Shopping With The Joker

I have officially discovered one of the best parts of moving out: IKEA!!!! Alright, so aside from the really cheap-do it yourself-hope it doesn’t break as you put it together-pray all of the little pieces are in the box aspect, it can be a lot of fun. Sure, there are a couple of downsides, but most of the time it is really good for ideas and starter furniture.

When I first told the Joker I was moving out (he needs a new nickname btw), I was really hyper and going on and on about what I had and what I was going to need. Bestie and I had already been to Ikea in the summer and I had bought a lot of kitchen wares then. At the time, I didn’t have a set date or time when I was going to move out; I just knew that it would probably be a good idea to buy it then rather than all at one time. Good thinking, Grasshopper. Anyways, I was telling the Joker that I had already been to Ikea and picked some stuff up. His reaction? “you went without me?!!” Now I don’t know about you, but a couple of thoughts ran through my mind at that moment.
A) Was I supposed to invite you?
B) Why would you want to come to Ikea with me?
C) Since when are we on the “you didn’t invite me?!!” level?

So I told him that I wanted to go again because I still needed a few things (ie. a couch!) and if he wanted to tag along, he was more than welcome. (I should probably add here that I was really excited when I heard he wanted to come. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, I promised “we’ll get two carts!” Oh my.)

Today, we went! And it was a lot of fun!! The closest Ikea to my house is about an hour drive so we took Jack in. I drove. I always thought it was a man thing, you know, having to drive everywhere. Something about feeling important or being in charge, but I guess not. He asked me if I was a good driver and I said that was “debatable”. He did have a good laugh over that one!!

We did go through the entire showroom and looked around. It was quite entertaining (not in a good way and not in a bad way. It was just odd watching him shop) to watch him go through each piece of furniture, inspecting it all. All of the drawers were pulled open to check the sturdiness and each couch was sat on.

After Ikea, we went to a whole lotta furniture stores a few blocks over. The Joker was looking for a very specific sectional and we found out after searching for it ALL day that they do not make what he wants. I tried telling him not to settle, (“you’ll find what you want!”) but by the end of the day the pleather smell was messing with my brain cells and I’m pretty sure the sleezy salespeople could’ve sold me a lawn chair.

He showed me his Blackberry with a reminder from his Calendar that he was going to Ikea with me. At one point, I realized he was focusing the camera on me and I tried to swat it away. It almost landed on the floor (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, the trouble I would’ve been in then!!) and he didn’t get a picture. He claimed that he needed to have a picture of all of his contacts so he knew who was calling him but I said that I don’t call him, so ha!

Over lunch, the Joker asked about the “boyfriend”. I knew he meant T-Rex (even though I never, ever called him that) and I tried to dodge the conversation the best I could. It didn’t work so I gave him the shortened version: I hadn’t seen him since his football game in September. I told the Joker that I had messaged T-Rex a while ago but he didn’t reply to which the Joker tried to defend T-Rex. I probably should have mentioned something about T-Rex’s Facebook status a while back where he claimed to be in love ("I just wish you knew how much I cared" or something like that) but I didn’t. It wasn’t important because it wasn’t about me. There are a lot of things the Joker doesn’t know about what happened (or didn’t) between T-Rex and I, but I don’t want to tell him! I tried to blame the distance (did I mention I’d only seen him twice?!!) and unfortunately he brought up phone sex. I quickly changed the topic.

Later on, he brought it up again! Honestly, the man just won’t quit! I said something about M&M which was quite funny because the Joker’s like “who’s that?” I changed the subject again, but I was a little surprised he didn’t dig further into that one (though relieved at the same time!)

I don’t think I’m asking for much, although I technically didn’t ask for this. I guess I did in a way, but when he said “you didn’t invite me?!!” what else was I gonna do? It was fun!! We got to hang out, talk, and just be normal without the work environment. No one is listening in on your conversation and you don’t feel guilty (not that we ever do...) because you’re on company time.

Now, I have so much more stuff to pack. Damn you Ikea!! Frick! More dishes to wash! More furniture to put together! So little time! So much fun!

Candy Coated Misery

“He looks like a cool drink of water but he’s candy coated misery.”

Ah, Carrie Underwood, how I love you!!!! Her latest song, Cowboy Casanova, is, by far, my favourite one of hers. This line speaks to me completely and the more I hear it, the more I know how true it is! How many times to we get pulled in by those beautiful eyes and that smile that can light up a room? Gosh, they show us a little bit of attention and before you know it, you become so attached to them that you cry when they don’t talk to you for a week. Oh, you don’t do that? That’s just me? Yeah, I know I have a problem!

So, Mr. Candy Coated Misery is really asking for a slap now. I decided it would be a “good” idea to message M&M. I had talked about it with Bestie and everything seemed to be piling up at once. I couldn't’t focus on my schoolwork and I was really quiet and kind of ignoring everyone; I was trying to figure out what to do on my own but I couldn't’t. She reasoned with me and I messaged him. Nothing crazy, just a simple message:

Hey,
How did the grand opening go? I came by on Saturday and there was wall-to-wall people! I guess that's a good sign, eh?
Sorry I didn't have time to talk the other night. 'Twas my best friends birthday party and I was running late.
Text me sometime, k? 555-555-9115
“Grasshopper”

Apparently, this was a bad idea. Either that or he is unconscious in a coma in the hospital. Ugh, I am so done. He’s been online to check, I know for a fact. I can’t text him (thank goodness!!) because I deleted loser boy out of my cell. I just don’t get it! Clearly, he was just using me all along and I was too blind to notice because I thought we were friends. Well, Mr. Candy Coated Misery, take your candy and go suck it!!

Sorting Out These Thoughts

So remember when I was telling ya’ll about my run-in with M&M the other night before VWBug’s birthday party? Well he stopped and talked to Bestie last night and she said he sounded disappointed that I didn’t stop and talk to him that night. Honestly, I can’t make this stuff up! If you don’t know by now, when I’m upset or have to sort something out, I make a list. Pro-Con lists take too much time, but numbering ones are just as effective. Sorry Rory Gilmore!!

#1 – He has no right to be mad at me for not wanting to talk to him. After all of the times I have tried and tried to get a hold of him via text, Facebook, and msn he didn’t have the decency to reply, and cannot be mad at me for not trying. I fucking tried. If he doesn’t want to reply, that’s his shit. I did what I had to do, so screw him.

#2 – What did he want me to say to him that night? He was there with two other girls and I was walking in with Giraffe. What was I supposed to do? Go up and give him a hug and pretend like nothing happened? I can’t sweep this under the rug. Somebody’s going to trip.

#3 – Of course I miss him. I’m crazy, but I have to admit that I want things to go back to how they were: when they were good, they were really good. He was there for me and he listened to me and supported me. He was my best friend; there’s no denying that and I miss how we were.

#4 – Do I need to apologize? Did he really do anything wrong? He told me those things, perhaps not to act like a parasite but maybe because he really trusted me. Maybe it was because he wanted me to know. Maybe it was his way of showing me he cared. Maybe he doesn’t know what happened or how it made me feel. Maybe he just doesn’t understand. Maybe I need to explain to him what happened.

#5 – So what happened, Grasshopper? He stopped replying to your messages so you abandoned your friendship with M&M? That’s not like you. Didn’t it hurt more once you cut him out of your life than when he was telling you every aspect of his life? Why did you abandon him, really? Kind of self-centered to think you were the only person he ever talked to, even if he did make it seem that way. Isn’t space and time good for a relationship? You didn’t give him much time either; only two weeks before deleting him out of your life. How is that fair? Look at how quickly time is passing now: maybe he was really busy and just so caught up with everything that he didn’t realize how long it had been. I’m not trying to make excuses for him, but it’s time to face all of the facts.

#6 – Why did it hurt? Honestly, you couldn’t even see his name without that pain. What was the pain from? He didn’t even try to get a hold of you. Yes, that’s painful but that’s no reason to cut him out of your life. People deserve second chances and God put him in your life for a reason: to grow, mature, and find out who the hell you are. When are you going to give it up?

I keep reading and re-reading this list, and I still have no clue what to do. I was hoping that at the end of this I’d have a clear vision of what I was supposed to do, but I still know nothing. Maybe I’ll message him. I don’t know what I’d even say...

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

After my meltdown on Friday, I picked Giraffe up and we were ready for a night out on the town!! It was time for my “Drinking Buddy” and I to let loose! Time to let our hair down and party until the sun comes up! Okay, so we were actually headed to VWBug’s cousin’s apartment in this sketch neighbourhood, but rum was going to be involved so I was excited! Especially considering the week of hell I had just had, it was long overdue for some harmless drinking with the girls.

One of my biggest pet peeves in life is people who are late. Honestly, if you can’t come on time, why bother coming?! I would much rather be half an hour early and sit around, read some horrible magazines (if you are, as clearly I am in this example, in an office of sorts), and make small talk with the people around than to show up even two minutes late. I despise being late and I think it is always nice if one knows they are going to be late, to call the destination to advise them of such inappropriate behaviour. Well, on Friday I was running late. I am hardly ever late, because as I said, I HATE IT! Crying will do that to you, I guess.

Well Bestie had been begging me to drop by her work at the mall to drop off one of our USB cables for her iPod. I think she should have been born a blonde, but since the mall’s food court was on our way, it wasn’t an inconvenience. Giraffe and I were already running late and I wanted to just pop in and out without too much of a hassle. You know how when you’re in a rush, you tend to bump into someone you know? M&M. Ah yes. (You can hear all about our history here.) The man finally got a job which just so happens to be right beside Bestie’s work and he just so happened to be standing in the middle of the entrance way. I knew that he had a job there and a couple of weeks ago I re-friend requested him on Facebook. He accepted and I messaged him. To my surprise, M&M even replied so I sent him another message to which he did not respond. A few days later, I messaged him again. You would really think that I would start to take the hint, but obviously not.

So here we are: Giraffe and I all dolled up, running into the mall, awkwardly greeting M&M, dropping off Bestie’s USB cable, and running out back to my car. Well yes, that was one way to start our evening. I never thought I’d see him again, so when I did I was a little shocked. I smiled at him and said “Hi” quietly from far away. He said “hey, how’s it going” (such an M& M thing to do). I think I replied but I am kind of hoping I just nodded and ran off in the opposite direction. I can’t remember.

With that awkward “I was hoping I’d never see you again and now that we’re here I don’t know what to say because I still dislike you” moment out of the way, it was time for a party! My best friend, VWBug had finally turned the big 2-0! It doesn’t seem like it, but exiting the teens and becoming a twenty-something is quite a stressful event! I guess the three of us deal with stress in the same way: rum.

We met some new people (VWBug’s cousin KM, best friend AK, and two guys that they work with DC and CW) and I think we played Circle of Death at one point. Of course, VWBug had just broken up with her boyfriend the day before, so he called and showed up during the night but KM went out to deal with him. All in all, it was a great night! We didn’t do anything crazy, but it was a lot of fun to have some fun with them.

So raise your coffee mug; I’d like to make a toast: To a better week this week with less drama, less stress, and more love.

Ich Liebe Dich, meine Schwester

My younger sister and I are nothing alike and I mean that sincerely. We are complete opposites, and although people used to think we were twins when we were younger we’re two years apart. We look nothing alike now and act completely different. She loves R&B and has a subwoofer in the trunk of her bright red Honda Civic with 22” rims. I drive a pick-up named Jack and would much prefer to blare George Jones than T-Pain.

Bestie and I are the best of friends. She has always been there for me and when she cries, I cry. I cannot see her upset and it kills me inside when she is. I would do anything for her and I know that she will never leave me. I could not imagine my life without her. We grew up like typical girls, playing Barbies and house. We didn’t have many friends growing up but it never mattered because I got to spend every day with my favourite person in the world. Inseparable? Yes, you could say that! She knows me better than I know myself and although that is slightly scary, a love like ours cannot be defined.

I went on a mini road trip with VWBug a couple of weeks ago and it was not nearly as much fun as it would have been if Bestie was with me instead. Her and I get along so well, I feel incomplete without her. I cannot imagine my life without her.

I love you. Please don’t cry. Let me hold you until your heart heals. The pain will go away, I promise. We’ll lay here and cry together. I wish I could make it better but all I can give you is my love. You’re my everything Bree.

Wasted Time

January. The month from hell. I don’t know if anything good can truly begin in January. Maybe it can, and I just don’t know it yet, other than births and weddings, of course. Those types of celebrations can happen any time of the year, and they are always pleasant. It was January when I first met M&M. I don’t remember it as vividly as I should, but I can still feel the dislike inside I had for him when we first met. Looking back, that should have been a clear sign; there is just something about that gut instinct that I don’t want to follow! My sister, Bestie, and I had decided to join a course through our church. It was one of those things you hear about and think “Pfft, I don’t need that! I’ve got it all under control” until, inevitably, your world is turned upside down and you’re left with no choice, but to follow that stupid gut instinct and join. So, that’s what we did. M&M had joined with his friend Jann and the four of us happened to be in the same group.

Over time, we slowly started talking to them more and more, and in February, (another fabulous month. Not!) our group went away for a weekend retreat. The four of us were inseparable! M&M had a very cool car, (but don’t tell him that I told you) and on Saturday we had some free time. Being the “rebels” we are, M&M took us into town for some ice cream and the bonding began. Who doesn’t love hot fudge sundaes? The way through a girl’s heart, is always full of chocolate goodness! And the ice cream is, well, heaven. We spent a half hour really starting to get to know one another, and there was something about him that made me feel really comfortable. When we left, hugs all around of course, and the one promise we all made was to add one another on Facebook. Don’t laugh too hard yet; this is the 21st century, and social networking is a way of life. It’s not an option of “Do you have Facebook or not?”; now the question is “How many friends do you have? Why do you NOT have Facebook?” (Or Twitter, MySpace, etc). That is exactly what we did when Bestie and I got home, and within a couple of hours, we were all friends. Yippeee!

Now, of course, Facebook has included this I-will-work-when-I-want-to-work chat application, that is very frustrating! One Sunday, in my complete boredom, I decided to go online, just for kicks, and my new buddy M&M was online. I instant messaged him, and much to my surprise, he replied! We talked for over two hours (well, twenty minutes before switching to the much more reliable MSN) about anything and everything. I even had to stop and make dinner, and came back and we talked for another three hours. Soon, cell phone numbers were exchanged and we became electronically inseparable. Over the next few weeks, we became best friends. Every day while I was working, he would be text messaging me during my breaks, and asking how my day was. We would log in to MSN and talk during the hockey games were on, and each night he was the last person I said goodnight to. We talked every night and I slowly began to trust him with a lot of personal information.

I remember the first night he called us best friends. We had become really close, and he called me his “best friend” one night on msn after a month or so. Talking to M&M made me feel on top of the world! He knew everything there was to know about me, and after being let down so many times by these alleged “best friends”, I was very hesitant to use that word with him. He told me he cared about me, and I knew that I cared about him. I felt as thought I had finally let my guard down, and I was free again to finally allow another person be called my best friend. That alone, was a very big step for me, but I knew that he and I could get through anything together.

He and I talked about everything together! The weather, favourite sports teams, family issues, money issues, relationship issues, past vacations, future plans, and even marriage. We even agreed that if both of us were still single in ten years we would marry one another. Save the date June 1, 2019, which happens to be a Saturday! He would text me about anything and was always there with a comforting word of advice.

Somewhere along the way, M&M stopped replying to my text messages. I would log into MSN, and send him a message with no response. I tried for a week to get something out of him, with no success. One afternoon, we talked on MSN for a short time, but he seemed different. Even when I asked him about it, he told me he was fine. I felt very odd leaving it like that, especially when my head was telling me he wasn’t alright or even close to it. The following week, I didn’t try to contact him. He didn’t contact me either. Tell me why, why, haven’t I, haven’t I, heard from you?! Why haven’t I heard from you?! Tell me why, why... (So, you get my drift or do I need to belt out the rest of Reba’s classic hit?) I think what hurt even more was when I found out that he wasn’t trying to get a hold of me. We had a few brief conversations after that. Please note the word “brief”. It is there for a reason. Our conversations were something like “hey” “hi” “How’s it going?” “Good. I got to run. Talk to you later” “K Bye”. See? BRIEF! After a couple of those half-hearted conversations with my heart the only one on the line, I gave up on talking to him. Hurt suddenly became anger, and hatred. I talked to my girlfriends about it and they helped me realized what was going on. I didn’t want to believe it, but there was no other way to move on. They showed me that he never felt the way about me he told me that he did. Maybe he did, truly care about me for a while, but then not. Is that possible? If you do care about me, prove it. If not, stop leading me on. I guess that’s exactly what M&M did. He began chasing his ex-girlfriend around again, and stopped thinking about me. I guess he forgot I existed. Now think about that for a minute. How can your best friend forget you exist? It’s like one day, he’s talking to me like normal, and the next minute, I’ve just fallen off of the face of the Earth? I’m glad to know I meant so much to him.

After M&M and I stopped talking, I broke down. I still do, in fact. I think somewhere along the way, I realized that I would’ve done anything for him. I don’t know how to explain it other than love. I think I loved him. It really shouldn’t be all that surprising to me, but it was, is, even. Once I admitted to myself that I loved him, I realized he didn’t even care about me. Oh, I know. He said that he did, so that means he must have, right? The boy won’t even reply to my text messages! Like I said, this is the 21st Century! You have to reply! Maybe he did care about me for a little while, but I guess he stopped?

Every day I still think about him. Why shouldn’t I? We’ve only been ex-best friends for a month now, so it is very fresh. The sad thing is that I took him off of my Facebook account, and removed him from my MSN and he hasn’t mentioned it. In fact, the only time he has talked to me is when I asked if we could go for coffee to talk. He said, and I quote because this is too good, “possibly, what’s up?” I’d like to relish in this for just a moment if I may. POSSIBLY! Wow M&M, I am so satisfied to know that you “possibly” have some spare time for me one day. Possibly is not an answer. It is more like “I don’t really want to, but if I have nothing better to fill my time with, I guess it wouldn’t be so bad. I’ll put you on my list of people to call, but you have to go at the very bottom.” I told him I wanted to “chit-chat” because I didn’t want to get into it through text messaging and he said maybe this week. I think that was code for “in your dreams!” but I guess we’ll see how much I mean to him besides nothing. If he wants to make this better, he will. Only time will tell and his actions will speak louder than anything he says.

FRIEND: A person who would never intentionally hurt you, lie to you, deceive you, manipulate you, abuse you and who takes great care to be kind to you, honest with you, dependable and loyal. Someone who you trust without question because they have never given you any reason not to trust them. Someone you enjoy being around and look forward to seeing. Someone who would sacrifice themself for you. This person is very hard to find. When you do, don't let them get away.

*Names have been changed to torture the guilty. You know who you are.