Saturday, September 26, 2009

Well-Behaved Women Rarely Make History

Thursday morning I e-mailed Athena to vent. Stupid, petty things the Joker had done had really pissed me off. Dude. We park in the same spot every morning, but now you want to park closer to the building. WTF? Okay, I know. It’s a small thing. He didn’t come over to talk at all on Wednesday and it seemed like he was ignoring me. Something about his attitude on Wednesday just really seemed to strike a nerve with me. I started to think about the way he had been talking to me and I realized that I didn’t enjoy being talked at like I was five. It’s slightly disrespectful. Athena did have a plan, as she always seems to! The ultimate practical joke was about to go down.

Athena - I have always wanted to send the Zero some Midol
Grasshopper - DO ITTTTT!!!!!!! That would be hilarious Athena!
Athena - Well if I do, I’m not going in alone!
Grasshopper - Just tell me what you want me to do! They [the Joker and Zero] deserve this!
Athena - Alright, well we’ll need two chocolate bars, two bottles of Midol, and two brand new inter-office envelopes so it can’t be traced (We were planning on sending our surprises through the inter-department mail, and I work on the same floor as the Joker and Zero, but Athena doesn’t.)
Grasshopper - And a magazine, Cosmo or something. Do you want me to go to Shopper’s on my break?
Athena - Sure!
Grasshopper - Okay, I’ll call you when I get back.
And that was it. Plan SPM was in motion.

I asked the lady at Shopper’s to double-bag by supplies. We loaded it into the envelopes, and Athena carefully wrote their names on the outside. We even stamped “Confidential” just to be on the safe side. You never know with IT people. They’re weird and snoopy.

One thing you have to know about me is that I am incapable of lying. If Zero or the Joker had come up to me, (which thank goodness they didn’t! I would’ve died!) and asked me who the packages were from, they would know it was me and Athena. Guilt is painted all over my face, and then I start to laugh and no matter how many times I try, oh so hard, to remain stoic, I fail.

Mr. W picked up the packages (one of the IT managers) and I hid. Seriously! I had 483 invoices to file, so I managed to hide within the comfort of my file cabinets and I didn’t see either one of them until the end of the day. It was humorous when the only girl in IT, Ms IT, came over and asked me who dropped off the packages. Like I said, I couldn’t lie and she thought it was very funny. She said that the first person they guessed was Athena, but she swore herself to secrecy.

As the Joker and I were walking out, he didn’t mention a thing about the Midol Joke. Athena even joined us in the elevator, but nobody said anything. It was great!

Today I had to go into the dreaded IT room. It smells like man sweat in there, very disgusting. Anyways, I saw that Zero was proudly displaying his “medication” on the top of his desk. I couldn’t help myself and I asked if he had eaten his chocolate bar. He asked which chocolate bar, and I said “the one that came with the Midol.” Their manager, Hottie #3, and another co-worker, The A, were there too, and Hottie #3 says, “It was you?!!” I said that I may have had something to do with it (enter wink here!). Zero says, “Well tell Athena that I didn’t eat it.” I asked why not and he proceeds to tell me that they thought it may have been poisoned. I said that it was sealed!! What did we do? Poison it with ex-lax and then reseal it?? I promised that next time we’ll make some brownies and put a little surprise in there. The A and Hottie #3 found that very entertaining. I asked Zero if he had taken any me
dication and that he should. “You seem a bit off”; once again, they laughed.

Hottie #3 asked me after I left the stinky room who my “accomplices” were. I told him that I had to keep some secrets, but their initial guesses were on track. I admitted it was Athena and I and he was very impressed in our joking abilities. He said we had definitely stumped them and I was happy to take some of the credit!

Ms IT walked by later in the day and said that Athena and I had been found out. I said that I couldn’t take it any longer: we deserve the credit for the awesomeness!! When I told her that Zero hadn’t even eaten his chocolate bar, she said that the Joker threw his out. I couldn’t believe he would do that to a perfectly good chocolate bar! It was Mars! Caramel + chocolate = love!! She said that they thought it might have been poisoned and didn’t want to take any chances. CHOCOLATE. Need I say more?

I am very, very proud of Athena and I! Our joke had completely stumped the boys, and they got exactly what they deserve: a little taste of their own medicine!