Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Just A Little Something

For some reason, I’m not feeling very talkative today, which is weird because I talk a lot. I guess I’m just not in the talking kind of mood today. I do have some random thoughts today though. I will share.

1) Is “replyable” a word? The red squiggly line is suggesting it is not, but I think it should be. For example, if someone replies in a text message with simply “lol”, you are not obligated to text back. What does one say to “lol”? There isn’t much I can think of, and if you do, you are just carrying on your own conversation. This also means that the person you are talking to doesn’t know how to reply to your message and cannot think of anything clever to respond with. Thus, “lol” is not a replyable text message. It should be a word. Urban dictionary anyone?

2) Is it just me or does everyone think they’re funny? Sometimes, people just need to shut the hell up. Srsly. Stop talking. If I’m not replying in a positive manner, probably a sign you’re not the next Bill Cosby. Just saying...

3) Shameless blog plug, if I may! My friend, Athena, writes over
here at Our World Collides. I call it “The Greatest Myspace Page EVER”, but I don’t want it to go to her head. She’s the greatest!

That is really all I’ve got today. Bleh. I'm very disapointed I don't have more to say. Note to self: no more coffee! Too many headaches = bad moods.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

All About Me

Wow! This will be my thirtieth post! To commemorate this somewhat-significant milestone, I decided that I probably should tell ya’ll a little bit about myself! I love to make lists. Once, I even had a co-worker (assistant manager actually!) fired because I was the creator of the list of things she did wrong. Apparently, my manager agreed with my list and she was “relieved of her duties”. Haha, yeah no. He just liked me better! So, without further adieu, a list of random things about me: The Grasshopper.

1.) It takes me 2 hours and 10 minutes to get ready in the mornings.
2.) I have a current obsession with Elvis Presley.
3.) Smokey and the Bandit is my favorite movie of all time! And the original Love Bug (especially where the car splits in half!!! hahahahaa)
4.) I check my phone frequently, but know I will not have any texts. If I do, I’m always amazed, but they are usually just from Facebook which always disappoints me.
5.) The walls in my room are currently three different colours.
6.) I think granola bars are justified as a nutritious lunch.
7.) I hate roller coasters, with a passion. They scare the daylights out of me.
8.) I've never seen a horror movie. Something with a happy ending, is SO much more my style. (And yes, I can say that without seeing one.)
9.) I like a little bit of coffee with my cream. French vanilla or caramel, but definitely not black.
10.) My dad is my hero and my mom is my best friend.
11.) I think I was conceived at a truck stop. ick!
12.) Whiskey instead of wine, please.
13.) I prefer partying at home. It's much cheaper. I hate going out.
14.) I LOVE the rain, especially when it bounces off the road. A good book, a london fog, and the pouring rain <3
15.) I turn the thermostat down when I am home alone and put on an extra sweater instead.
16.) My idea of a good night is cheese Ritz crackers, oysters, beer, and a hockey game. Srsly.
17.) I am very quiet around people I've just met, but I'm not shy.
18.) I try to avoid family reunions at all possible costs. Most of them are crazy..
19.) I like living at home, but can't wait to get married and have kids.
20.) I’ve learned so much over the past year, I think I could write a book

Well, there you have it! The Grasshopper summed up into twenty points That was easier than I thought! Maybe I’ll make lists more often. They’re fun!

Don't Make Me Hit You Again...

I don’t know if this really deserves its own post, but what the hell! Zero had oh so kindly returned the supplies from Plan SPM today. He included a little note that read something like “Thanks for the thoughtful consideration. Due to the money invested, I hope you can make use of this. Thanks!” After devouring the Mars bar, I flipped through the magazine (Marie Claire, of course!) and made sure I grabbed it on the way out.

As the Joker and I were walking out today, we were talking about the chocolate bar/trust issue after Plan SPM. I reminded him yet again that women do not throw out chocolate. When it is that time of the month, NO chocolate is spared!! It is devoured in seconds and any chocolate that is thrown out is devastation to all mankind! Okay, so perhaps I didn’t go quite that far into it, but I think he got the message!

He then proceeds to tell me that our joke was an “epic failure”. Instinctively, I hit him with my magazine. Right across his umbrella-holding arm, as I called him an ass! WHACK! Seriously! Epic failure!? What the hell asshole?! I know that he thoroughly enjoyed our little game today, but good grief. It was really fun to smack him. A lot of anger that had to be released, I don’t know if one smack was sufficient. It definitely made me feel better though!

I told him that he has to be nice to me tomorrow, because I might be in a really bad mood (something I’m dreading/nervously excited for is happening). He said that he isn’t nice any other day, so why should he be nice tomorrow. I told him that he has to be nice! I might need him to be nice tomorrow, but he says that he is never nice so it wouldn’t make a difference.

Why is he so difficult? Seriously, all mind games. Maybe I’ll get to smack him tomorrow too!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

I don't want to talk about the Joker

I don’t really feel like talking today. Weird, I know. If I start rambling, it will be about the Joker and I am so sick and tired of talking about him. I have so many other things I could blog about!

The church service reminded me of him. Honest to goodness! It was a message that he and I have argued about many, many times, and I took a full page of notes. I even thought about texting him last night to see if he would be interested in going with me this morning (it’s an MB church with a Saturday night service and two on Sunday morning. I’m a rebel: church on Saturday night baby!!). I don’t know if it was God who put this thought in my brain, but I didn’t text him. Strange feeling to have, but I just am unsure if our relationship is at that level. Can I just text him and ask if he wants to go to church with me the next day? I just don’t think he’s ready for that, especially after our trust convo. See? Look at me! I said I was going to ramble about the joker, and I am.

Okay, new topic. Last Saturday, VWBug and I had semi-plans for a coffee date. I, unfortunately, had to bail and we re-scheduled for this Saturday night. Now she hates me, because I bailed again. Why this time? Family night. *Sigh* Please don’t lose your lunch, but it’s the only time the four of us can sit around at home and visit. Sorry VWBug, you don’t understand how important these nights are for us. They are a rarity, and hate me if you want. I didn’t know when we planned the night that it fell on a family night! Honestly, I have apologized five times, and she keeps replying via text “Okay...” Oh no you don’t! Don’t you dare use ellipsis with me honey! I can read that tone in your voice clear as daylight!!

The truth is, we hide so we can be found, we walk away to see who will follow, we cry to see who will wipe away our tears, and we let our hearts get broken to see who will come and fix them.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Chocolate Answers

I just couldn’t let it be. I wanted answers. I wanted the truth: Why would you throw out a chocolate bar? I asked the Joker at the end of the day if he had eaten his. No, he threw it out. I couldn’t tell him I already knew, but I had to start somewhere.

Upon further examination, he posed the question to me: Would you eat something that came anonymously in the inter-office mail? I said that if it was a sealed chocolate bar, probably! He said that he didn’t know where it came from, but I asked who would purposely poison a chocolate bar and send it to him? Really now? He said that the list of people who disliked him and would do that was quite long. How was he to be sure it was sealed? I asked if he wanted me to include a receipt next time, but he said that just proved the transaction and nothing more. He told me to think about it. Think about it, I did.

7:57 Grasshopper – Alright, so I thought about it and here’s the deal: I totally would’ve eaten the chocolate!! Don’t care where it came from and esp some times of the month, all women want is chocolate!! I don’t think, or at least I hope, anyone hates me enough to buy a candy bar, tamper it, and send it to me interoffice. Really. Chocolate is always, always good :) you think too much :p
7:59 Joker – I don’t trust people that much
8:01 Grasshopper – Obviously. But srsly, it’s a chocolate bar! Do you think someone hates you that much? That much time on their hands to torture you?
8:02 Joker – Yes I do think people hate me that much
8:04 Grasshopper – Well that`s ridiculous. You need to stop thinking that everyone is out to get you. It’s not true
8:10 Grasshopper – There are a lot of good people out there you know...
8:19 Joker – Maybe so but I’m still not gonna trust anonymous packages
8:27 Grasshopper – That’s fair enough. I’m sorry if it offended you, was just meant as a joke.

I’m not sure how a joke regarding moody men needing Midol has turned into an issue about trust, but such is life. This man has some deep issues. I wonder if he even trusts me. I would never hurt him, but how can I prove that if he won’t give me a chance? I just want him to know I’d never let him down. I’m the one who gets let down, always. Somehow, you just get back up and keep fighting. Perhaps he’s been knocked around one too many times. Does he trust me?

No, actually I don't know. That's why I asked.

By five o’clock on Thursday, I was more than ready to go home. The Joker and I work on the sixth floor, and we had to stop on the fifth and fourth floors before our elevator car was full. We even stopped on the third, but were out of space.

As we’re leaving the building, Athena and her friends are walking one direction, and I’m following (not really following, but by habit we’re walking in the same direction) the Joker towards our trucks. He then proceeds to say “You know, you can walk with Athena if you want.” REALLY!???!! Wow, I am so surprised! Are you giving me permission to walk with one of my best friends?! That is so kind of you! I am eternally grateful! How do I ever make this grand gesture up to you? Okay, so you caught all that sarcasm? Good. I told him that I tend to get quiet and awkward when I’m walking with them, which is very true. I don’t do well when meeting new people and I’m not very successful at joining in conversations, so I wouldn’t have said a word. Once I know someone, I don’t shut up and I tell them everything but until then, it’s not so enjoyable. I told him that my car was in the opposite direction they were walking and it didn’t really make sense to me. This must have satisfied him because he did stop talking then.

When he stops talking, I tend to believe something is wrong and to avoid this I ask him about his job. Works like a charm, I swear. He goes on and on about this, that, and the colour of the sky. He said that when employees call asking how to run the computer programs installed on their computers, he is expected to know. “It’s like just because you have a key to your truck, you know how to fix it.” Ah yes, always get back to the fact that I don’t have a clue how to do anything with Jack. Thanks for the reminder. I said that he was right and he said that he is always right. I called him “Mr. Cocky” and we said our goodnights. (This story does have a point, I promise!!)

Last night I was doing homework on my bed (in the exact same spot I am now, actually!) and my phone beeped. This, alone, is slightly unusual. I thought it might be a text message from Facebook or possibly my sister, but when I checked, well, it was the Joker. He and I haven’t text messaged in about eight months, maybe longer. Okay, so I admit that I did text him last Tuesday just to see if we were allowed to talk outside of work or if that was considered harassment. I thought it was funny!! He replies Wednesday night, while I’m at the Keith Urban concert he knew about and while he was working at his second (or possibly third?) job. “I think we can still talk”. Yeah, I know. Lamesauce. So last night, this was our conversation:

6:53 Joker - So am I too cocky for my own good :)
6:57 Grasshopper - What do you mean?
6:58 Joker - Lol you know :)
7:07 Grasshopper - I guess it depends on the situation. Didn't we discuss confident vs. cocky?
7:20 Grasshopper - Wait: the confidential mail? Lol
7:50 Joker - You mean the confidential male?

7:51 Grasshopper - Is that what its called now? Lol
9:04 Grasshopper - And no, you're not too cocky. :) There are days. And moments but overall... :p

The Joker does not use emoticons or “lol” in use text messages. If I knew what he had meant in the first place, I wouldn’t have asked! What was he talking about? Did he know I was involved on the Midol Joke? Is that what he meant? Can he see on my face what I don’t want to admit? Is that what he’s talking about? “Lol you know :)” What the heck? I know a lot of things, but I don’t know what you know so what is this about? I tried to not throw my phone across the room, with success actually! And then, for him to reply right away to not at all... Like what’s up with that?! Clearly, I need help. Blogging is just so much cheaper than therapy.

Well-Behaved Women Rarely Make History

Thursday morning I e-mailed Athena to vent. Stupid, petty things the Joker had done had really pissed me off. Dude. We park in the same spot every morning, but now you want to park closer to the building. WTF? Okay, I know. It’s a small thing. He didn’t come over to talk at all on Wednesday and it seemed like he was ignoring me. Something about his attitude on Wednesday just really seemed to strike a nerve with me. I started to think about the way he had been talking to me and I realized that I didn’t enjoy being talked at like I was five. It’s slightly disrespectful. Athena did have a plan, as she always seems to! The ultimate practical joke was about to go down.

Athena - I have always wanted to send the Zero some Midol
Grasshopper - DO ITTTTT!!!!!!! That would be hilarious Athena!
Athena - Well if I do, I’m not going in alone!
Grasshopper - Just tell me what you want me to do! They [the Joker and Zero] deserve this!
Athena - Alright, well we’ll need two chocolate bars, two bottles of Midol, and two brand new inter-office envelopes so it can’t be traced (We were planning on sending our surprises through the inter-department mail, and I work on the same floor as the Joker and Zero, but Athena doesn’t.)
Grasshopper - And a magazine, Cosmo or something. Do you want me to go to Shopper’s on my break?
Athena - Sure!
Grasshopper - Okay, I’ll call you when I get back.
And that was it. Plan SPM was in motion.

I asked the lady at Shopper’s to double-bag by supplies. We loaded it into the envelopes, and Athena carefully wrote their names on the outside. We even stamped “Confidential” just to be on the safe side. You never know with IT people. They’re weird and snoopy.

One thing you have to know about me is that I am incapable of lying. If Zero or the Joker had come up to me, (which thank goodness they didn’t! I would’ve died!) and asked me who the packages were from, they would know it was me and Athena. Guilt is painted all over my face, and then I start to laugh and no matter how many times I try, oh so hard, to remain stoic, I fail.

Mr. W picked up the packages (one of the IT managers) and I hid. Seriously! I had 483 invoices to file, so I managed to hide within the comfort of my file cabinets and I didn’t see either one of them until the end of the day. It was humorous when the only girl in IT, Ms IT, came over and asked me who dropped off the packages. Like I said, I couldn’t lie and she thought it was very funny. She said that the first person they guessed was Athena, but she swore herself to secrecy.

As the Joker and I were walking out, he didn’t mention a thing about the Midol Joke. Athena even joined us in the elevator, but nobody said anything. It was great!

Today I had to go into the dreaded IT room. It smells like man sweat in there, very disgusting. Anyways, I saw that Zero was proudly displaying his “medication” on the top of his desk. I couldn’t help myself and I asked if he had eaten his chocolate bar. He asked which chocolate bar, and I said “the one that came with the Midol.” Their manager, Hottie #3, and another co-worker, The A, were there too, and Hottie #3 says, “It was you?!!” I said that I may have had something to do with it (enter wink here!). Zero says, “Well tell Athena that I didn’t eat it.” I asked why not and he proceeds to tell me that they thought it may have been poisoned. I said that it was sealed!! What did we do? Poison it with ex-lax and then reseal it?? I promised that next time we’ll make some brownies and put a little surprise in there. The A and Hottie #3 found that very entertaining. I asked Zero if he had taken any me
dication and that he should. “You seem a bit off”; once again, they laughed.

Hottie #3 asked me after I left the stinky room who my “accomplices” were. I told him that I had to keep some secrets, but their initial guesses were on track. I admitted it was Athena and I and he was very impressed in our joking abilities. He said we had definitely stumped them and I was happy to take some of the credit!

Ms IT walked by later in the day and said that Athena and I had been found out. I said that I couldn’t take it any longer: we deserve the credit for the awesomeness!! When I told her that Zero hadn’t even eaten his chocolate bar, she said that the Joker threw his out. I couldn’t believe he would do that to a perfectly good chocolate bar! It was Mars! Caramel + chocolate = love!! She said that they thought it might have been poisoned and didn’t want to take any chances. CHOCOLATE. Need I say more?

I am very, very proud of Athena and I! Our joke had completely stumped the boys, and they got exactly what they deserve: a little taste of their own medicine!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Joe Cool?

I don’t get bored very easily, but sometimes my mind just needs a little break. My muscles don’t want to move so what do I do for excitement? Refresh the intranet page. Oh yeah, I’m cool like that. They used to have a “Quote of the Day” but replaced it with some health tip thing. As if I care about going “green”; I want the quote of the day back!

We even have this cool “Buy and Sell” feature and periodically (alright, once an hour!) I check on there to see if there are any cool concert tickets or whatnot. Well this afternoon, I checked and saw that the Joker was selling his rice rocket, noisemaker, motorbike thing. I immediately e-mailed Athena: was he going to sell his motorbike and follow KH around the world? No, she disagreed. The $4,000 he was asking for would never be enough to keep her happy. Ouch. She added that it was too bad he was selling his bike because “it was the only cool thing about him”. Double ouch.

As the Joker and I were walking out, I asked why he had decided to sell it. He said that he only put 1500 km on it this year because he’s too busy with housework and his driveway and the like. It had become a $4,000 paperweight and upon selling it, he can help pay off his dad’s car. He said that his dad bought a new car, but it’s in the Joker’s name and always will be or something like that. It’s his dad’s toy. Intrigued, I asked what kind of car it was. “A ’64 Chevelle Supersport”, he replies. I gasp. Instinctively and completely, I inhaled sharply and then I giggled. I thought he was joking! That is a sexy car; there is no way it is owned by the Joker! I told him that I would never picture him in a car like that, and he asked if I thought he was gay or something. I said “No! No! I don’t know; I just would never think...” I asked what colour it was because that is the only thing I would be able to understand anyways. The rest is gibberish. It is currently a burgundy colour (I was thinking red or black) but it is originally blue. He said that he and his dad have to install the motor (well yes, it is necessary there buddy) and it was going to be the wintertime job. I told him to bring it to work so I could see, but looking back I should have just demanded a ride in it (once the motor is in, of course).

I’m sorry Athena, but a Chevelle is way cooler than a motorbike can ever dream of being!! The Joker has taken me completely by surprise this time. Who would’ve thought he would be cool?

Don't Let Him Go

I e-mailed Athena this morning to catch her up on some of the latest happenings with the Joker and I. I hadn’t talked to her in a while and desperately needed her to knock some sense into me! With all of his niceness lately, I wasn’t sure what was going on and she put me right back in my place. No more daydreaming around here!

She called a few minutes later with some KH news. Through the grapevine, she told me that KH has quit her job at the City and will be living it up with her sugar daddy.
Athena told me KH had a profile on and she had been talking with a married fellow who has swept her off of her feet. He’s going to build her a house and take care of her every need (and something about Mexico?) So she quit her job. This is all gossip, I’m sure. Really now, doesn’t that sound too good to be true! Take me with you KH!! I don’t know if she has actually quit her job or not yet, but this is too good to be made up. Athena said she found out on Thursday and thought that might be why the Joker had been so upset. When I told her that he had been really happy, well, that just makes no sense then!

Perhaps I should join KH and find me a sugar daddy! I could use a new house and some champagne! I diamond wouldn’t hurt either...

Seriously though, if this is true, she is going to be his mistress? I’ve never met the girl and shouldn’t judger her without knowing her, but it’s a trait I’m not proud of and have inherited from my dad. I have heard she’s “free” but how would you sleep at night knowing what you’re doing is so wrong? I guess one might sleep quite well. Four post bed. Jacuzzi tub. Satin sheets. Candlelight. It just might be the perfect lifestyle: a man who is not happy at home or has extra money to spend, meet woman in need of attention. Yes, I guess that might work out just fine.

I wonder if the rumour is true! Good for you KH! I just have a little advice for you, in the form of a song of course!

So you figure that you’ve got him all figured out,
He’s a sweet talkin stud
Who can melt a girl’s heart with his pout
He’s the kind of lover that the ladies dream about

He’s got plenty of cash
He’s got plenty of friends
He drives women wild
Then he drives off in a Mercedes-benz
He’s got a long wick with a flame at both ends
He’s hot

Bud don’t let him go
Just give him a chance to grow
Take it easy, take it slow
And don’t let him go

Don't let him go

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Too Much To Do

Do you know what I would really like? One day where I am not stressed out about anything. Today it’s Jack. I have so many things to do to my new truck and although I want help on some things, others I know that I can do own my own.

Take my front license plate, for example. I have a plate and a plate holder but I have to drill holes in the bumper an
d install it. Well, I don’t know how to use a drill, first of all. I was lying under the truck the other day, trying to see where I could put the holes (which I’ll also need those anchor bolt things – note to self) but I couldn’t see anything because the truck is lowered down. So here I am, feeling around the bumper trying to see, but I can’t because I’m not all the way under the truck which wouldn’t help anyways. My mom comes home and asks me “what the hell are you doing down there?” I told her that I didn’t have a clue. My, oh my, this is frustrating!

Another thing. I need to buy winter wheels for Jack. Well, it’s a 2WD pick-up (which apparently means something relating to the wheels that I just don’t understand, but whatever) and the Joker has told me that wheels will be hard to find. He said he’s been looking for the past year and half but can’t find anything because of the offset or something. He has a similar pick-up, but his wheels are five stud whereas mine are six. I’ve tried talking to my dad about it, but I kind of want to do it on my own. Still, when I do talk to him about it, somehow we end up talking about one of our four other vehicles instead. Excuse me? Were we not just talking about my vehicle? How exactly does the Kia relate to previously-loved wheels for Jack which we cannot find? I don’t want to talk about the Kia! I want advice for my search! My dad told me today that he never gets to see me. True, I spend about five minutes with you in the mornings and on your days off we try to have family dinners. The Joker told me to ask my dad about the wheels and when I told him I hadn’t told my dad about it, he said I was “lying by omission”. You see, I’m not purposely lying to my dad. I’m not lying to my dad. I never get to see him, so we don’t talk about this. It doesn’t count as lying if there is no communication!

Apparently, new winter tires for my truck are going to cost around seven hundred dollars. Wait just a minute: aha!!! Okay, so mini-freak out over and now I have to call around to these sketch auto-wreckers and ask if they have the wheels I’m looking for. I don’t know what I’m looking for!! The Joker has told me more than once what I need, but I feel so stupid having to ask repeatedly. He has given me so much advice already on the new truck, including how to go over speed bumps. In my defence, the truck is lowered down and rides about 2 ½ inches off of the ground which I’m not used to. How am I supposed to know about shocks? Stop on the top of the speed bump? I don’t know! He did, however, nicely bring up that he taught me how to do that in front of my manager and a co-worker the other day. I’m pretty sure I turned bright red. Thanks for that.

My air-conditioner, which I’m still not used to having, works really well! It’s great to have to turn the fan to the fourth level to feel any air circulating. Not. I told my dad and h
e suggested I call the dealer and get them to take a look at it. Alright, so I called and made an appointment but when I talked to the Joker about it, he had other ideas. Unbeknownst to me, it was “common sense” to check underneath the dash if it was a problem with the switch. “Just pull the dash off” was his suggestion. Pull the dash off?!!! How the hell do I do that? Why would I do that? My truck-driving father has told me to take it the dealer and the Joker’s telling me to pull the dash off. What the hell?! Then he said it would be easier to see if there was, in fact, a problem with the switch so I’d just have to go down to the dealer and get a new switch. Although, it might be a malfunction in the wiring, I won’t know that until I’ve installed a new switch. Suuurrrreeeeee. I’ll get right on that one.

I don’t know any of the lingo he uses and it all sounds like gibberish. The one thing I do hate is when he uses the “you’re a girl” argument with me. “Typical girl” he says to me. What is that supposed to mean? I don’t know how to do this because I have boobs? Well excuse me, mister asshole! Let me show you that I will learn how to do this and I will do it on my own. I bought the truck because a) I’ve always wanted a truck and never liked my car (except in the summer) b) I wanted to learn how to take care of it, and c) I was bored with life and needed a change. One thing I didn’t account for was the amount of stress and money that was going to come with it! I want to, no, I have to prove the Joker wrong. I’m not a typical girl and I know that I can figure this out.

I think I’ve lived in a mechanics bubble all my life. Dad has always had the theory that there are people who are paid to do this and since we don’t know how and have money, they can do it properly for us. The Joker suggested I take a Mechanics 101 course at the university. He was serious.

Ich Liebe Dich, meine Schwester

My younger sister and I are nothing alike and I mean that sincerely. We are complete opposites, and although people used to think we were twins when we were younger we’re two years apart. We look nothing alike now and act completely different. She loves R&B and has a subwoofer in the trunk of her bright red Honda Civic with 22” rims. I drive a pick-up named Jack and would much prefer to blare George Jones than T-Pain.

Bestie and I are the best of friends. She has always been there for me and when she cries, I cry. I cannot see her upset and it kills me inside when she is. I would do anything for her and I know that she will never leave me. I could not imagine my life without her. We grew up like typical girls, playing Barbies and house. We didn’t have many friends growing up but it never mattered because I got to spend every day with my favourite person in the world. Inseparable? Yes, you could say that! She knows me better than I know myself and although that is slightly scary, a love like ours cannot be defined.

I went on a mini road trip with VWBug a couple of weeks ago and it was
not nearly as much fun as it would have been if Bestie was with me instead. Her and I get along so well, I feel incomplete without her. I cannot imagine my life without her.

I love you. Please don’t cry. Let me hold you until your heart heals. The pain will go away, I promise. We’ll lay here and cry together. I wish I could make it better but all I can give you is my love. You’re my everything Bree.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It's Too Late To Worry

My relationship with the Joker is a little “odd” to say the least. Lately, we’ve been talking a lot more and he’s been really nice, and dare I say it, sweet.

Every night, or almost every night, in case he’s working late (gotta love overtime!) or one of us has to leave early (which is rare) we walk out together. Those four minutes are really the best part of my day. It doesn’t matter what we’re talking about (we’ve had conversations about where government money should be spend: curing cancer or NASA. I was adamant about the cancer research and he was pro-space discovery. I do think I won that argument though!), we have good chemistry and although we don’t agree on everything, we get along really well.

Yesterday he had to attend the “Respectful Behaviour in the Workplace” seminar, and he asked what I thought about it. I had kind of brushed off the seminar and I didn’t really know what to think about it. I don’t think that I learned anything and most of it was fairly common sense. Hey, it was a waste of time and money, but no one cares I guess! Of course, the Joker had an opinion on it! (Enter shocked face here.) He mentioned how it didn’t seem right that our supervisor’s could get involved in employees personal lives, especially after the work day. The seminar leader told us that if Employee A sends an inappropriate e-mail from his/her personal e-mail account to Employee B’s personal e-mail accounts, it is considered harassment. This is, of course, if he/she doesn’t stop sending them after you ask him/her to. I’m not 100% sure why exactly he would bring this up, but I’m assuming he felt slightly guilty after some of conversations he’s had with fellow employees. I’m not sure. I do know that he had a thing for KH, one of the girls that works at our other office. In fact, I’ve heard he bought her roses for Valentine’s Day and I’ve also heard she is, well, a little “free”. I don’t know; I’ve never met the girl so I cannot say for certain. I’ve also been told he was crazy about another girl, but she told him repeatedly she had a boyfriend. Perhaps he realized some of this could have been considered harassment, but I don’t know why he would tell me.

When I pulled into the parking lot today, the Joker was there. Before me.
He is never (with a few exceptions, I must admit) there before me. Hardly ever. When he is, he listens to the radio before going in and usually won’t walk in with me. The chances of him and I walking in together in the morning are slim to none. So when I got there today and saw him sitting in his truck, I didn’t think much of it. I had my Reba blaring and parked beside him, but as I was getting out I heard his door slam. Something is just odd. I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but these events are just very rare and uncharacteristic of him. I’m not complaining though!

As we walked in, I told him that I was going to the Keith Urban concert tonight (I know and it’s okay to be jealous!) and he said he might call. I couldn’t quite get what he was saying. Was he going to call me while I was at the concert? That would be really weird! He clarified and said that he might call his boss and check if they were “doing the show” (they do the sound for big concerts) but he couldn’t go anyways because he will be working at another job tonight. I swear, this guy works way too much! He said that he had done the Johnny Reid concert a couple of times, and I asked if he had met Johnny. “Of course!” I think I melted! He asked if I was “gogo” over Johnny Reid, although I think he meant “gaga” and I said that I was. Duh! As if I didn’t know, the Joker mentioned that Keith Urban is married as well. “Oh I know. But I can look, can’t I?” See! I am getting better at these comebacks! By this time, our walk/elevator ride was over and we had to start work.

Every day gets a little more interesting and I sure hope this keeps up! Now if only he would reply to my text messages and decide about Alpha, we’d be set!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Back In Black. Or Blue.

YAY! The Joker is back! In full force with the stupid grins, ridiculous comments, all-knowing eyes, and great advice. How I’ve missed it!

Isn’t it odd, to me anyways, how one person can change the outlook on your entire day? One of my friends has been off work for a week and today was his first day back. I had a work seminar this morning (don’t be too jealous. “Respectful Behaviour in the Workplace”, I kid you not. This stuff honestly just happens to me. I can’t even make it up!) and the first thing he says to me? "Why aren’t you returning my phone calls?" Oh my, I’ve missed him! I know that he was joking and when I told him where I had been, he asked if I was going to finally stop harassing him. “I haven’t even started” was my brilliant response. I really need to work on my comebacks. It’s so nice to be able to joke around with him. I only returned from the seminar at noon, so I didn’t even know I had a message from him when he said that! Still, sometimes it is in the little comments and smiles you get from people that can really determine how your day is going to go.

As we were leaving today, I asked him if he had made a decision about coming to Alpha with me. He said that he hadn’t even thought about it (although when I first brought it up he said he would, but I know that he’s been super busy). I couldn’t resist and asked if he was going to think about it (or not... like make a decision here buddy... I know that this sort of thing should not be decided on whim. If he wants to commit and take the course, it will be a big step for him.) and he said “yeah, I will think about it for you”. I think that’s positive! (Note that he said “think about it for you”. I’m not going to take too much time on that, but I’m hoping that means more than what it seems to mean. Really though, what does it even mean? Because I’m asking him, he’ll think about it? He knows that I want him to go, so he’s going to consider it? Will he consider it seriously?) I really think that this course would be really good for him and it would solidify our relationship too. Fingers crossed my friends! Fingers crossed!

I am so glad I have a friend like the Joker in my life. Some people don’t understand or “get” our relationship. Screw them! It’s none of their business and as long as he and I know what’s going on, that’s all that matters.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Change Happens

My dad said the funniest thing today. He said “Life is all about change”. No shit! Really Dad? When did that happen? I thought life stayed the same the entire time!

Okay, so perhaps I shouldn’t be that mean about it. I just thought it was particularly humorous how the one person who refuses to accept that his two daughters have entered adulthood and no longer need his help at all times is the one preaching to me about change. Times change and people grow up, this I know. How ironic that my dad is telling me about accepting change? He’s the one who won’t!

My sister and I have had many cry-fests over this and the only thing we can do is pray that Dad will accept the fact that we’re growing up. There is not much else we can do, and we can’t talk to him about it. He would get all defensive and think we’re trying to pick on him. In fact, he might even start to cry. It has been known to happen.

I love my dad more than anything, but sometimes he just annoys the living daylights out of me! I know that he has my best interest at heart and that he is doing everything out of love. I am so lucky to have a dad who does love and care about me that much; it’s not all that common these days.

Ironic moments seem to fill our time together.

A Blackberry Changes Everything

Technology. Can’t live with it, but we can’t live without it. Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, MSN, Blackberry Messenger, and Hotmail. Everyone has everything these days, and it is very hard to keep track of what is going on people’s lives! I admit I do have a very active Facebook account. Seriously though, who doesn’t? My mom does for heaven’s sake! I did have a Myspace, but no one was on that, so I deleted it. I have two Twitter accounts (one with each of my Hotmail accounts to maintain anonymity) and one active MSN account.

I wanted to wish T-Rex a happy birthday, but I didn’t know how to. Did I write on his Facebook wall? Text message him? MSN? Facebook message? When did it become so complicated to wish your friend a happy birthday? My Blackberry is connected with Facebook so I know as soon as someone messages me on there or comments on my status. I do, however, refuse to have it hooked up with my e-mail accounts. When I get a text, I want it to be a personal one, and not one of those stupid promotional ones. I love my Blackberry though, mainly because it will keep all of my text messages and not tell me “your inbox is at full capacity” when there are sixty messages in it. Nope, I have hundreds of messages in there, received and sent. A Blackberry changes everything. I have all of the proof and evidence from relationships of what actually was said. True, I wouldn’t want to have it used against me in a court of law, but there is no denying what was promised darling! I’ve got the proof in my hands!

Twitter tends to annoy me more than anything. I can send a text message to update my tweets, but it won’t allow me to log in from my laptop. How pointless is that? I do love the anonymity it provides though
. I can say whatever I want, and no one will find me on it! Facebook on the other hand, requires some careful editing. It’s sucky when your mom, aunts, cousins, and co-workers (the ones who aren’t your friends) are all your friend list. The only thing I don’t like is the status updates by people you’ve never talked to but only know because you went to school with them. Sheesh! Go away Zyra! I’ve never liked half of the people that are on there and I really could care less about their relationship status! True, I could stop complaining and only have people on there that I know and would consider my friends, but then there wouldn’t be many people on there. I’ve edited my friend list a couple of times (had to get rid of some “dead weight”) but I don’t like deleting people. It seems so mean.

It’s true that I have been completely consumed with new technology. Each new program has targeted me! Damn me for being the targeted audience! I couldn’t live without my Blackberry though. Well maybe I could, but I never want to.

Jack Can Wait

I really hate arguing with people, especially when it comes to religion. It isn’t a subject I feel comfortable talking, even though I have been a Christian all my life. I often feel as though I can’t answer any of my friends’ questions and claims against Christianity, so I don’t discuss it with them. I know that isn’t what God wants from me, so I’ve been trying to talk about it more and more.

A few months ago, the Joker and I somehow began arguing religion. He had many questions that I couldn’t answer (as usual!) and as his friend, I wanted to help. Scratch that. I felt called by God to find answer to the Joker’s questions. I dove into His word and I attended an intro to Christianity course at our Church. The program is called Alpha, and it allows people to explore some of life’s biggest questions in a safe environment. In it, questions like “Is there a God?”, “Why am I here?”, and “Where am I going?” are all discussed. No question is too big or too hostile for this course!

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve really felt God telling me that the time is right to ask the Joker to come to Alpha with me. I know the Joker has always wanted answers to his questions (like any normal person!) but no one seems to be able to counteract his claims, (I’ve tried, oh so unsuccessfully.) so I knew that I had to ask him. It was do or die time!

We were walking out, and he was making fun of my new-to-me pick-up because I had named him Jack. The Joker is going on and on about how many different ways he can tease me about that. Jack Black. Blackjack. Jack and the Beanstalk. Jack and Jill. Jack Sparrow. (He must really think he is one funny guy. Someone should set him straight!!) I told him that I had to ask him something, and his reply? “But I’m not finished making fun of Jack.” I told him that he could continue after; this would only take a second. Nervous as anything, I did. I told him about the program and he said that he had been to church before. I said that didn’t mean he had answers to all of his questions and I even went to the course, though I grew up in the church. We discussed it for a few minutes and he said that he would think about it. I told him that I would go with him (he said that sounded like I was going to be his AA sponsor. Seriously, why does he think he’s so funny??) because I didn’t want him to feel pressured by going alone. He told me that he would let me know, which is good because I didn’t want an answer right aways.

I know that the program would be good for him, and good for our friendship. I really feel that the time is right and that the Joker and I are moving into a stronger relationship. I even told him, “I’m just trying to be a good friend.” That was the first time I’ve called him a friend to his face since we’ve known each other (almost fourteen months). I don’t think the Joker will turn down a challenge, but this is a Mount Everest sized one. He does love to argue, especially with me, so hopefully he will come with me and explore the meaning of life.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Go Team Go

What could be more fun than sitting in the cold, wet, and windy weather for three hours with no one to talk to while watching your visiting friend’s team lose at a sport you hardly follow? Just about anything, I think!!! I went, I froze, they lost, and I left.

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t that bad, but they did lose. I had no idea where I was going, and once I got there, I had to pay to get in. Since I don’t carry cash, I have to now go and find an ATM machine which decides it hates me and charges a $1.75 convenience charge and drive back to the stadium to buy a ticket. (So maybe it was that bad.) Luckily no one spilled pop on me, but it was freezing! I was trying to watch the game, but I don’t know what is going on. I’m a hockey fan, through and through, and football is just not my thing. I followed best I could and the people sitting around me (one of them was T-Rex’s coach’s wife) kept talking about what was going on so that did help. In the end, they lost but I thought he played pretty well. All he had to do was run up to some guy and scream in his face, so that looked like it could’ve been fun. Maybe I’ll try out for a women’s team. Or not.

After the game I wanted to see him and talk for a minute, because that was why I was there. He came off of the field and I saw him talking to an older man. He smiled and waved once he saw me and I waved back. He talked to the older man for a minute (who turned out to be his dad but T-Rex didn’t introduce me) and he talked about coming down again this weekend to pick-up The Firefighter, T-Rex’s best friend. It sounded as though the older guy knew exactly what T-Rex was talking about, but it was all news to me. I tried to soak up as much info as I could, but I’ll probably talk to him later and find out what’s going on. Once his dad left T-Rex and I talked for a minute or so. He asked if I was heading home, and I said “Well yeah, where else would I go?” He thought I might be going to his sister’s, but I said that she didn’t make it to the game. He asked why and I said because from what I had understood, he hadn’t been talking to her lately so she didn’t come. Confused (a common emotion from my young friend), he said that he didn’t talk to her when I was hanging out with him, but he had tried to call her twice and she was sleeping. I found it odd that he even remembered hanging out with me since it has been well over a month now since I was up there. He seemed to forget everything that happened between us prior to that, but not my actual visit. Interesting. He said that he would hug me but he was all wet. I told him that I didn’t care and I got my hug anyways.

All in all, it was not a bad day. Well, minus the part where I actually had to WATCH the game; that did kind of suck. I got to see and talk to T-Rex (and I got my hug!) so I am glad that I went. I don’t know why I was making such a big deal out of the whole thing. It was just a football game and he wanted me there. Why should I not go? Of course, I probably won’t see him for a while now again, but that is probably a good thing. It’s best if we text and chat on MSN. He needs to have his drunken fun with his buddies and learn some hard lessons from a few girls. Then, he’ll know what works with women and what doesn’t. In a couple of years, I think we might be really good together. I wish I could say he was my best friend right now, but I think I’m going to need to kick the texting up a notch. If not, at least some really long Facebook messages. That way, I won’t bother him while he’s at work or at school but we can still keep in contact. I think that is a much better plan! Oh, I’m excited now!

Sometimes, life throws you a curveball. If you’re lucky, you won’t fumble or go offside. Wait. What sport are we talking about again? Ah yes, the sport of life.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Two Weeks Notice

It has taken me almost two weeks to decide if I am going to go to T-Rex’s football game tomorrow. TWO WEEKS!! He text messaged me last Tuesday to say goodnight and I didn’t hear anything from him again for six days. I know that there is nothing going on (obviously, because he forgot about me for six days!) but that is the longest we have ever gone without speaking. No, I didn’t message him because it was a test. It had to be. I really liked him when it was all cute and shit but now everything has changed and since it’s not going anywhere right now, well, I guess I have to turn that switch off.

When he did message me, I knew it would be to find out if I was going to the game or not. I told him that I didn’t know yet, which was true. I wanted to wait and see if he was going to talk to me this week and since he did, I knew I had a decision to make. All week, I’ve been weighing my options; a pro/con list like Rory Gilmore would make. (Did you see that show is coming to CMT this fall???!?!? I am so excited! Jess was my favourite boy, and although he treated Rory like crap I still liked him better than Dean. Dean was too tall.) If I didn’t go, it would be under the “why waste your time when he clearly doesn’t like you because he hasn’t talked to you in six days” category. I’m sure I can find something better to do with my time, like that song by Terri Clark (I could wash my car in the rain, change my new guitar strings, mow the yard just the same as I did yesterday). I started to wonder what would happen if I didn’t go. Would he be hurt? Upset? Would he text me and wonder what was going on? How long was he down for? Could we hang out more than just the one day his game was on? Since his birthday is the following Monday, could we go out and do something then too? Once I found out he was only down for the one day with only enough time for a “hug and goodbye”, I started to get even more confused! How is that possible? I have no clue.

Right now at work, two women that I work very closely with both have close family in the hospital. One of the women, Mrs. R, has a son-in-law with terminal cancer. He’s recently been placed on full time oxygen and his feeding tube has come out. The other lady, Mrs. P, had to take her husband into emergency a week ago for what they thought was kidney stones. Now he has septic shock and was in ICU for almost a week, and the doctors are worried about neurological damage. This year, I think the biggest theme for me and the most prominent lesson has been to cherish the moments. Take the time you need to take and spend it with people who matter. Don’t waste your time with people who don’t care about you, but do things that make you happy. I can’t imagine myself in a position, knowing I am about to die. What would I regret? What would I change?

This has all made me think a lot about my relationship with men, and namely T-Rex. Since we are not going anywhere right now, I should be happy to have him in my life. I’m a strong, mature twenty year-old and I know who I am. Sure, I’m still learning, but I know myself well enough to know that I need to be at his football game. (It’s supposed to rain all day with a chance of thundershowers, by the way.) I need to be there to support him because I never want to look back on my life and regret not being there for him. What good of a friend am I if I don’t go? A sucky one, that’s for sure! I need to be there to know in my heart that I’m mature enough to handle it. As his friend, I need to be there.

Some of my friends think I’m crazy, including my sister, but I don’t care. I would appreciate their support, but I know that they all believe I’m still hung up on him. NOW IS NOT THE RIGHT TIME! If I know that, why can’t my friends listen to me? He’s too immature for me and maybe when we’ve grown up things will change. I know in my heart that I care for him and I wish I could call him my best friend, but right now I can’t. When you don’t talk to me for six days, someone is going to be pissed and it’s going to be me. I hope tomorrow goes well. I don’t really know what to expect and I don’t think his sister is even coming to watch the game. I know where I’ll be at two: underneath the grandstands, Starbucks in hand, lululemon hoodie on, cheering my heart out for my friend. It’s what I do.