Dear friends,
I believe my time has come to move on to a brand new blog. Truth be told, I've been working on it for a while now and it seems as though now is the right time for me to change direction. If you'd like the link to my new blog, please e-mail me (pianogirl_89@hotmail.com) and I'd be more than happy to pass it along. All the best in your future endeavours, dear ones.
Grasshopper
I havent been to church since I don’t remember when
Things were goin’ great ‘til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them
I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know whereever you are honey, I pray for you
I’m really glad I found my way to church
‘Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words
Yeah I’m goin’ take the high road
And do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messin’ up and I’ll keep prayin’ for you
I pray your tire blows out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with his and her tattoos
I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know whereever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car,
wherever you are honey, I pray for you.
I pray for you
Jaron and the Long Road to Love - I Pray For You
Lyrics found at http://www.onlylyrics.com/hits.php?grid=8&id=1040119
Our lives are made up by the moments in our lives when we are truly happy. It doesn't matter how it happens or what we do to get there; all that counts then is that we've discovered our true selves and the secret to our individual happiness.
My visit with T-Rex was shorter than I thought it would be. He left this morning at eight but I thought we'd have the whole day to hang out. Instead, last night we grabbed a couple of dvd's and a twelve pack and hung out on my couch until he fell asleep. We could have sat there all night and not said a word - I wouldn't have cared.
Through it all, it was like we'd known each other forever. I was happy and that's really all that matters.
FRIDAY. T-Rex is coming to visit! To say that I’m giddy would be the biggest hyperbole of the day. I am over the moon, way past cloud nine, and all of this just to spend 24 hours with one of my best friends.
I don’t really know where to start. I guess it began a while ago when I felt God calling me (well, I thought he was calling me anyways) to go back to school. The only problem was that although he kept putting this on my heart to go back, go back, I just was at a loss when it came to deciding what I wanted to do when I got back there. I don’t really have the means to run amuck and take classes on a whim or for the fun of it. I guess part of the problem is that I still have so many options and opportunities out there that I don’t want to decide – if you can even call anything I do a clear decision – to take, say, major in business and then after six years of going to school part time after work decide that I hate my life and have just wasted it away doing something I despise. I suppose it’s because I want to be sure. Really, truly sure about anything before I put my foot down and announce my life’s plans. Honestly, at 21 can anyone have a life plan?
My friend is about to finish up a four year art program and was planning on attending law school. Not anymore, sunshine. Now she gets to spend another four years becoming a speech language pathologist or something like that. I don’t want to be like that. I want to do something I’m really passionate about and make money off of that but in all honesty I don’t know what that is yet.
So now, I’ve told everyone that I work with that I’m planning on going back to school (I’ve even moved back home!) but my plan ends with my plan, you know? Is it possible to have a mid life crisis at 21? Don’t get me wrong. There are a lot of things that I want to do with my life and thankfully, I have an extremely accommodating job to help me get there. I just don’t want to be there forever, I think.
I don’t know what to do. It would be so much easier if someone were to just tell me what to do. “Here, go cure cancer.” I’d go do it. “Oh, well you should run your own B&B like Lorelai Gilmore.” Heck yes. “Write a book.” “Become a social worker.” “Fight political unrest in Burma.” Done. Like. Dinner. But no. Instead, I have to lie awake at night wondering.
One day I’ll know.
Oh, my dear blog, how I've missed you!! It has been far too long and it seems as though everything has changed, somehow it's all just the same. So, I guess a lot has happened since I last posted.
Just in case you didn't know, the Olympics are in my town! Yes, ten years in the making, and finally we get to host the world to the greatest city in the world. (I know that I may be a teeny bit prejudiced but that's too bad).
AND I have tickets to an Olympic event! It's a women's semifinal hockey game on Monday!!
Megs and I are both taking the day off and since her sister lives downtown (as opposed to our hour long drive from the city) we're going to crash at her place on Sunday night. PLUS, there are concerts going on for the entire two week period, so we're going to hit up some of those too. And public transit is free on the day of your event when you show 'em your tickets, so yay for public transit! It's pretty much going to be the best day ever!
Cloud. Freaking. Nine.
the periods are for emphasis because exclamation marks are overdone. fyi.
Almost three weeks ago now, I went out with one of my best friends, Megs, to the bar for her friend's birthday party. I don't do very well with meeting new people and I tend to be quite quiet and uncomfortable until they open up to me. Maybe it's a trust issue I didn't know I had, or some underlying problem I with my father (not likely!). I don't know what it is but that's how I am. Once they open up and i feel comfortable around them, I don't shut up. Needless to say, I was quite nervous about meeting all of Megs' friends but excited too because I had heard so much about them and even though she was going to be the only one I knew, I really wanted to go (which was very unusual now that I think about it).
I met a boy. His name is James for all intents and purposes and he is really good friends with Megs. He bought me drinks all night, had his arm around me, and even walked me to my car at the end. He was funny, flirty, and a wee bit dangerous.
I Facebook friend requested him. He accepted.
I Facebook messaged him and invited him to my birthday party the following week.
He asked if Megs and I were going to the bar that week again and we did.
Then more flirting, more drink purchases, and more awkward moments (this time involving a security guard, James, and my face turning the colour of a tomato...)
I know, I know. There have been too many pictures on here lately and not enough of me telling you what's going on! Well, that's mainly because I've been trying to figure it out.
I don't feel like I accomplished a thing today!
I went to the hairdresser, and she cut like, a 1/2 inch off my hair.
I bought hair colour and conditioned my own hair (so saved $50 right there!!)
I did some dishes, made soup, and read 200 pages of Twilight. again.
so totally did nothing. I tried writing some more, but it seems that as soon as I publicly announce I'm going to do something, my brain just goes into shut down mode. totally not fair! I can't have writer's block already, can I?
What if I get too personal in this? What if he reads it and finds out he's in the book?!! what if I never finish? I could get bored and stuck and give up.
I don't want to be one of those people. I want to do this. for me. this is my turn to steal the spotlight.
focus grasshopper. focus.
I'm about to embark on a brand new journey. and I'm scared to death.
For a while now, I've been thinking a lot about my life and what I want to get out of it and all of those deep questions young people my age should be bringing up. It struck me like a ton of bricks the other night as I was driving home from a movie night with my friend.
I'm unhappy.
I don't know why (okay, well I kind of do, but I don't wanna talk about it) but there has to be something that I can do to shake this horrifying feeling. Since I've moved out of my parent's house back in November, there's just been this uneasy feeling inside of me I can't get rid of. I thought about it and prayed about it and then it hit me. I'm going to write a book.
It's the one thing I've wanted to do since forever and now seems like the perfect time. It must be. I'm having dreams about my characters! One is a nice, tall, dark and handsome Greek man named Matt ;) Either it's time for me to write a book, or I need to get a red eye to Greece!!
Of course, I'm absolutely frightened to finally put all of my daydreams down on paper. I do believe, however, that this adventure will be the journey I've been so desperately seeking. I hope so, anyways.
I think Mr. Lawrence said it best.
[This ain't where the road comes to an end/This ain't where the bandwagon stops/This is just one of those times when/A lot of folks jump off/You find out who your friends are]
I was having lunch with a friend this week and he said something that has had me thinking hard ever since. His comment has me still awake at this unfriendly hour of the night trying to compose a serious answer to his in-passing statement. In the midst of joking fun on my behalf, he questioned my want to hang out with him. I had not put much thought into the subject, other than my Christmas card where I tried to say as much as possible in as few words as I could. Stunned, I managed to mumble out an unimpressive statement in which I expressed my unintelligence on the matter.
He makes constant fun of me and tells me everything I’m doing is wrong. There is little communication outside of work, and I don’t think I know as much about him as he does about me. We hardly ever hang out but when we’re together I think I talk too much about myself.
He is the one I can always count on. He’s that typical “nice guy” who would talk you out of a panic attack for half an hour and would text you before your plane left on your first-ever flight. He would answer any questions your virgin ears have about sex until three in the morning and offer to take you to the local sex store for fun on a Sunday. He’s the only one who can convince you to try sushi even when the thought makes your skin crawl.
This is the guy you’ve known for what seems like forever and who always had advice for you. He can make you laugh no matter how tired your heart may be and would never, ever judge you when you screw up. Yes, he’s that guy. The kind, loveable, friendly goof on whose bad side you never want to me. He will banter with you like there’s no tomorrow and tell you when you’ve done something wrong. This guy is not afraid to tell you what he knows you don’t want to hear because he truly has your best interest at heart. His opinion matters.
Something inside of me needs him around. In the depths of my heart, my head, and my soul, I have to have him in my life. It’s as simple as that.
Well hello der! I know, and I'm sorry for my MIA-ness lately but things truly have been insane around here. I am aware that it is not a fair excuse, but please cut a sister some slack! Anyways, I wanted to apologize and when I get BACK from Mexico in just over a week, I will post some pictures for you all, okie? So yes, I'm sorry and I will grovel much more in over a week.
NO! I haven’t forgotten about my wonderful alter ego, the Grasshopper!! I’ve just been so busy that I haven’t had time to jot any ideas down (even though they’ve been flowing non-stop!) and without a computer it’s kind of hard to keep a blog going unless I travel down here to my parents, a wonderful place to be. Sometimes.
Anyways, I am writing this with a purpose because I have to get a few things sorted out. Mainly, with my future. I’ve been filling a bit off lately. I’ve always felt that I was meant for more and know that I can and should do more with a life than what I’m currently doing. I feel insufficient, meaningless, and that I should be out there, in the world, making a difference. I don’t know where to start or how to start, but I think it is because I’m feeling slightly guilty.
When I first went to college, I hated it. I just went to the local university, and since I had no clue what to do with my life, I picked a bunch of random courses and hated every minute of them: philosophy, psychology, political science, and music. Music was my favourite (of course!!) but I sucked at all of the classes. I don’t think I ever fully understood the college lifestyle and how different it was from high school. One of my friends at my then-job, was taking a six month course through the university and after asking her about it, I did too. This was where I met Kim and some of my other friends. It was hard, not gonna lie, but the hardest part was having my dad call it “secretary school” the entire time to everyone we knew. Sure, I guess you could call it that but it’s more than that. I’m not just a secretary!! I work so hard at my job, but at the end of the day I still feel like something is missing.
I’ve tried a couple of things: bought my truck, moved out, and booked a holiday to Mexico. I think it also could have something to do with my increasingly limited church attendance because I know that my relationship with God has been under siege the past while. I also feel, though, that this fire I have for needing something to change has been coming from Him. Whoa. One bullet after another for this year, eh?
I’ve been pondering what I want to do with my life. What inspires me, what get me passionate, and what I like to do. I want a career and I want to make money doing something I love. I look around at some of the women that I work with and I don’t want to me them. They are so stressed out and tired and work so hard to get nowhere. Some of them have been there as long as I have been alive and I don’t want to be them. I love them dearly, but I don’t see myself in their shoes in twenty years. I want to be in love with my work. Then it hit me. Like a bullet out of the sky, I knew what I had to do. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, financially, emotionally, and physically even, but I know that I have to go back to school.
I remember being little and playing dress up with my sister. Bestie and I would always play school and I always insisted on being the teacher. My mom would always tell me that’s what I was going to be and now that I think about it, a lot of people told me I should be a teacher. It’s funny, how hard I resisted that wisdom. They knew. They knew me better than I did back then, and now I think they may have been right all along. I don’t know yet, if teaching is where I’ll end up but I love books. This is a recent passion of mine (I haven’t finished Pride and Prejudice yet. I’m still working on the Twilight Saga!!) but a passion, nonetheless. I want to write a book; always have. Perhaps I’ll be a book editor or write a book while keeping my current job. Maybe I’ll teach English somewhere! There are so many decisions to be made, but I feel like I’ve finally got it.
Financially, I don’t know how I’m going to do it quite yet. My job pays well, really well, but since I’ve just moved out and with my truck payment and all, things could get tense. Is this the time for me to go back to school? I know that I can’t go back full time. I wouldn’t dare give up my job now and that would mean moving back home and I don’t want to do that. If I try to get a degree part time, it’s going to take me forever.
Well thanks for listening. Time to make some decisions!
The time has come: I need to introduce to you another friend of mine! To be quite honest, as I was thinking of writing this post, I did some reminiscing on the nicknames I have on here for all of my other friends, and I think some of them are quite lame! I mean, seriously. Bestie? She deserves so much better than that! I also realized that I haven’t given really good background stories to all my cast members here, so I think I’ll put a little something together over the next couple of days, which will probably turn into weeks. Who am I kidding? I have no time to blog and without internet at my place, it’s really hard! I have so much stuff to write about, but I just can’t! I can’t do it without my laptop! I guess I could use a pen and paper...
Anyways. New friend. Well, she’s not really a new friend, but I haven’t hung out with her in a while and she hasn’t popped up into any of my other posts, so she’s new to Blogger. So, let’s call her... Kim, a name that does not suit her at all, but whatever.
Kim and I went to college together last January and we were really close but when our course ended six months later (sweet deal, I know.) we promised to “keep in touch” and we did! We really did! For a while, anyway, we texted, Facebooked, and met for lunches and dinner dates when we could. Life got in the way of course, but when we do get together, it’s like we’ve never been apart. I love having friends like that! She knows all about the Joker and T-Rex and tells me about her guy problems too. She is, in a word, amazing.
One of the things I love about Kim is her spontaneity. If she’s sitting at home, bored, she’ll just randomly text you and start talking. She did that to me the other day, as I was unpacking of course, and we planned a dinner and movie night. So we did just that. And it was so much fun!!
I know that I can trust her and since she’s a couple years older than me, I can really relate to what she’s going through. She can tell me all about her crap and since I haven’t met any of the people she’s talking about, I can give an honest third-party opinion and hope she’ll listen. It’s the same for her, too. I can tell her all about what I’ve been thinking and feeling and she can agree that I’m right or tell me that I’m crazy and knock some sense into me.
A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway. Thanks for everything Kim. I love you darling.
Life is such a game we play with ourselves. We sit around hoping, praying, and dreaming about that perfect moment. We buy movies like 27 Dresses and dream about our perfect man (James Marsden, anyone?) and how our wedding day will have the same “look” from our husband-to-be as he has for that blonde chick he’s with in the movie. Maybe it’s that dream house that overlooks the ocean or the BMW that brings a whole new meaning to the song “Faster Car”. Whatever it is, we are never satisfied. Constantly, we want more than we have.
We wait around for the perfect words. You know the ones I mean. There is that string of words that convince us we’re not crazy and since life is a game, but when we finally hear them, are we truly satisfied? I think not.
For so long, I’ve waited for my friends to tell me that I’m right and that all that has gone on is what I have been seeing. Not to say that I haven’t been seeing, but I know that they see things in a different light and from a different point of view, so I trust their opinions more than I trust my own. Since I heard those words this week, I’m not satisfied. I waited and waited for them to be written, spoken, and portrayed to me in a new light but now that the opinions and beliefs are out there, I wish I hadn’t heard them. Sure, I wanted the opinion but that was not the opinion I was expecting.
I know I’m crazy but I want “someone else” to convince me of that this time. Sure, we can talk and joke about it, but at the end of the day, nothing really matters. We can have all of the opinions and analyze every movement and phrase but it just does not matter. No new text messages. No plans for this weekend. No banter. It may have finally been what I’ve always wanted to hear, but this isn’t how I always thought it would feel.
I’ve been moved out now for six days! HAPPY DANCE!!! If you haven’t heard, I’ve been having quite the little problem with my towels. My cheap WalMart ones apparently hate me because they’re shedding blue lint everywhere! Today, I thought I’d be really smart and buy some new ones, not because I can afford it, but because I’m sick and tired of having to dry off twice, you know? Well alright then. My mom and I went down to Sears and we picked up a whole new set of towels and everything and we came home and threw them all in the washer and we crossed our fingers. Let me tell you that these towels are not happy with just shedding lint all over the place. Heck no! These ones are dropping fricken hairballs left, right, and centre!! You should see the size of these things! It’s insanity! Why am I having such terrible luck with towels?! I know that after the first couple of washes, there is a lot of lint going on, but for heaven’s sake this is getting a little old...
So I decided to be super smart today and go home for dinner. I miss them, and I’m sure they miss me. I hope they miss me a little bit anyways… Anyway, I called home to check what they were having for dinner. Wanna guess what it was? Chunky soup and buns. I’m not lying when I say life mocks me. For heaven’s sake, I have that at my place!! So I get to go home for dinner tonight for Chunky soup and buns, and the best company in town.
