Friday, August 14, 2009

Travel On

I guess you would be fair to say I haven’t had much luck with men. That would be completely justified, and I would not even bother arguing with you about that blatant truth. I’ve never been in a relationship, on a date, or felt wanted by a man. I know what I am looking for, and it’s not like my expectations are extremely high. I want an honest, sweet, caring, nice guy who would come over in the middle of the night and dry my tears. Someone to text me each morning, hold me during a movie, and send flowers to my work. It really does not take much to make me happy but it seems that this guy I am looking for does not exist.

My best friend, Athena, has decided to set me up with her younger brother. Oh goody. This ought to be fun! When I first heard about the plan, well, let’s just say I was less than thrilled. She had told me I was going to marry T-Rex, and have babies with him. What would you be thinking? “Oh shit. She thinks I’m so desperate I need her to set me up with her brother! This can’t be good.” Well, that’s what I was thinking! Although excited to meet this new boy, that was the problem. I had to meet this new boy, with an emphasis on meet! I do not do well with meeting new people. I am a very quiet person at first and I do not open up to my outlandish self until I feel very comfortable around them. Obviously, I thought she was crazy but I played along with her plan mindlessly because I knew it made her happy thinking she was this great matchmaker, although I had yet to speak to him!

One evening, June 19th in fact, I had a “friend suggestion” on Facebook. I stopped to look at who it was because it was very rare that I get friend request/suggestions! I was curious. Athena had suggested to T-Rex and I that we become Facebook friends. How cute! (Try to keep your lunch down; I know it’s tough.) Immediately, I sent her a message asking if she was feeling alright! I left my computer and went back to visiting with my family outside. I had my phone beside me so when she decided to reply I would get a text message from her. After an hour with no reply, I went back on Facebook and found a friend request! To my amazement, he too had heard the same fortune telling from Athena and we started talking immediately. Before long, we were text messaging and became electronically inseparable. (This is beginning to sound awfully familiar!)
Every little thing he did made me smile. We talked about all of our problems and he would always be there to listen, no matter how silly, stressful, or seemingly stupid my conversation topics seemed. He would text me first, usually by 11:00 a.m. when I went for my coffee break and as I was leaving work at 5:00, I would get another message asking how my day went. That is by far, the quickest way to my heart! We would talk for hours on end about anything and he was always so sweet and nice to me. He told me when he that when he came to visit (He is going to school three hours away, but his sister lives thirty minutes from my house and has an open door policy when it comes to him!), he was going to cook dinner for me. We were going to go out on an official date, and he was going to teach me how to shotgun a drink. Although the latter of these frightened me quite a bit, I began to conclude that he did, in fact, like me. This put me on cloud nine! A nice, sweet boy that likes me! Jackpot!

I started telling him about my passion for writing and he asked me to write something about him. This 18 year old boy, who I have never met but will one day date, would like me to write something about him. I was awestruck, first of all, that he wanted me to write something and also stumped because I had no idea what I wanted to tell him in my blog post. I was also unsure of where I stood with him, so I decided to play it safe; I went with the “best friend” card. I sent it to him let him read it. He told me that he didn’t know I felt that way about it and it gave him butterflies. T-Rex told me that he was going to read it whenever he was having a bad day to make him feel better. The next day he told me that he wished he could write something to make me smile like I had made him. I proceeded to tell him that “anything you write for me will make me smile”. Later that day, I got a Facebook message that put the biggest smile on my face! He called me his best friend and said he felt comfortable around me. “I know I feel that I can tell her anything and she won’t judge me. I think she feels the same way about me. But I have been there for her when she’s has been going through her problems and she has be there for me. I know every time I get a text message from her there is always a little grin or smile that goes on my face, no matter what mood I am in.” He proceeded to ask me if that made me smile, and I told him “It’s perfect!” So that’s where we stood: best friends. I knew that I had to go and visit him to see if we had as much chemistry as we seemed to and figure out if we were going anywhere.

A couple weeks later, I drove three hours by myself to meet him. When I was there, he acted as if I was his best friend. He treated me with the utmost respect and never crossed a line. We didn’t talk about it, but I kind of wanted that line to be crossed. I wanted him to tell me that he wanted to try to make this work, but knew it wasn’t the right time for us. Just for a mille-second, I wanted to cross the friend line and jump right back over again! I wanted him to hold my hand, cuddle with me, and maybe try to kiss me! I got three hugs, and a “Thanks for coming up” as I was leaving. Slightly disappointed, I bawled on my drive home. I was expecting this great realization or event when I was up there but instead I got three hugs. I guess my safe “best friends” card got in the way. Granted it was the first time we met, and I’m guessing he wanted to keep that card in play. I just wanted to feel wanted by him when I was there and I thought that was going to happen.

My trip didn’t go exactly how I had planned. For instance, when you call another girl to meet you and your friend-who-just-drove-three-hours-to-meet-you-for-the-first-time, somebody is going to be upset! It’s probably going to be the one who drove to meet you. I wanted to spend every waking minute with him, not him and some other chick. What does that make me? Chick 2? Chick 14? Chick 119,923? Where do I stand? Why do you have to call someone else to come and join us? Aren’t we having fun? Do you still want me to be here or would you rather I get in my car and leave you an hour from home? Luckily, I didn’t leave him. Instead, I text messaged his sister, who in turns begins text messaging T-Rex who found the entire scenario extremely funny. Really? He was getting great enjoyment of the insane amount of text messages he was happily ignoring. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there swearing like a sailor to his sister! Great fun it was not.

It is very difficult to have electronic relationships with people. Please, avoid it at all costs! I have had one too many, and that was part of the reason I felt I had to go and meet him. I want to be, at the very least his friend, and it is challenging to do that when you are three hours apart and both very busy people. We had a blast while I was there and wouldn’t change a thing about what happened, even though my great event didn’t take place.

When I got home, I asked him if we were going anywhere or were better as friends. He told me that a) he didn’t want me to be mad because I was “nice and everything”; b) the distance would be really challenging and he was going to be very busy in the fall; and c) he wanted to keep talking to me and hoped we could still be friends. He said that the trip didn’t change anything. Wow. That is a lot to take in all at once! Even from that, I still don’t know how he feels! Does that mean he wants to make it work but knows the distance is too much? Is that an “it’s not you, it’s me, but it’s really you”? Am I not what he expected to meet? I was myself the entire time. What did I do wrong? I know that we are too far apart to make this work right now, but I wanted him to tell me that! Still, after talking about this with the Wise One, I believe he does still like me. Do you think I’m crazy after all of this to believe that? His sister and I are going to give him the benefit of the doubt: he is only 18 and the friend thing probably got in the way. Wise One is still convinced we will be married. I guess we shall see!

Since coming home, things have seemed to change. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday I have text messaged T-Rex first and yesterday I did not text him at all, but I didn’t get a text from him either. I do know that he isn’t home now either; he is visiting his friends in his hometown. Once again, the benefit of the doubt! He will be stopping by to visit his sister tomorrow on his way home. I told him that since he will be going through my town, he could always stop by if he wanted. I’ll be home! He said he would see how it goes, so I will wait.

A sweet, nice, caring guy is at my fingertips. Now I just have to find a way to make him mine. This should be an interesting journey!