Saturday, November 21, 2009

Waiting For This

Life is such a game we play with ourselves. We sit around hoping, praying, and dreaming about that perfect moment. We buy movies like 27 Dresses and dream about our perfect man (James Marsden, anyone?) and how our wedding day will have the same “look” from our husband-to-be as he has for that blonde chick he’s with in the movie. Maybe it’s that dream house that overlooks the ocean or the BMW that brings a whole new meaning to the song “Faster Car”. Whatever it is, we are never satisfied. Constantly, we want more than we have.

We wait around for the perfect words. You know the ones I mean. There is that string of words that convince us we’re not crazy and since life is a game, but when we finally hear them, are we truly satisfied? I think not.

For so long, I’ve waited for my friends to tell me that I’m right and that all that has gone on is what I have been seeing. Not to say that I haven’t been seeing, but I know that they see things in a different light and from a different point of view, so I trust their opinions more than I trust my own. Since I heard those words this week, I’m not satisfied. I waited and waited for them to be written, spoken, and portrayed to me in a new light but now that the opinions and beliefs are out there, I wish I hadn’t heard them. Sure, I wanted the opinion but that was not the opinion I was expecting.

I know I’m crazy but I want “someone else” to convince me of that this time. Sure, we can talk and joke about it, but at the end of the day, nothing really matters. We can have all of the opinions and analyze every movement and phrase but it just does not matter. No new text messages. No plans for this weekend. No banter. It may have finally been what I’ve always wanted to hear, but this isn’t how I always thought it would feel.


Nik said...

Your "time" is gonna come. I want mine to come soon too . . . I feel ya. We're both waiting together, I guess!

This was a great post btw!

Be strong!