Saturday, September 5, 2009

Two Weeks Notice

It has taken me almost two weeks to decide if I am going to go to T-Rex’s football game tomorrow. TWO WEEKS!! He text messaged me last Tuesday to say goodnight and I didn’t hear anything from him again for six days. I know that there is nothing going on (obviously, because he forgot about me for six days!) but that is the longest we have ever gone without speaking. No, I didn’t message him because it was a test. It had to be. I really liked him when it was all cute and shit but now everything has changed and since it’s not going anywhere right now, well, I guess I have to turn that switch off.

When he did message me, I knew it would be to find out if I was going to the game or not. I told him that I didn’t know yet, which was true. I wanted to wait and see if he was going to talk to me this week and since he did, I knew I had a decision to make. All week, I’ve been weighing my options; a pro/con list like Rory Gilmore would make. (Did you see that show is coming to CMT this fall???!?!? I am so excited! Jess was my favourite boy, and although he treated Rory like crap I still liked him better than Dean. Dean was too tall.) If I didn’t go, it would be under the “why waste your time when he clearly doesn’t like you because he hasn’t talked to you in six days” category. I’m sure I can find something better to do with my time, like that song by Terri Clark (I could wash my car in the rain, change my new guitar strings, mow the yard just the same as I did yesterday). I started to wonder what would happen if I didn’t go. Would he be hurt? Upset? Would he text me and wonder what was going on? How long was he down for? Could we hang out more than just the one day his game was on? Since his birthday is the following Monday, could we go out and do something then too? Once I found out he was only down for the one day with only enough time for a “hug and goodbye”, I started to get even more confused! How is that possible? I have no clue.

Right now at work, two women that I work very closely with both have close family in the hospital. One of the women, Mrs. R, has a son-in-law with terminal cancer. He’s recently been placed on full time oxygen and his feeding tube has come out. The other lady, Mrs. P, had to take her husband into emergency a week ago for what they thought was kidney stones. Now he has septic shock and was in ICU for almost a week, and the doctors are worried about neurological damage. This year, I think the biggest theme for me and the most prominent lesson has been to cherish the moments. Take the time you need to take and spend it with people who matter. Don’t waste your time with people who don’t care about you, but do things that make you happy. I can’t imagine myself in a position, knowing I am about to die. What would I regret? What would I change?

This has all made me think a lot about my relationship with men, and namely T-Rex. Since we are not going anywhere right now, I should be happy to have him in my life. I’m a strong, mature twenty year-old and I know who I am. Sure, I’m still learning, but I know myself well enough to know that I need to be at his football game. (It’s supposed to rain all day with a chance of thundershowers, by the way.) I need to be there to support him because I never want to look back on my life and regret not being there for him. What good of a friend am I if I don’t go? A sucky one, that’s for sure! I need to be there to know in my heart that I’m mature enough to handle it. As his friend, I need to be there.

Some of my friends think I’m crazy, including my sister, but I don’t care. I would appreciate their support, but I know that they all believe I’m still hung up on him. NOW IS NOT THE RIGHT TIME! If I know that, why can’t my friends listen to me? He’s too immature for me and maybe when we’ve grown up things will change. I know in my heart that I care for him and I wish I could call him my best friend, but right now I can’t. When you don’t talk to me for six days, someone is going to be pissed and it’s going to be me. I hope tomorrow goes well. I don’t really know what to expect and I don’t think his sister is even coming to watch the game. I know where I’ll be at two: underneath the grandstands, Starbucks in hand, lululemon hoodie on, cheering my heart out for my friend. It’s what I do.