Monday, August 17, 2009

Different Day, Same Routine

I feel old today, which is odd because I’m not. Cooking, cleaning, and laundry have somehow all become a part of my daily routine. It’s not that I don’t like doing these things (Rachael Ray is my hero!) but sometimes it’s as though I am expected to do these things. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family more than anything and I would do anything for them, but lately I’ve felt old.

Recently, I’ve felt slightly stuck, in the sense of being so young and mature (according to my manager, fellow co-workers, and my parents) with so many responsibilities! I am busy working Monday through Friday, 9 to 5, and I am afraid that nothing in my life is ever going to change. I don’t want to be working in the same job I am in for the rest of my life. I love what I do, but sometimes I just feel so old and mature it is scary. I want to do things, change the world. I want to build wells in Africa, end world poverty, and cure cancer but I definitely can’t do these things at my current job. I know I can only ever dream of accomplishing these, although I wish I could help.

When I was getting ready to leave from my visit with T-Rex he asked if I was looking forward to going home. Well, obviously I did not want to leave, but I was also not in the least bit excited for work the next day! He had it so easy; he could get up when he wanted, spend the day doing whatever he wanted to do, and here I am, dreading work tomorrow because I am responsible. I guess maybe that was a part of the problem: I’ve been working since I was fifteen. From babysitting all summer long, to working every shift possible at a bakery, to my current job. I’ve never been anywhere and I don’t want to miss out on life. My friend asked me today how my weekend was and my reply? “I’m glad it’s over.” Puzzled, he inquired why I would say that. I told him how I didn’t have anything to look forward to and work simply passes the time. What a sad thing to say! Life has become so monotonous and such a routine. Honestly, every day is a carbon copy of the previous one and I don’t want to end up old and bitter like some of my co-workers.

It’s not like I’m seven anymore though either. Sometimes it just seems as though I need help with every day activities which I can do just fine on my own! I appreciate that my parents, mainly my dad, are trying to help out and that he has this feeling where he needs to be needed. That’s all fine and dandy; the problem arises when they do not understand that they have to let go! I do not need help doing my laundry. I can cook a damn fine meal. My car does not need to be washed every other week. If I want to stay up until 1:30 in the morning and get up at 6 the next day, I’m going to do just that! I am not seven anymore and I don’t know what it’s going to take for them to realize that.

Enough with the complaining; I should consider myself blessed that I have it so good! Perhaps it is time for that change; a break in the routine, even. Maybe I can venture outside of my comfort zone and think outside the box. Okay, maybe I’ll just think around the box for a while first.