Crap Happens

I’m not really sure how to preface this. I’ve been staring at the blank screen watching the little black line flash up and down and the only thing I can think? I could’ve died today. Sure, Nickelback can sing “If Today Was Your Last Day” all they want, but truly, today could’ve been my last day.

My new-to-me pick-up, which I’ve named Jack (I <3 Jack!), was lowered down when I bought it, but the bottoming out on speed bumps became an issue. I had it raised to stock height and went to pick it up today. $600 later, he was as sexy as ever. And yes, I do refer to Jack as my lover and boyfriend quite often. So after picking him up this morning, I was still really early for work so I decided to gas up my truck and I took some cash out. I drove around a little bit and as I was just about to make the last turn, I got hit. I didn’t even see her coming, and I cut her off. She nailed the back bumper and side panel of my Jack. Luckily, I guess, I sped up to try to miss the collision so she only hit the back bumper. It could’ve been a lot worse. Yes, we are both fine. Yes, my insurance will go up 30% the first year, 20% the second, and 10% the third. Yes, it was my fault. I could’ve died.

We exchanged info, and I drove to work. I parked, called my mom, and cried like a baby. She tried to calm me down, but I was too wound up to really listen. As I was on the phone with her, the Joker pulled in beside me. He saw the damage and gave me a hug to try to calm me down. Obviously, that didn’t work and he said that it could and would be fixed. He stroked my back a couple of times to comfort me as I swore like a sailor at myself. We walked in together and he tried to get me to relax, but I was still teary eyed. I was so mad at myself for allowing this to happen. “I didn’t have to take money out this morning. I didn’t have to gas my truck up. I should’ve come straight from the shop.” He told me not to play the “What If” game; it doesn’t change what’s happened. His advice? Get a couple of girlfriends over and go out drinking. Really? That’s not going to make Jack better. “My problems will still be there in the morning, and I’ll be sick.” Smart words for a twenty year old, eh?

FML. Seriously. I am so mad at myself. It has made me think what if it really had been my last day? What would I change? I’m so sorry Jack. I don’t need this right now! Perhaps tomorrow morning, I won’t repeat the same words I said this morning: “Why are things going so well?” Yeah, that’s what I get.

Too Much To Do

Do you know what I would really like? One day where I am not stressed out about anything. Today it’s Jack. I have so many things to do to my new truck and although I want help on some things, others I know that I can do own my own.

Take my front license plate, for example. I have a plate and a plate holder but I have to drill holes in the bumper and install it. Well, I don’t know how to use a drill, first of all. I was lying under the truck the other day, trying to see where I could put the holes (which I’ll also need those anchor bolt things – note to self) but I couldn’t see anything because the truck is lowered down. So here I am, feeling around the bumper trying to see, but I can’t because I’m not all the way under the truck which wouldn’t help anyways. My mom comes home and asks me “what the hell are you doing down there?” I told her that I didn’t have a clue. My, oh my, this is frustrating!

Another thing. I need to buy winter wheels for Jack. Well, it’s a 2WD pick-up (which apparently means something relating to the wheels that I just don’t understand, but whatever) and the Joker has told me that wheels will be hard to find. He said he’s been looking for the past year and half but can’t find anything because of the offset or something. He has a similar pick-up, but his wheels are five stud whereas mine are six. I’ve tried talking to my dad about it, but I kind of want to do it on my own. Still, when I do talk to him about it, somehow we end up talking about one of our four other vehicles instead. Excuse me? Were we not just talking about my vehicle? How exactly does the Kia relate to previously-loved wheels for Jack which we cannot find? I don’t want to talk about the Kia! I want advice for my search! My dad told me today that he never gets to see me. True, I spend about five minutes with you in the mornings and on your days off we try to have family dinners. The Joker told me to ask my dad about the wheels and when I told him I hadn’t told my dad about it, he said I was “lying by omission”. You see, I’m not purposely lying to my dad. I’m not lying to my dad. I never get to see him, so we don’t talk about this. It doesn’t count as lying if there is no communication!

Apparently, new winter tires for my truck are going to cost around seven hundred dollars. Wait just a minute: aha!!! Okay, so mini-freak out over and now I have to call around to these sketch auto-wreckers and ask if they have the wheels I’m looking for. I don’t know what I’m looking for!! The Joker has told me more than once what I need, but I feel so stupid having to ask repeatedly. He has given me so much advice already on the new truck, including how to go over speed bumps. In my defence, the truck is lowered down and rides about 2 ½ inches off of the ground which I’m not used to. How am I supposed to know about shocks? Stop on the top of the speed bump? I don’t know! He did, however, nicely bring up that he taught me how to do that in front of my manager and a co-worker the other day. I’m pretty sure I turned bright red. Thanks for that.

My air-conditioner, which I’m still not used to having, works really well! It’s great to have to turn the fan to the fourth level to feel any air circulating. Not. I told my dad and he suggested I call the dealer and get them to take a look at it. Alright, so I called and made an appointment but when I talked to the Joker about it, he had other ideas. Unbeknownst to me, it was “common sense” to check underneath the dash if it was a problem with the switch. “Just pull the dash off” was his suggestion. Pull the dash off?!!! How the hell do I do that? Why would I do that? My truck-driving father has told me to take it the dealer and the Joker’s telling me to pull the dash off. What the hell?! Then he said it would be easier to see if there was, in fact, a problem with the switch so I’d just have to go down to the dealer and get a new switch. Although, it might be a malfunction in the wiring, I won’t know that until I’ve installed a new switch. Suuurrrreeeeee. I’ll get right on that one.

I don’t know any of the lingo he uses and it all sounds like gibberish. The one thing I do hate is when he uses the “you’re a girl” argument with me. “Typical girl” he says to me. What is that supposed to mean? I don’t know how to do this because I have boobs? Well excuse me, mister asshole! Let me show you that I will learn how to do this and I will do it on my own. I bought the truck because a) I’ve always wanted a truck and never liked my car (except in the summer) b) I wanted to learn how to take care of it, and c) I was bored with life and needed a change. One thing I didn’t account for was the amount of stress and money that was going to come with it! I want to, no, I have to prove the Joker wrong. I’m not a typical girl and I know that I can figure this out.

I think I’ve lived in a mechanics bubble all my life. Dad has always had the theory that there are people who are paid to do this and since we don’t know how and have money, they can do it properly for us. The Joker suggested I take a Mechanics 101 course at the university. He was serious.

Jack Can Wait

I really hate arguing with people, especially when it comes to religion. It isn’t a subject I feel comfortable talking, even though I have been a Christian all my life. I often feel as though I can’t answer any of my friends’ questions and claims against Christianity, so I don’t discuss it with them. I know that isn’t what God wants from me, so I’ve been trying to talk about it more and more.

A few months ago, the Joker and I somehow began arguing religion. He had many questions that I couldn’t answer (as usual!) and as his friend, I wanted to help. Scratch that. I felt called by God to find answer to the Joker’s questions. I dove into His word and I attended an intro to Christianity course at our Church. The program is called Alpha, and it allows people to explore some of life’s biggest questions in a safe environment. In it, questions like “Is there a God?”, “Why am I here?”, and “Where am I going?” are all discussed. No question is too big or too hostile for this course!

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve really felt God telling me that the time is right to ask the Joker to come to Alpha with me. I know the Joker has always wanted answers to his questions (like any normal person!) but no one seems to be able to counteract his claims, (I’ve tried, oh so unsuccessfully.) so I knew that I had to ask him. It was do or die time!

We were walking out, and he was making fun of my new-to-me pick-up because I had named him Jack. The Joker is going on and on about how many different ways he can tease me about that. Jack Black. Blackjack. Jack and the Beanstalk. Jack and Jill. Jack Sparrow. (He must really think he is one funny guy. Someone should set him straight!!) I told him that I had to ask him something, and his reply? “But I’m not finished making fun of Jack.” I told him that he could continue after; this would only take a second. Nervous as anything, I did. I told him about the program and he said that he had been to church before. I said that didn’t mean he had answers to all of his questions and I even went to the course, though I grew up in the church. We discussed it for a few minutes and he said that he would think about it. I told him that I would go with him (he said that sounded like I was going to be his AA sponsor. Seriously, why does he think he’s so funny??) because I didn’t want him to feel pressured by going alone. He told me that he would let me know, which is good because I didn’t want an answer right aways.

I know that the program would be good for him, and good for our friendship. I really feel that the time is right and that the Joker and I are moving into a stronger relationship. I even told him, “I’m just trying to be a good friend.” That was the first time I’ve called him a friend to his face since we’ve known each other (almost fourteen months). I don’t think the Joker will turn down a challenge, but this is a Mount Everest sized one. He does love to argue, especially with me, so hopefully he will come with me and explore the meaning of life.