to ask my dad about the wheels and when I told him I hadn’t told my dad about it, he said I was “lying by omission”. You see, I’m not purposely lying to my dad. I’m not lying to my dad. I never get to see him, so we don’t talk about this. It doesn’t count as lying if there is no communication!

Apparently, new winter tires for my truck are going to cost around seven hundred dollars. Wait just a minute: aha!!! Okay, so mini-freak out over and now I have to call around to these sketch auto-wreckers and ask if they have the wheels I’m looking for. I don’t know what I’m looking for!! The Joker has told me more than once what I need, but I feel so stupid having to ask repeatedly. He has given me so much advice already on the new truck, including how to go over speed bumps. In my defence, the truck is lowered down and rides about 2 ½ inches off of the ground which I’m not used to. How am I supposed to know about shocks? Stop on the top of the speed bump? I don’t know! He did, however, nicely bring up that he taught me how to do that in front of my manager and a co-worker the other day. I’m pretty sure I turned bright red. Thanks for that.

My air-conditioner, which I’m still not used to having, works really well! It’s great to have to turn the fan to the fourth level to feel any air circulating. Not. I told my dad and h
e suggested I call the dealer and get them to take a look at it. Alright, so I called and made an appointment but when I talked to the Joker about it, he had other ideas. Unbeknownst to me, it was “common sense” to check underneath the dash if it was a problem with the switch. “Just pull the dash off” was his suggestion. Pull the dash off?!!! How the hell do I do that? Why would I do that? My truck-driving father has told me to take it the dealer and the Joker’s telling me to pull the dash off. What the hell?! Then he said it would be easier to see if there was, in fact, a problem with the switch so I’d just have to go down to the dealer and get a new switch. Although, it might be a malfunction in the wiring, I won’t know that until I’ve installed a new switch. Suuurrrreeeeee. I’ll get right on that one.

I don’t know any of the lingo he uses and it all sounds like gibberish. The one thing I do hate is when he uses the “you’re a girl” argument with me. “Typical girl” he says to me. What is that supposed to mean? I don’t know how to do this because I have boobs? Well excuse me, mister asshole! Let me show you that I will learn how to do this and I will do it on my own. I bought the truck because a) I’ve always wanted a truck and never liked my car (except in the summer) b) I wanted to learn how to take care of it, and c) I was bored with life and needed a change. One thing I didn’t account for was the amount of stress and money that was going to come with it! I want to, no, I have to prove the Joker wrong. I’m not a typical girl and I know that I can figure this out.

I think I’ve lived in a mechanics bubble all my life. Dad has always had the theory that there are people who are paid to do this and since we don’t know how and have money, they can do it properly for us. The Joker suggested I take a Mechanics 101 course at the university. He was serious.

Ich Liebe Dich, meine Schwester

My younger sister and I are nothing alike and I mean that sincerely. We are complete opposites, and although people used to think we were twins when we were younger we’re two years apart. We look nothing alike now and act completely different. She loves R&B and has a subwoofer in the trunk of her bright red Honda Civic with 22” rims. I drive a pick-up named Jack and would much prefer to blare George Jones than T-Pain.

Bestie and I are the best of friends. She has always been there for me and when she cries, I cry. I cannot see her upset and it kills me inside when she is. I would do anything for her and I know that she will never leave me. I could not imagine my life without her. We grew up like typical girls, playing Barbies and house. We didn’t have many friends growing up but it never mattered because I got to spend every day with my favourite person in the world. Inseparable? Yes, you could say that! She knows me better than I know myself and although that is slightly scary, a love like ours cannot be defined.

I went on a mini road trip with VWBug a couple of weeks ago and it was
not nearly as much fun as it would have been if Bestie was with me instead. Her and I get along so well, I feel incomplete without her. I cannot imagine my life without her.

I love you. Please don’t cry. Let me hold you until your heart heals. The pain will go away, I promise. We’ll lay here and cry together. I wish I could make it better but all I can give you is my love. You’re my everything Bree.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It's Too Late To Worry

My relationship with the Joker is a little “odd” to say the least. Lately, we’ve been talking a lot more and he’s been really nice, and dare I say it, sweet.

Every night, or almost every night, in case he’s working late (gotta love overtime!) or one of us has to leave early (which is rare) we walk out together. Those four minutes are really the best part of my day. It doesn’t matter what we’re talking about (we’ve had conversations about where government money should be spend: curing cancer or NASA. I was adamant about the cancer research and he was pro-space discovery. I do think I won that argument though!), we have good chemistry and although we don’t agree on everything, we get along really well.

Yesterday he had to attend the “Respectful Behaviour in the Workplace” seminar, and he asked what I thought about it. I had kind of brushed off the seminar and I didn’t really know what to think about it. I don’t think that I learned anything and most of it was fairly common sense. Hey, it was a waste of time and money, but no one cares I guess! Of course, the Joker had an opinion on it! (Enter shocked face here.) He mentioned how it didn’t seem right that our supervisor’s could get involved in employees personal lives, especially after the work day. The seminar leader told us that if Employee A sends an inappropriate e-mail from his/her personal e-mail account to Employee B’s personal e-mail accounts, it is considered harassment. This is, of course, if he/she doesn’t stop sending them after you ask him/her to. I’m not 100% sure why exactly he would bring this up, but I’m assuming he felt slightly guilty after some of conversations he’s had with fellow employees. I’m not sure. I do know that he had a thing for KH, one of the girls that works at our other office. In fact, I’ve heard he bought her roses for Valentine’s Day and I’ve also heard she is, well, a little “free”. I don’t know; I’ve never met the girl so I cannot say for certain. I’ve also been told he was crazy about another girl, but she told him repeatedly she had a boyfriend. Perhaps he realized some of this could have been considered harassment, but I don’t know why he would tell me.

When I pulled into the parking lot today, the Joker was there. Before me.
He is never (with a few exceptions, I must admit) there before me. Hardly ever. When he is, he listens to the radio before going in and usually won’t walk in with me. The chances of him and I walking in together in the morning are slim to none. So when I got there today and saw him sitting in his truck, I didn’t think much of it. I had my Reba blaring and parked beside him, but as I was getting out I heard his door slam. Something is just odd. I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but these events are just very rare and uncharacteristic of him. I’m not complaining though!

As we walked in, I told him that I was going to the Keith Urban concert tonight (I know and it’s okay to be jealous!) and he said he might call. I couldn’t quite get what he was saying. Was he going to call me while I was at the concert? That would be really weird! He clarified and said that he might call his boss and check if they were “doing the show” (they do the sound for big concerts) but he couldn’t go anyways because he will be working at another job tonight. I swear, this guy works way too much! He said that he had done the Johnny Reid concert a couple of times, and I asked if he had met Johnny. “Of course!” I think I melted! He asked if I was “gogo” over Johnny Reid, although I think he meant “gaga” and I said that I was. Duh! As if I didn’t know, the Joker mentioned that Keith Urban is married as well. “Oh I know. But I can look, can’t I?” See! I am getting better at these comebacks! By this time, our walk/elevator ride was over and we had to start work.

Every day gets a little more interesting and I sure hope this keeps up! Now if only he would reply to my text messages and decide about Alpha, we’d be set!