Shopping With The Joker

I have officially discovered one of the best parts of moving out: IKEA!!!! Alright, so aside from the really cheap-do it yourself-hope it doesn’t break as you put it together-pray all of the little pieces are in the box aspect, it can be a lot of fun. Sure, there are a couple of downsides, but most of the time it is really good for ideas and starter furniture.

When I first told the Joker I was moving out (he needs a new nickname btw), I was really hyper and going on and on about what I had and what I was going to need. Bestie and I had already been to Ikea in the summer and I had bought a lot of kitchen wares then. At the time, I didn’t have a set date or time when I was going to move out; I just knew that it would probably be a good idea to buy it then rather than all at one time. Good thinking, Grasshopper. Anyways, I was telling the Joker that I had already been to Ikea and picked some stuff up. His reaction? “you went without me?!!” Now I don’t know about you, but a couple of thoughts ran through my mind at that moment.
A) Was I supposed to invite you?
B) Why would you want to come to Ikea with me?
C) Since when are we on the “you didn’t invite me?!!” level?

So I told him that I wanted to go again because I still needed a few things (ie. a couch!) and if he wanted to tag along, he was more than welcome. (I should probably add here that I was really excited when I heard he wanted to come. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, I promised “we’ll get two carts!” Oh my.)

Today, we went! And it was a lot of fun!! The closest Ikea to my house is about an hour drive so we took Jack in. I drove. I always thought it was a man thing, you know, having to drive everywhere. Something about feeling important or being in charge, but I guess not. He asked me if I was a good driver and I said that was “debatable”. He did have a good laugh over that one!!

We did go through the entire showroom and looked around. It was quite entertaining (not in a good way and not in a bad way. It was just odd watching him shop) to watch him go through each piece of furniture, inspecting it all. All of the drawers were pulled open to check the sturdiness and each couch was sat on.

After Ikea, we went to a whole lotta furniture stores a few blocks over. The Joker was looking for a very specific sectional and we found out after searching for it ALL day that they do not make what he wants. I tried telling him not to settle, (“you’ll find what you want!”) but by the end of the day the pleather smell was messing with my brain cells and I’m pretty sure the sleezy salespeople could’ve sold me a lawn chair.

He showed me his Blackberry with a reminder from his Calendar that he was going to Ikea with me. At one point, I realized he was focusing the camera on me and I tried to swat it away. It almost landed on the floor (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, the trouble I would’ve been in then!!) and he didn’t get a picture. He claimed that he needed to have a picture of all of his contacts so he knew who was calling him but I said that I don’t call him, so ha!

Over lunch, the Joker asked about the “boyfriend”. I knew he meant T-Rex (even though I never, ever called him that) and I tried to dodge the conversation the best I could. It didn’t work so I gave him the shortened version: I hadn’t seen him since his football game in September. I told the Joker that I had messaged T-Rex a while ago but he didn’t reply to which the Joker tried to defend T-Rex. I probably should have mentioned something about T-Rex’s Facebook status a while back where he claimed to be in love ("I just wish you knew how much I cared" or something like that) but I didn’t. It wasn’t important because it wasn’t about me. There are a lot of things the Joker doesn’t know about what happened (or didn’t) between T-Rex and I, but I don’t want to tell him! I tried to blame the distance (did I mention I’d only seen him twice?!!) and unfortunately he brought up phone sex. I quickly changed the topic.

Later on, he brought it up again! Honestly, the man just won’t quit! I said something about M&M which was quite funny because the Joker’s like “who’s that?” I changed the subject again, but I was a little surprised he didn’t dig further into that one (though relieved at the same time!)

I don’t think I’m asking for much, although I technically didn’t ask for this. I guess I did in a way, but when he said “you didn’t invite me?!!” what else was I gonna do? It was fun!! We got to hang out, talk, and just be normal without the work environment. No one is listening in on your conversation and you don’t feel guilty (not that we ever do...) because you’re on company time.

Now, I have so much more stuff to pack. Damn you Ikea!! Frick! More dishes to wash! More furniture to put together! So little time! So much fun!

How much is too much?

So where exactly is the line? You know, the line between “we’re friends so I’ll tell you what’s going on” and “why the hell do you want to know? It’s not like you care”. Where’s the line? Since the Joker has been asking me about my Facebook status the other day, I’m a little unsure as to why he wants to know. I don’t believe he has ulterior motives, but it’s uncharacteristic of him to be so gosh-darn curious, which makes me curious!

I Facebook messaged him Saturday night, around 10:30 (as if anyone really cares about what time I messaged him!), telling him that my status (“what was I thinking”) was a long maze of a story. He deserved some sort of explanation after I refused to banter Friday, and I guess I was hoping the “long maze of a story” would suffice. I put my phone on lock and went to bed. Please don’t judge me! I had been taking shots of Jagermeister with my mom. And sister. And dad. Well, I don’t think Dad had any Jager, but we did have some fun that night! Perhaps my tipsiness had a slight effect on my decision to message the Joker, but I’m pretty sure I would’ve done that anyways. It was just a matter of timing.

The next morning, I checked my Blackberry (as always!) and saw that he had text messaged me. Like I’ve said before, he DOESN’T text me. Weirddddd.

10:58 pm The Joker – What were you thinking?

Seriously! Why do you want to know?! Doesn’t my “long maze of a story” raise a couple of red flags? It’s code for “I’ll tell you if you really want to know, but I don’t think you want to know so run while you still can!” I guess he’s a little slow. Maybe the text message was his way of saying that he DID really want to know. How do I reply to him? Honestly, I had thought that maybe the Joker had changed his mind, but I knew that was impossible. I cannot tell him that!! I had also realized that I was crazy for ever liking T-Rex. Each one of his pictures has him holding a drink or talking about drinking. That is the complete opposite of me. Immature. Immature. Immature. Not something I am used to so why on Earth did I like him? Oi.

Guilty as hell, I knew that I had to reply to the Joker. So what do I say to him to throw him off?

10:37 am The Grasshopper – Lol it truly is a long story. I don’t know if you really want to hear about all my boy problems :p

No reply. Oh yeah! That’s right mister!! I WIN!

I still don’t know how much information I should be sharing with him. If he would have replied, I’m sure I would have told him what I had been thinking about T-Rex, but I am glad that I didn’t have to! This is yet another lesson this young grasshopper will have to figure out all on her own.

Go Team Go

What could be more fun than sitting in the cold, wet, and windy weather for three hours with no one to talk to while watching your visiting friend’s team lose at a sport you hardly follow? Just about anything, I think!!! I went, I froze, they lost, and I left.

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t that bad, but they did lose. I had no idea where I was going, and once I got there, I had to pay to get in. Since I don’t carry cash, I have to now go and find an ATM machine which decides it hates me and charges a $1.75 convenience charge and drive back to the stadium to buy a ticket. (So maybe it was that bad.) Luckily no one spilled pop on me, but it was freezing! I was trying to watch the game, but I don’t know what is going on. I’m a hockey fan, through and through, and football is just not my thing. I followed best I could and the people sitting around me (one of them was T-Rex’s coach’s wife) kept talking about what was going on so that did help. In the end, they lost but I thought he played pretty well. All he had to do was run up to some guy and scream in his face, so that looked like it could’ve been fun. Maybe I’ll try out for a women’s team. Or not.

After the game I wanted to see him and talk for a minute, because that was why I was there. He came off of the field and I saw him talking to an older man. He smiled and waved once he saw me and I waved back. He talked to the older man for a minute (who turned out to be his dad but T-Rex didn’t introduce me) and he talked about coming down again this weekend to pick-up The Firefighter, T-Rex’s best friend. It sounded as though the older guy knew exactly what T-Rex was talking about, but it was all news to me. I tried to soak up as much info as I could, but I’ll probably talk to him later and find out what’s going on. Once his dad left T-Rex and I talked for a minute or so. He asked if I was heading home, and I said “Well yeah, where else would I go?” He thought I might be going to his sister’s, but I said that she didn’t make it to the game. He asked why and I said because from what I had understood, he hadn’t been talking to her lately so she didn’t come. Confused (a common emotion from my young friend), he said that he didn’t talk to her when I was hanging out with him, but he had tried to call her twice and she was sleeping. I found it odd that he even remembered hanging out with me since it has been well over a month now since I was up there. He seemed to forget everything that happened between us prior to that, but not my actual visit. Interesting. He said that he would hug me but he was all wet. I told him that I didn’t care and I got my hug anyways.

All in all, it was not a bad day. Well, minus the part where I actually had to WATCH the game; that did kind of suck. I got to see and talk to T-Rex (and I got my hug!) so I am glad that I went. I don’t know why I was making such a big deal out of the whole thing. It was just a football game and he wanted me there. Why should I not go? Of course, I probably won’t see him for a while now again, but that is probably a good thing. It’s best if we text and chat on MSN. He needs to have his drunken fun with his buddies and learn some hard lessons from a few girls. Then, he’ll know what works with women and what doesn’t. In a couple of years, I think we might be really good together. I wish I could say he was my best friend right now, but I think I’m going to need to kick the texting up a notch. If not, at least some really long Facebook messages. That way, I won’t bother him while he’s at work or at school but we can still keep in contact. I think that is a much better plan! Oh, I’m excited now!

Sometimes, life throws you a curveball. If you’re lucky, you won’t fumble or go offside. Wait. What sport are we talking about again? Ah yes, the sport of life.

Two Weeks Notice

It has taken me almost two weeks to decide if I am going to go to T-Rex’s football game tomorrow. TWO WEEKS!! He text messaged me last Tuesday to say goodnight and I didn’t hear anything from him again for six days. I know that there is nothing going on (obviously, because he forgot about me for six days!) but that is the longest we have ever gone without speaking. No, I didn’t message him because it was a test. It had to be. I really liked him when it was all cute and shit but now everything has changed and since it’s not going anywhere right now, well, I guess I have to turn that switch off.

When he did message me, I knew it would be to find out if I was going to the game or not. I told him that I didn’t know yet, which was true. I wanted to wait and see if he was going to talk to me this week and since he did, I knew I had a decision to make. All week, I’ve been weighing my options; a pro/con list like Rory Gilmore would make. (Did you see that show is coming to CMT this fall???!?!? I am so excited! Jess was my favourite boy, and although he treated Rory like crap I still liked him better than Dean. Dean was too tall.) If I didn’t go, it would be under the “why waste your time when he clearly doesn’t like you because he hasn’t talked to you in six days” category. I’m sure I can find something better to do with my time, like that song by Terri Clark (I could wash my car in the rain, change my new guitar strings, mow the yard just the same as I did yesterday). I started to wonder what would happen if I didn’t go. Would he be hurt? Upset? Would he text me and wonder what was going on? How long was he down for? Could we hang out more than just the one day his game was on? Since his birthday is the following Monday, could we go out and do something then too? Once I found out he was only down for the one day with only enough time for a “hug and goodbye”, I started to get even more confused! How is that possible? I have no clue.

Right now at work, two women that I work very closely with both have close family in the hospital. One of the women, Mrs. R, has a son-in-law with terminal cancer. He’s recently been placed on full time oxygen and his feeding tube has come out. The other lady, Mrs. P, had to take her husband into emergency a week ago for what they thought was kidney stones. Now he has septic shock and was in ICU for almost a week, and the doctors are worried about neurological damage. This year, I think the biggest theme for me and the most prominent lesson has been to cherish the moments. Take the time you need to take and spend it with people who matter. Don’t waste your time with people who don’t care about you, but do things that make you happy. I can’t imagine myself in a position, knowing I am about to die. What would I regret? What would I change?

This has all made me think a lot about my relationship with men, and namely T-Rex. Since we are not going anywhere right now, I should be happy to have him in my life. I’m a strong, mature twenty year-old and I know who I am. Sure, I’m still learning, but I know myself well enough to know that I need to be at his football game. (It’s supposed to rain all day with a chance of thundershowers, by the way.) I need to be there to support him because I never want to look back on my life and regret not being there for him. What good of a friend am I if I don’t go? A sucky one, that’s for sure! I need to be there to know in my heart that I’m mature enough to handle it. As his friend, I need to be there.

Some of my friends think I’m crazy, including my sister, but I don’t care. I would appreciate their support, but I know that they all believe I’m still hung up on him. NOW IS NOT THE RIGHT TIME! If I know that, why can’t my friends listen to me? He’s too immature for me and maybe when we’ve grown up things will change. I know in my heart that I care for him and I wish I could call him my best friend, but right now I can’t. When you don’t talk to me for six days, someone is going to be pissed and it’s going to be me. I hope tomorrow goes well. I don’t really know what to expect and I don’t think his sister is even coming to watch the game. I know where I’ll be at two: underneath the grandstands, Starbucks in hand, lululemon hoodie on, cheering my heart out for my friend. It’s what I do.

One Last Time

Perhaps T-Rex has selective memory. This is what I’m coming to believe because he doesn’t seem to remember any of our super-cute text message conversations that convinced me he liked me, but instead remembers asking me to come to his football game next month. Does that make sense to anyone?

I honestly have no idea how a guy can simply forget all of those conversations. How can you forget that you’ve been thinking about a girl “24/7” after just one week? He told me he was going to take me on a date, but I guess he simply forgot or found someone else. I don’t know and although I care (he is one of my best friends after all), it’s not something I find particularly helpful to dwell on (although that doesn’t seem to stop me!). I’ve already spent too many days trying to figure out what has been going on with him. I noticed the change as soon as I came back from visiting him. I’ve rarely talked to him since I came back which is so odd. I’m sorry to say, but no, I’m not 5’6”, 120 lbs with a pair of double D’s!! This is me and if you can’t be happy with that, that’s just too damn bad honey! I was myself 110% of the time while I was up there so I have no clue what happened! When we do talk, as rarely as it might be, he keeps telling me that he is really busy. I guess that is a fair excuse, but it still seems strange. (This is me NOT dwelling on the subject?)

We’ve been kinda-sorta talking these past couple of days, but that’s about to end. It’s time we play a little “tit-for-tat” with Mr. T. I hate playing these sorts of games, and he and I promised not to play games. Also though, he did promise me a ton of shit that just ain’t happening right now and I can’t take this anymore. I’ll just disappear for a little while and if he decides to chase me, he can do that but I’ve got better things to do than sit and wait around for an almost-nineteen year old boy to man up! I didn’t even know he was working until I read his Facebook wall today! HELLO! That is the kind of stuff I should be told, don’t you think? Okay, so I’m moving on. This is me moving on. Time to delete “I Just Call You Mine” (I fall apart and just a word from you somehow seems to fix whatever's wrong. You reach into the weakest moments and remind me that I'm strong. You gotta know I'd be a fool not to see or even worse to forget that you're more than I deserve) and replace it with “Used To” (We used to have this figured out. We used to breathe without a doubt. When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see. We used to have this under control. We never thought. We used to know. At least there's you, and at least there's me. Can we get this back? Can we get this back to how it used to be?) Perhaps it is a little disappointing and sad, but that’s how I’m feeling.

I guess we will see how he responds to this latest development. Probably just like every other guy I’ve used this “tried and true” trick on: they don’t even notice. I just want one guy to prove to me they’re not all the same. You’re just another silly boy.

De-coding The Obvious

Women are not difficult creatures to understand: text message us to say hi, tell us we look pretty, and buy us flowers. Is that so hard to do? I guess it is for some men and I have learned lately to play it cool when you are into a guy and not talk to him unless he initiates contact. Alright, this sounds simple enough.

I had not talked to T-Rex for three days as he was not initiating contact (and neither was I!). This morning when I got up, I checked my Blackberry as always and there were two messages from him.
11:38pm – Good night my friend
11:39pm – I hate not talked to you in a while.. So we gotta catch up

The first time I read the second text, I read “I hate not talking to you. We have to catch up.” Then I realized he probably meant that to say “I have not talked to you in a while”: two very different phrases! One letter can change the entire meaning of the phrase! I like the idea that he hates not talking to me. That’s sweet and something he would have said before the whole driving-three-hours-to-see-him-and-then-everything-changes-but-he-thinks-it-didn’t thing. That is the T-Rex I like; the one who was honest and blunt about things. He would say what he was thinking and feeling, but this T-Rex seems to forget I exist for a day or three. Not my forte, as the commercial would say! He should hate not talking to me. I’m fricken amazing so yeah! I hope all of his days suck ass when he’s not talking to me because I make them better.

Okay, so we have not talked in a while. I know! It’s up to him to make the moves now; I did more than my share driving up there and wearing my heart on my sleeve, again. Is this his way of saying that he misses me? I know that guys won’t say “mushy” stuff like that (although it is exactly what every girl wants to hear) but was that his point on telling me what I already knew? Was he reminding me? I know, I am over thinking this, but you would be to so don’t judge me!

If you keep reading, he says “we gotta catch up”. Catch up on what? It’s only been three days! What is so pressing that needs to be discussed this late? My bedtime for text messages is 11 and he knows that, so would he say we gotta catch up if it was something unimportant? Probably. I bet it has something to do with a girl. He needs to tell me that he’s found a girl before changing his relationship status on Facebook. That has to be it. Why else would he say we have to catch up? Did he miss me? Did he forget again that I am supposed to be his girl? Damn you T-Rex! Damn you for being so young and not getting what the hell is going on!

Alas, I did not get the messages until the morning and replied around 11 while I was working. (Alright, it was a coffee break. I am a good union employee!) I didn’t hear from him all day and our conversation this evening was nothing spectacular. He text messaged me “Word.” I wish I was witty and said something like “orange” or “asparagus” or “calendar”. There’s a “word” for you! I’m not that quick when it comes to thinking on my toes, and I was so excited it was him who has messaged me, I just said something mundane back. It was nice though, in a weird way, to know that he was back. I had won. Finally, that silver lining is coming through. Okay, so it was nothing major, but still! I flew under the radar for a couple of days, and then he’s back to talking to me.

If I can be completely honest with myself for just a minute, I would like to yell at myself. This should just take a second. DAMN YOU! Stop making up all of these crazy stories in your head! You know that you have to wait because it is not the right time and he’s told you he wants to be your friend. Be okay with that. Deal with it! Stop analyzing every word he says and trying to figure out if he says “I hate not talking to you” or “I have not talked to you”. He’s an eighteen year old boy who can’t spell! You know that so don’t pick apart his words. Be happy with what you have because it could be a whole lot worse. Don’t go scaring the boys away now.

Life lesson? I don’t think there is one in this. This is just another example of how the game must be played. True, I don’t have a clue what the rules are. I do know that I am winning.

Desperate Relation-shit

Desperate, adj.
1) Reckless or dangerous because of despair or urgency;
2) Having an urgent need, desire, etc.
3) Leaving little or no hope; very serious or dangerous
4) Extremely bad; intolerable or shocking
5) Extreme or excessive
6) Making a final, ultimate effort
7) Actuated by a feeling of hopelessness
8) Having no hope; giving in to despair

I would advise anyone who plans on using this word to do so with extreme caution. If used improperly, unpredictable actions and attitudes may occur.

One of my friends, VWBug, I have known since I was seven. We were friends back then and throughout high school but recently we’ve been getting much closer. I’ve been hanging out with her more and more and we’re even planning a trip to Mexico! Mainly, we talk about boys. Why, you ask? Why not?!! They do consume most of our time whether we’re talking to them, dreaming about them, or analyzing their every move; there’s no denying it.

VWBug knows what is going on between T-Rex and I and the other night him and I were chatting on msn. I was trying to get answers to some of my questions, and I thought it best to bring up the past and how things had changed. I sent my conversation to her on Facebook so she could see what was going on. His answers kind of shocked me since he forgot all we had promised me before. (He had told he was thinking about me 24/7, going to take me on a date, cook me dinner, and he wanted to hear my Dad’s trucker stories. I kind of thought he liked me since every two seconds there would be a new text message from him! I have all of our text messages still on my phone (over two months worth) but it is a Blackberry and it keeps them forever. I have no reason to delete them; they are my proof that I am not crazy.) So I sent her our conversation and I was kind of expecting a comforting word or two, like a “you can do better than him”, “he’ll come around”, “he doesn’t know what he’s missing out on”, or something along those lines. She didn’t really say that and I had to get to sleep.

The next day she said that she something she needed to tell me but didn’t want me to “take it the wrong way”. Now I’m confused. Just wait! It gets better. She proceeds to tell me that my conversation came across as desperate to her. I didn’t really think much of it as it was time to get back to work. Maybe she was right, and I tried to see how it may have come across that way but she didn’t have the whole story.

Yesterday, I found out she had wrote a blog about my situation, in which she proceeds to tell the WORLD that she had asked five (count ‘em, FIVE) guys about my dilemma. Their response, to no surprise, was that I was a) lonely, b) horny, or c) unsatisfied. I’m sorry, but did I ask her to get advice on my behalf?!! VWBug knows me well enough to know that none of those are true! She is calling me desperate? This from the girl who has a new boy every two weeks! Excuse me? Obviously offended and hurt, I text messaged her about it and asked if she was saying I acted desperate because I was unsatisfied. She agreed and I thanked her for the insight. I was polite and pleasant and have yet to confront her on the issue; I was working and did not want to bring my personal life to the workplace. (That’s another blog!) I feel so betrayed by her and I did not want a “Dr. Phil” answer on my problem. I told her that in confidence and she had no right to go and ask her guy friends about it! I trusted her with that information and I cannot believe she would do something like this. Sure, maybe she didn’t see anything wrong with it. I know! Next time she has some relation-shit drama, I’ll go and ask T-Rex what he thinks! Yeah bitch, what do you think about that!

Me? Desperate? You have got to be kidding me. If I was desperate, I would out at the bars and clubs on a Saturday night like this, instead of at home blogging about my life. I do not need a man to be happy and she should know that. I haven’t had a boyfriend yet, and life is just fine without one. Proceed with caution: desperate is a hurtful word.

Sommersaults and Jumping Jacks

Alright, so it’s time for a light bulb moment! I can tell that you are just jumping out of your skin for this one! My best friend (or friend that has been there for me when I’ve really needed someone) this week has been the Joker! Wow, who saw this one coming? I haven’t posted anything on the Joker yet because he has been somewhat out of the picture lately, but I think after this crazy week, he deserves a gold star.

My cousin, Ryan*, is getting married in a couple of weeks and has been, well harassing, for lack of a better word, our family to convince us a) he’s a changed man and no longer a lying, stealing, crackhead, and b) since he is all changed and “clean” we should come to the wedding so we can buy him wedding presents and give him money (okay, so maybe he didn’t mention the presents/money part, but we know better). My uncle asked him the other week why he is getting married. Ryan answered that he is “in love”. What he failed to mention is that his girlfriend is six months pregnant. I don’t believe a word Ryan says, since he has lied to my parents many times and is eight years older than me so he wasn’t around much. Jail will do that to you, I guess. Now that he’s allegedly clean, he’s coming down to visit. Yippee. I’m happy on the inside. Not. He has been calling and we’ve been avoiding. Just because he’s left messages does not mean we’ve got them. It is very possible our answering machine has been broken for a couple weeks now. Maybe it’s mad at Ryan too! Caller ID is the best invention ever, and even if you block your number, we’re still not going to answer or call you back. Get a clue! We don’t want to talk to you!

Since Ryan failed to interpret these tell-tale signs, he was determined to meet with us for coffee. We had heard through the grapevine (thanks Opa!) that he was coming down on Tuesday and wanted to come over to our house for coffee. Ryan hadn’t even told us he was coming, or who was coming for that matter. Okay, so we never returned his calls. Big whoop! He could have said something about that in the message instead of just asking us to call him. Tuesday was truly a day from hell as I dreaded going home. I’m imagining the worst possible scenario (besides him showing up at my work): they’re parked on the driveway when I get home at five but mom and sis won’t be home until six-thirty. Luckily, that didn’t happen and we met them for coffee at Tim Hortons. (My uncle’s ex-girlfriend (LONG story) had suggested we meet them at her place instead but my mom persisted: “I don’t do warm and fuzzy with these people.”)

I don’t believe a word Ryan told us about being clean. His eyes were still bloodshot and he was wearing sunglasses when we got there. It was getting dark and the glasses were unnecessary. It was a “pleasant” visit, and short enough that we didn’t have to fake our niceness too much. The only thing Ryan wanted to know was if we were going to their wedding, but we continued to put off the question. I hated it. Every minute, having to sit there and pretend that I believed what he was saying. Honestly! I haven’t talked to him in about four months, and I haven’t seen him in eight years! But no, now that he is all clean, sober, changed, and in-love, he’s supposed to be a different man? I don’t buy it! I’m not that naive and after everything he’s put my family through, put this in your juice box and suck it!

Obviously dreading this night, I wanted to talk to someone about it but it seemed as though all of my friends had other plans. I don’t tell many people about my screwed up family because it’s none of their business. I had planned on talking to T-Rex about it and did somewhat, but he seemed pre-occupied when I tried bringing up the subject. Wise One has four kids and a husband home from Afghanistan, so I didn’t want to be bothering her with all of my family crazy. My other friend, VWBug, has no clue what my family is all about and it’s a long story. I didn’t want to catch her up on it all, and although I could have I don’t feel comfortable enough to tell her everything. That part is odd considering I’ve known her since I was eight, but I guess I didn’t trust her enough to tell her what was happening.

How does the Joker tie in to all of this? I work with him, and a while back I had a crush on him. Turns out, he didn’t feel the same, so we’re friends. From the outside (and inside too actually), you could say we have an odd relationship. We park beside each other every day in the parking lot furthest away from our building. (I have yet to figure out why we park here but we do. It’s weird.) Since the Joker and I work on the same floor and have the same hours, we walk out together every night. In a four minute walk, you can find out a lot about someone! At the beginning, I did most of the talking and he kept everything in. We are eight years apart and he’s a private person; it just so happens that I’m not. I had no problem opening up to him, but after a while I had to stop. I was telling him all sorts of information but not finding anything out about him which made me wonder why he wasn’t opening up yet. It’s taken some time, but I think we’re finally getting there.

On Monday, I mentioned to him about the coffee date from hell and he advised me to skip it. I told him that I couldn’t do that; family was involved. I gave off bits and pieces of information (I am getting very good at keeping the important information to myself: add mystery!) After work on Tuesday, he asked if I was ready (for the family). I told him that “my stomach is doing jumping jacks and somersaults!” He took that as a “no”. Luckily, he changed the subject but he asked me on Wednesday how it went. I told him we were fed a bunch of bullshit and that I couldn’t even look in Ryan’s eyes because they were full of lies.

Later that night, I text messaged T-Rex and told him how it had gone. He was “out and about” and said we could talk on msn the next day. I agreed but felt humiliated. Here he was, out with his friends, and I’m spilling my heart out and he can’t even talk. I know that he wouldn’t have had anything important to say back, but I wanted him to listen to me. He didn’t get how important this was to me and how badly I wanted him to say something nice to comfort me. This was a big event in my life that had brought a lot of drama lately and I wanted to share it with him.

Today I had my light bulb moment! After everything that had gone on, it was the Joker who truly listened. Okay, so I didn’t tell him everything about the family, but I did tell him enough. He didn’t have great advice or words of wisdom for me, and no, “skip it” is not great advice. None of that matters though. He was there for me. He remembered on Tuesday that they were coming that night, and then he asked me on Wednesday how it had gone. He listened to me. He, dare I say it, cared! His personality has done a complete 180 lately, but I am so glad and I can honestly say that he is my friend now. It’s about time!

Unexpected Questions

I am a woman. I am not a bobble head doll. I do not like to be treated as one either. As a young grasshopper, I am simply trying to make my way through this messed up world the best that I can. The only problem is when I begin to be treated as a toy; that’s when things get interesting.

My new boy, T-Rex, is currently visiting his hometown. Since I have left his house, three hours away, on Tuesday he has not text messaged me first.In fact, I have not heard anything from him all of yesterday and not one message from him today yet. Now please let me get this out before you make an opinion on my situation. T-Rex had been text messaging me first for the past month and a half and usually by 11 in the morning I would have a message from him. He even took a trip with some friends a couple of weeks ago. While he was gone, I continued to receive messages from him (Facebook or text messages, but nevertheless, a message). Now that we have met, and he is away from home again, it is as though I have disappeared. I’m still here buddy!

What he does not know, as a man, is how he is hurting my feelings by not talking to me. While he was gone a couple of weeks ago, he made time for me; he wanted to talk to me and ran up his cell bill doing so. Now, he has just become too busy, I presume, to send me a simple text message to say hello. I’m sorry for asking, but where did I go wrong? Somewhere between in all of the between liking you and being myself while I was with you, I must have made a large mistake.

Wait! No, I didn’t! I didn’t do anything wrong! So why do I have to keep telling myself that I didn’t do anything wrong? I have put so much emphasis on how one guy talks to me, it has become ridiculous! I am my own person and do not need his approval. If he finds time is his suddenly super-busy schedule to text me so I know he is thinking about me, so be it. Until then, he is acting like a complete jerk. I don’t care how many people he is catching up with back home. For all I know, he’s getting laid! Maybe he is; that would be the perfect ending to this story. I drive three hours to meet him where I decide that I do like him, but by the time I’ve come home, I’m just another chick. NO! I didn’t go anywhere! I am still here with my phone six inches away from me like I have been all along!

I did not do anything wrong and I do not need his approval. I don’t know what has changed, if anything. He told me that my trip didn’t change anything. Really now? How can I believe that when you have become too busy to say hello? Something must have changed on my trip or this wouldn’t be happening right now. Would you mind filling me in on what you are thinking so I don’t feel so completely alienated right now? After everything I’ve told him about all of the other losers in my life, I don’t know why he is becoming one. I don’t need this and I’m not going to stand for it. The opposite is true: I’m going to stand up for what I deserve.

This form of whiplash is very hard on us women. Honestly, my neck has start to hurt and my chiropractic bills are piling up! We are not a toy and do not deserve to be treated as such. Men, all you need to do is show us that you’re thinking about us. A simple “Hello” will suffice. We’re not asking for much here; simply, a little electronic affection.

Travel On

I guess you would be fair to say I haven’t had much luck with men. That would be completely justified, and I would not even bother arguing with you about that blatant truth. I’ve never been in a relationship, on a date, or felt wanted by a man. I know what I am looking for, and it’s not like my expectations are extremely high. I want an honest, sweet, caring, nice guy who would come over in the middle of the night and dry my tears. Someone to text me each morning, hold me during a movie, and send flowers to my work. It really does not take much to make me happy but it seems that this guy I am looking for does not exist.

My best friend, Athena, has decided to set me up with her younger brother. Oh goody. This ought to be fun! When I first heard about the plan, well, let’s just say I was less than thrilled. She had told me I was going to marry T-Rex, and have babies with him. What would you be thinking? “Oh shit. She thinks I’m so desperate I need her to set me up with her brother! This can’t be good.” Well, that’s what I was thinking! Although excited to meet this new boy, that was the problem. I had to meet this new boy, with an emphasis on meet! I do not do well with meeting new people. I am a very quiet person at first and I do not open up to my outlandish self until I feel very comfortable around them. Obviously, I thought she was crazy but I played along with her plan mindlessly because I knew it made her happy thinking she was this great matchmaker, although I had yet to speak to him!

One evening, June 19th in fact, I had a “friend suggestion” on Facebook. I stopped to look at who it was because it was very rare that I get friend request/suggestions! I was curious. Athena had suggested to T-Rex and I that we become Facebook friends. How cute! (Try to keep your lunch down; I know it’s tough.) Immediately, I sent her a message asking if she was feeling alright! I left my computer and went back to visiting with my family outside. I had my phone beside me so when she decided to reply I would get a text message from her. After an hour with no reply, I went back on Facebook and found a friend request! To my amazement, he too had heard the same fortune telling from Athena and we started talking immediately. Before long, we were text messaging and became electronically inseparable. (This is beginning to sound awfully familiar!)
Every little thing he did made me smile. We talked about all of our problems and he would always be there to listen, no matter how silly, stressful, or seemingly stupid my conversation topics seemed. He would text me first, usually by 11:00 a.m. when I went for my coffee break and as I was leaving work at 5:00, I would get another message asking how my day went. That is by far, the quickest way to my heart! We would talk for hours on end about anything and he was always so sweet and nice to me. He told me when he that when he came to visit (He is going to school three hours away, but his sister lives thirty minutes from my house and has an open door policy when it comes to him!), he was going to cook dinner for me. We were going to go out on an official date, and he was going to teach me how to shotgun a drink. Although the latter of these frightened me quite a bit, I began to conclude that he did, in fact, like me. This put me on cloud nine! A nice, sweet boy that likes me! Jackpot!

I started telling him about my passion for writing and he asked me to write something about him. This 18 year old boy, who I have never met but will one day date, would like me to write something about him. I was awestruck, first of all, that he wanted me to write something and also stumped because I had no idea what I wanted to tell him in my blog post. I was also unsure of where I stood with him, so I decided to play it safe; I went with the “best friend” card. I sent it to him let him read it. He told me that he didn’t know I felt that way about it and it gave him butterflies. T-Rex told me that he was going to read it whenever he was having a bad day to make him feel better. The next day he told me that he wished he could write something to make me smile like I had made him. I proceeded to tell him that “anything you write for me will make me smile”. Later that day, I got a Facebook message that put the biggest smile on my face! He called me his best friend and said he felt comfortable around me. “I know I feel that I can tell her anything and she won’t judge me. I think she feels the same way about me. But I have been there for her when she’s has been going through her problems and she has be there for me. I know every time I get a text message from her there is always a little grin or smile that goes on my face, no matter what mood I am in.” He proceeded to ask me if that made me smile, and I told him “It’s perfect!” So that’s where we stood: best friends. I knew that I had to go and visit him to see if we had as much chemistry as we seemed to and figure out if we were going anywhere.

A couple weeks later, I drove three hours by myself to meet him. When I was there, he acted as if I was his best friend. He treated me with the utmost respect and never crossed a line. We didn’t talk about it, but I kind of wanted that line to be crossed. I wanted him to tell me that he wanted to try to make this work, but knew it wasn’t the right time for us. Just for a mille-second, I wanted to cross the friend line and jump right back over again! I wanted him to hold my hand, cuddle with me, and maybe try to kiss me! I got three hugs, and a “Thanks for coming up” as I was leaving. Slightly disappointed, I bawled on my drive home. I was expecting this great realization or event when I was up there but instead I got three hugs. I guess my safe “best friends” card got in the way. Granted it was the first time we met, and I’m guessing he wanted to keep that card in play. I just wanted to feel wanted by him when I was there and I thought that was going to happen.

My trip didn’t go exactly how I had planned. For instance, when you call another girl to meet you and your friend-who-just-drove-three-hours-to-meet-you-for-the-first-time, somebody is going to be upset! It’s probably going to be the one who drove to meet you. I wanted to spend every waking minute with him, not him and some other chick. What does that make me? Chick 2? Chick 14? Chick 119,923? Where do I stand? Why do you have to call someone else to come and join us? Aren’t we having fun? Do you still want me to be here or would you rather I get in my car and leave you an hour from home? Luckily, I didn’t leave him. Instead, I text messaged his sister, who in turns begins text messaging T-Rex who found the entire scenario extremely funny. Really? He was getting great enjoyment of the insane amount of text messages he was happily ignoring. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there swearing like a sailor to his sister! Great fun it was not.

It is very difficult to have electronic relationships with people. Please, avoid it at all costs! I have had one too many, and that was part of the reason I felt I had to go and meet him. I want to be, at the very least his friend, and it is challenging to do that when you are three hours apart and both very busy people. We had a blast while I was there and wouldn’t change a thing about what happened, even though my great event didn’t take place.

When I got home, I asked him if we were going anywhere or were better as friends. He told me that a) he didn’t want me to be mad because I was “nice and everything”; b) the distance would be really challenging and he was going to be very busy in the fall; and c) he wanted to keep talking to me and hoped we could still be friends. He said that the trip didn’t change anything. Wow. That is a lot to take in all at once! Even from that, I still don’t know how he feels! Does that mean he wants to make it work but knows the distance is too much? Is that an “it’s not you, it’s me, but it’s really you”? Am I not what he expected to meet? I was myself the entire time. What did I do wrong? I know that we are too far apart to make this work right now, but I wanted him to tell me that! Still, after talking about this with the Wise One, I believe he does still like me. Do you think I’m crazy after all of this to believe that? His sister and I are going to give him the benefit of the doubt: he is only 18 and the friend thing probably got in the way. Wise One is still convinced we will be married. I guess we shall see!

Since coming home, things have seemed to change. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday I have text messaged T-Rex first and yesterday I did not text him at all, but I didn’t get a text from him either. I do know that he isn’t home now either; he is visiting his friends in his hometown. Once again, the benefit of the doubt! He will be stopping by to visit his sister tomorrow on his way home. I told him that since he will be going through my town, he could always stop by if he wanted. I’ll be home! He said he would see how it goes, so I will wait.

A sweet, nice, caring guy is at my fingertips. Now I just have to find a way to make him mine. This should be an interesting journey!